How does starting school change your DC?

[Kennebunkport]

On an online chat a mum mentioned she was making the most of the 6 weeks before, 'school ruins her DC.'

My DS starts in Sept and now I'm wondering what he'll turn into! How does starting school affect them? I know it's a huge change, but I'm hoping for the better, not worse!

Well it doesn't "ruin" them but it does change them. They start using words and phrases you never taught them...and you won't like them all.

They'll say things that make you think "WHO said that to my baby!??

It is actually really challenging. I think part of it is an age thing (I think they would get like that regardless of whether they started school). Around 5-6, you hit the talking back stage. They also become much more independent. There is a lot more of "I don't care" "It's none of your business" "You can't tell me what to do" Mine is 6 and going into Year 2, btw. I think we are overall a pretty happy, normal family and we don't normally talk to each out like that at home (for instance, she never really sees arguing or hears bad language at home, etc.). But the attitude and the talking back has been a real struggle especially in the past year (I think in Reception they are still quite young for that). Certainly, it has been the case for all of my friends with dc the same age. It reduces me to tears some days. You really just worry you've gone horribly wrong somewhere!

The other thing is the amount of time that homework and other school things take out of your life. The level of admin can be a real drag some weeks. And I think the homework is too much. In Reception, I would say we were spending about an hour a day 5 days a week on homework (and it didn't get any better in Year 1, I started just to lie and say she did it after awhile because it was too much to stay on top of). It's not so bad if you don't have other small children to look after and if you don't work (I was on mat leave for most of R and part of Year 1). But now with a 1 year old to look after, 90 pages of reading to do a week, 40 minutes of phonics homework, and several rounds of maths practice plus at least 4 projects to complete each term, while one of us is also trying to return work emails and answer calls in the afternoon, it can be absolute misery. If they had no homework and could just come home and play in the afternoons, it would be fine!

Sorry, that makes it sound all bad. It isn't. It's been lovely to see her blossom and become more independent. They really have their own little lives, and friendships, and inside jokes with their friends. And that's really nice to see. I just wish we could come home and relax and have fun with each other, not spend 2 hours on homework and filling out forms and trying to organise all the recycled plastic bottles she needs to bring in for some project and running to the shop because suddenly they need a fairy costume by tomorrow for some play and no one has told you until like 6pm the night before.

Ooh sounds interesting! Yes, it is definitely having my time taken over that will be difficult and getting used to structuring life around school times and holidays. I have two younger ones as well, so not looking forward to homework and costume making. It will be strange not knowing all his friends and as you say wondering where he's learnt to say a certain phrase. I'll get used to it, but I know I'll find it difficult. Dreading him having an attitude!

I think schoolis difficult because
--your child is 1/30 and you never feel they are important

• they get stressed and tired and this affects behaviour
• homework when you have other dc so trying to read with a 4yo while a 1yo is running about
• they can decide they dont like it and 'refuse' to go

-any misbehaviour of your child is your fault and thry are pretty strict on them (but maybe not on ones saying nasty stuff to each other).

• many kids spent a lot of time outside the classroom
• you can get stuck on reading levels as you dont want to create a fuss.