I'm worried and concerned regarding my 5 year old daughter. I've been to the doctor. They dont seem worried. Referal to behaviour help has been declined..
So when my daughter was about 3 she was referred to speech therapy.. started nursery that September and finished speech therapy half why through nursery.
Nursery always used to say to me she doesnt talk to us.. doesnt tell us what's wrong everyone speaks for her... about 3 months before end of nursery she came out of herself. Typical...
Roll on primary school P1.. starts off great. As work progresses and she is learning and blending words it all seems to fall apart. She cant recognise words to say them.. I, and, at, in, out etc.. can use her phonics sounds but lately hhas got confused and forgetful. She wont sit down and do work with me... I've tried she screams and tells me she doesnt know and doesnt want to it. I've tried every which way to help that i can. She doesnt want to know. I've tried being forceful as i thought at first she was using it as an excuse not to do it and i was giving up to easy by closing the book because that's what the teachers say... if it starts getting to stressful close the books and try again tomorrow... at first my daughter was very sociable with everyone didnt really have one friend singled out but played with everyone.
About 1 month before end of school I got told by the teacher she spat on another child.. a week later she spat at another child. When is asked her why she thought about that, where did she get that from her response was she aw two boys spitting at each other in the playground.. but that doesnt excuse the behaviour. So for a while we discussed the way her behaviour was and how its unacceptable to do that. She has went into a childs bag before and took money from it when she knew the child had put it there.. it took half a day of school before she told the teacher why she did it and that she was sorry.
The teacher gave her a really great school report but emphasised that there was a few things she could build on. The teacher reported to me that she finds it hard to communicate with my daughter and she has to think of words and phrases in a sentence so that she understands. We talked about attending the speech therapy again which I have got an appointment for in a couple of weeks..
Her language and use of it is all a mix, she adds letters onto words that dont need to be there like for instance for saying cut she would say cutteded just little things like that. We correct her all the time. Words like knife.. she can say knife.. but says ife, goor for door, she will say things like remember when you did the dishes later on? But she means earlier on. etc.. she can say theses words when prompted but switches it to alternatives instead.
So this leads me to her behaviour... she literally will not listen to me. .. she annoys her 2 year old brother way more than I expect is normal. So typically she will get up they will play together happily then all of a sudden she will turn... get out of my room, give me that toy, wont let him play with the toy she gave him to play with. Which resorts in him screaming.. I dont mean just screaming crying I mean high pitched ear piercing scream. He would be happy watching TV.. she'd walk up to him and say things your a poopy pants.. and he will scream at her. She will.walk up to him and when he playing by the bench and smack him on his bum laugh run away and queue the screaming. He is turning 3 soon but hes too young to understand she is gaging a reaction out of him. I have explained to him her behaviour and what she is doing but he just dont understand yet. The way our sofa is layed out it is bear the TV which means the chair closest to the tv is the favourite.. if he is sitting on it and gets up to get his comfort toy or a toy to bring back she dives on his seat... then he starts screaming and then dives on the seat and on top of her.. the two of them.fight. hair pulling kicking , hitting. Which resorts in me having to step in a pull them away. She goes on time out for diving on his chair and he gets told off for lifting his hands.
Another instance would be... she knows things will cause an issue but does it anyway. Lunch time.. she shouts I'm going to get a plate.. queue he shouts I'm going to get a plate.. both run to the kitchen and open the drawer fighting over plates. He throws plates on the floor.. she cracks up and then runs into the living room with her plate and jumps on his seat. I feel like in picking on her all the time but she does it to herself. If she annoys him and he comes up and hits her for it she will hit back and push him hard until he hurts himself. She cant just walk away from the situation. If theres a time where she will have to go on time out she drops herself on the floor like a dead weight and shouts No , sometimes it's been unexpected and I've fallen over her or cracked my knee against her and I've told her by doing that shes going to cause an accident. So when we get to time out on the stair it never goes well. I have to physically take her my the hand and put her on the stair. She will get up about 5 or 6 times walk down the hall and kick the door open. Which results in me having to walk her back every time and sit her down. A few times shes went to her room and I've had to go up and bring her down to carry out the time out. Once she sits then I put the timer on for 5 mins but no joke sometimes we have been dealing with the time out for 15-20mins all.for a 5 min time out. This happens all the time!! We have been doing this for well over a year now and it still doesnt seem to sink in.
She just will not listen. Reward charts we have tried but she doesnt care about toys or treats. She actually took her reward char t and crumpled it up in front of me and threw it on the floor before.
We cleared her room a few months ago because she jumped on her brother and was physically punching him.. all toys left only her wardrobe for clothes. We explained to her everything she showed us good behaviour and did what we asked she would receive a toy back etc.. she didnt care didnt want the toys. Most of her toys sat in a box 3 weeks later.. when she is told off she will kick toys, drop toys throw things on the floor and generally act like a baby... make eh noises at us.
I've tried my best not to let my son see the behaviour she is causing it show it in a way that he thinks he will get what he wants if he annoys his sister so he doesnt follow suit so if something happens in the room when I'm either cooking or tidying and I dont see what started it they both get the same treatment. Toys taken away and both told it's not acceptable. My hubby is away with work at the moment so I'm trying to use this time to discipline in a way that he can follow suit when he gets back but I feel like I'm failing on that department.
My hubby isnt great with communication with telling the children off.. he shouts and and goes on and on and on.. he repeats himself over and over at she is just standing there looking at him like whatever. I've tried to tell him that use simple words and dont overdo it and ignore certain behaviour but it doesnt seem to sink in. I'm growing concerned that my daughter is turning out to be just like my husband. I have always thought there was something that was misdiagnosed when he was growing up. He overthinks things.. acts on impulse. Doesn't think about consequences and isnt great with spelling and grammar. He cant seem to sit and focus on something for long. We have tried to get him assessed as adult but they dont seem to care.. theres nothing out there for adults and have just brushed him off..
The problem is I dont know what is classed as normal for a 5 year old and what's not but I know that her being so angry and lashing out isnt normal. The frustration with learning and doing simple tasks cant be normal. The forgetfulness, the lack of remembering is shockingly bad. I can instruct something to my 2 year old or tell him something and he will remember it.. she just doesnt but can remember something that happened a year ago?
I decided that while we were off for the holidays that I would get some learning booklets and do some work with her. I tried yesterday mid afternoon and she refused saying she didnt want to do them it's like she looks at the book and just draws a blank and cant be bothered.. am I pushing too much should I just let her play and ignore all the phonics, reading maths stuff and just let her be her. She wont let me play with her or when we do she destroys it or gets bored and walks away. I can read stories to her at bedtime but that's about it. So I've gone back to basics and bought some toddler counting and ABC books to sit and look at and see if that helps..
I dont want her to be labelled as trouble at school or be bored.. my husband went through that as a kid and I dont want that for her. But it seems like no one seems to want to care?
I'm booked onto a parenting course for november by our local parenting advice unit... but that's doesnt help me now. I'm finding it hard to get her dressed and to get out the door even to go to the shop. She diesnt want to. Even the 2 year old is reluctant to do anything I ask now.
Anyone any advice?
Thanks for reading this far.