Feel like a terrible mum

[Funkyslippers]

DD2 (10) is addicted to her tablet. I let her have a couple of hours a day but it's starting to drive me mad when I ask her a question and she barely looks up from the screen and it's clear she isn't listening. Anyway she was in her room this morning so I went to get her to suggest we play a game together. I walked into her room and start to speak and she suddenly explodes at me saying "I was just charging my tablet and now it's not working and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" I asked her to calm down but she grabbed my arms and flew into a rage, her face turning red. I said to her "go and sit on the stairs and calm down" but she carried on screaming so I shouted "do you WANT a smack?" I was at the end of my tether. I would never smack either of my children but I felt I was very close to it. She ran off to the stairs crying and then told my DD1 the whole story, obviously playing the victim. I then get DD1 saying "Mum, how could you say that to her? You promised you would never smack us". I explained she had been very rude and I lost my temper. Funnily enough they are the ones usually hitting each other and screaming! I did apologise later but feel terrible now

So you threatened to smack a nasty brat who was assaulting you. Sounds about right.

Don’t let her deflect her bad behaviour by focusing on your minor parenting faux pas. Oldest trick in the book.

Um well take the tablet away

You can just take the tablet away? If it’s making her an unpleasant person then really there is only one answer.

You're not a terrible mum! Kids sometimes really test us. Agreed with previous poster though, take the iPad away and give it to her when during set periods of time during the week.

Good luck!

I would massively cut down her screen time. I’ve seen this behaviour before with tablets (my own child and a friend’s son ). It is like they’ve turned into a crazed addict. I don’t notice it from their watching tv (although we try to limit tv time), it’s just not as addictive or absorbing. You’ll just see more of this behaviour if you carry on - it’s awful isn’t it? Your behaviour wasn’t that bad by the way. None of us are perfect! I’m not trying to be a self righteous Luddite or whatever I’ve just seen similar scarily bad behaviour from my own dd and now she only plays on a tablet once a week at the most and it’s much better

You are not a terrible mum, tell DD1 to mind her own business, and use this as an opportunity to ban the tablet for a while.

Maybe say tablet only for weekends once your DD has had a certain amount of time without it AND apologised for her behaviour. You’re not a bad parent, she was behaving in a way that was totally inappropriate and you didn’t actually hit her.

It sounds a perfectly reasonable reaction to your daughters behaviour to me.
You didn't smack her, she came to no harm at all.

The important thing here is that you didn't actually smack her. Both your DDs seem to be playing on your guilt about saying what you said in the heat of the moment, but you have not broken your promise. Your DD on the other hand is being a rude and unravel brat. I would sit them down and say a version of the above, that you have apologised for losing your temper but that DD has still not shown she is sorry for her bad behaviour. Remove the tablet for a while altogether, and tell your eldest she needs to sort her own behaviour out re hitting and screaming in future.

You didn't smack her. And threatening to hit someone who is assaulting you if they don't stop can come under self defence.

Just tell her that clearly the screen makes her angry and you angry so therefore it's stopping.

Behaviour like that is a sign of (oncoming) addiction. I'd take the tablet away completely for at least a few weeks, and then only allow it with very strict rules!