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Would you ever say anything to other mums about their child’s behaviour?

11 replies

Lushmetender · 28/07/2019 15:53

My DD is 9. She struggles with friends I think at school. She used to be child x friend at nursery and were best of friends for a couple of years. Anyway she wanted to invite child x in a outing
As she’s been desperate to be good friends again. Anyway my husband said child x kept going on about how good she was at stuff and how she had such good friends ie meaning not my daughter! At the outing today she kept saying she missed friend X who had moved away and how she wishes it was tomorrow rather than today because she’s going to x camp with her best friend x. My kids were then going off to granny’s so I took all my kids friends home. Well this girl then proceeded to slag off my daughter saying she was constantly getting her into trouble for not playing with her and seeming taking apparent glee in how jealous my dd is of her friends blah de blah! I dropped her off and asked if all had gone ok. I said yes but she was missing friend x. Her dad said really, she hasn’t mentioned her for months. Anyway left it at that but I’m furious. She wasn’t being rude in the true sense but she knew exactly what she was doing in (1) trying to make my dd jealous while on an outing and (2) trying to tell me my dd constantly gets her into trouble and loads of other stuff. My dd was being sympathetic with her and asking me if she’ll ever see her friend that moved away again. She went to give her a hug at the end but basically tensed up while my dd said to her dad that me and friend x are getting on much better. I feel sad for her as she has cried she has no real friends. She goes to loads of clubs and stuff so she is getting out and about. I always thought child x was a nice girl as her mum is so fair and tries to do right by everyone but I’ve seen it first had what a manipulative so and so she is and clearly takes glee out of my dd feeling jealous and hurt.

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Choice4567 · 28/07/2019 18:27

I'm really sorry but finding it very hard to understand your post and who the people involved are.

Hope your DD is ok

icelollycraving · 28/07/2019 18:30

I’m a bit confused too. From what I can make out the other girl was making it clear she has better friends now? Which may well be true but a bit unkind and ungrateful when you’ve been taken out.
Just don’t bother again. I wouldn’t tell the parents the effect it’s had.
Sorry she is feeling sad though.

FilledSoda · 28/07/2019 21:21

Are there 2 Xs?
The original friend and the one going away ?
It doesn't really matter , I think I'm got the gist .
I'd let the friendship fizzle out , sounds as though it already has tbh.

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MissingTheMissletoe · 28/07/2019 21:36

Eh?

Lushmetender · 28/07/2019 22:26

Hi sorry it’s confusing. She was simply making it clear she had best friends that were not my daughter but being a wee b about it. Then I took my kids friends home (my husband took dd to her granny’s for a week along with siblings while I took all my kids friends home and she was slagging off my DD all the way home in front of me!). I know they are kids and they go through all this but I wasn’t impressed. She was rude, manipulative and it was clear she was trying to see if my dd was jealous of her and her bf!

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Choice4567 · 28/07/2019 22:52

Ah sorry now I've re read it I've got it! All makes sense.

I don't think you can say anything really, even if you did, what's the mum going to do? Make her be friends with your DD? The friend is then going to resent her and try and make DD feel worse.

Might be worth trying to gently encourage your daughter away from this friend.

Straycats · 28/07/2019 23:01

So sorry for your daughter. I would actively encourage new friendship groups by asking other children over. What a nasty little girl to behave so, I'd have been tempted to cut it short by saying that's being unkind, what a shame.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 28/07/2019 23:06

At 9 years old I would have pulled her up on her nasty behaviour and not bothered with her mum. If she tattles about being told off and her mum says anything I would tell her then and only then. "Ah yes Karen, I'm afraid little Gertie was being quite mean but it's sorted now"

Lushmetender · 28/07/2019 23:11

No I know I can’t. Her mum is so lovely and she tries to be so inclusive I was surprised her dd is so opposite. It’s a girl thing and know at this age but this girl used to be so lovely. My dd I think has a slight Aspergers and so hence has issues understanding when she’s trying to be empathetic and friendly. She’s easily wound up so I think struggles generally. But she knows as gets so upset she doesn’t seem to have one or two friends she can count on! But she was being mean that as an adult I was furious

OP posts:
BlueBuilding · 28/07/2019 23:12

These things are always hurtful, but this child just isn't as into the friendship as your DD is.

Encourage other friendships.

BlankTimes · 28/07/2019 23:52

My dd I think has a slight Aspergers

There is no such thing as slight Asperger's saying that any form of autism is "slight" is an offensive thing to say about anyone who is diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.

Here's some information to help you to understand theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

If you think your DD has difficulties with social communication (you've not mentioned anything else) then please see the school SENCO and your GP and ask for a referral for her difficulties to be identified so that she can be helped.

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