Want to stay at home

[Millypad]

Apologies if this is in the wrong section. I have a gorgeous 9 month old (terrible sleeper, but that’s by the by). Before she was born I was given a promotion at work - complicated set up, same company but head of department role in a different location so different team, boss, etc. I think it was fantastic leadership and really progressive that my new boss employed me at 7 months pregnant and was willing to wait the year for me to return, which I had absolutely every intention of doing. Now, however, things are quite different. As I approach going back I am dreading it. I want to stay with my little one, as my mum did with me. This is a complete shock to me as I didn’t think I’d feel like this, but it’s overwhelming. My job is 2hrs commute (so 4 hours travel each day) which I wouldn’t have thought anything about pre-baby. I live in London and that length on the tube seemed quite normal to me last year, but it would mean never seeing her which breaks my heart. We could deal with me staying at home financially - it would be tough, but if I had a local part time job we could just about manage it - but I feel awful at letting down this boss and company that invested so much in me and have basically put things on hold for a year. How do I even begin to have that conversation?

Meant to add, am due back at end of sept/beginning of Oct

Did you get any occupational maternity pay? Will you / can you pay it back?

I'm returning to work in September, my LO will be 10 months. I'm dreading it too but told this feeling is normal! I do want to go back though, for me - I enjoy my job and have worked really hard to get there. Plus financially I am the higher earner.

All the best in whatever you decide x

A FOUR HOUR daily commute?! On top of an 8 hour day? You would have virtually no time with your child. I can see how that is not appealing in the slightest.

Are there any other options for you within the company? Is it this particular job you don't want to do, or is it that you don't want to go back at all?

Every woman has to decide what's best for them, but from my personal experience, I have never for one second regretted staying home with my children when they were little. I would definitely regret having missed it. A job is just a job. There will be others, I promise you. Our children are babies and toddlers for such a short time, and if you can afford to stay home, even if things are a bit tight, I recommend it. If you budget well and be frugal, it's not a big deal. This is strictly my opinion, of course.

I understand your feelings. It is a very difficult time and not helped by nine months being prime time for showing separation anxiety which increased my feelings of guilt. I had a three hour commute and I returned to work FT. However once back I negotiated a role which allowed me to work from home a couple of days a week and my DH was able to do drop offs and pick ups on other days. I had twins btw. It was very very tough but we managed it and are still speaking 😉 so it all worked out.
As PP says, you need to do what is right for you and your circumstances. It is worth noting that this might seem like a straightforward choice of going back or not in this moment, but there are often shades of grey which mean you might go back on a graduated return or, depending on your role, you might be able to negotiate a flexible schedule. Many companies are recognising 'family friendly' policies are helpful as it is in everyone’s interests to get the balance right.
Do you have colleagues who you trust and could chat to about things maybe a peer or mentor type person who has been down this road of returning from leave before?

I'm sure it is all very overwhelming right now but honestly there are often options available which just haven't been considered yet.

It is worth noting that this might seem like a straightforward choice of going back or not in this moment, but there are often shades of grey which mean you might go back on a graduated return or, depending on your role, you might be able to negotiate a flexible schedule. Many companies are recognising 'family friendly' policies are helpful as it is in everyone’s interests to get the balance right.

^This.
Maybe you could work from home a couple of days a week as well.