Returning to work

[Pippinsqueak]

I'm due to return to work in three months time and I am struggling to come to terms with it. The plan was originally to return after a year but financially this is not possible, and we don't qualify for any assistance even though we re not high earners.

At the moment I can only see my baby as a 6 month old and cannot picture her in 3 months going to a child minder.

We ve started baby led/purée weaning and teaching her to drink water from a cup/free flow spouted cup. Mixed success but keeping on.

My worries (and please be kind, I may be being unreasonable or silly but this is my first baby) are that she won't be ready for me to leave her for 8.5 hours a day three days a week. I trust the child minder but I worry about her having time to fed/hydrate/soothe my baby to sleep (she will be the youngest). I'm feeling tremendous pressure to get her ready to leave me in such a short space of time.

She is exclusively breast fed, often falling asleep on the boob (although we are working on it). Bottle are a no go (long story).

Essentially I'm looking for advice or reassurance that she ll be ok/ready/what is expected of her when she goes to the child minder.

I'm just a little lost and panicked as I had settled on her being a year old before going to child minder where she would have been eating/drinking properly and reduced boob time.

Thanks in advance

My eldest went to nursery at 11 months and youngest a childminder at 10 months . Both were breastfed and wouldn’t take bottles . Both wouldn’t self settle . The childcare they were in found ways to deal with this and they adapted well. I know how stressful it is worrying but they will be ok. One thing I did do was cut breastfeeding in day back slowly so it wasn’t a shock .

I feel similarly. My boy is 9.5 months a d starts nursery in 2 weeks- eeeek! I'm so nervous!

That said, I could never imagine leaving him at 6 months. Now he is 9.5 months I can. Also I tried leaving him in a creche for half an hour at a time on a few separate occasions at my gym recently. He didn't love it but he didn't scream about it either. Also I left him with my in-laws and he was absolutely fine. Remember in 3 months time you will have a completely different baby! 3 months is half her life as it currently stands!

Thank you for your replies. I've contacted the child minder to have a chat next week about my worries (I'm sure she's heard it all before). I'm just struggling with the guilt of leaving her before a year old. I have been leaving her her for up to three hours with grandparents and child minder said to start leaving her with them for a hour every so often so she's used to them.

I know lots of people have to do this or even sooner but I think it's so unfair on both mother and child.

She’ll be fine. A lot changes in those few months. Both of mine started nursery 3 days a week at 9-11 months. My youngest had to transition very quickly as I got offered a job and had to make a fast change of plans to go back to work. He did fine drinking milk from a cup during the day and eating loads and I fed him when we were home. The idea of it is actually much more stressful than it is in reality. I also went straight into a more demanding position and a very long day/commute. It really was fine and I have no regrets.

You shouldn't have guilt over something you can't control.
Your baby will be fine with the childminder and you will both adapt to the new routine. The childminder will have seen it all before and it will be hard to start with, but I'm sure it will all be fine.
3 months is a long time for your baby to grow and develop.

Do you think he father feels guilty for leaving his child to go to work? You need to work to support your child, she'll be fine. I've just started kit days and initially DH made sure he was available by the last one I left DS with DM I was out of the house for ten hours DH about 7.5, DS couldn't care less. If you are worried about one person looking after multiple children have you considered a nursery? They have a 3 to 1 ratio, the one DS is going to has a maximum of six in the baby room and three staff, to ensure ratios are always met if someone has to leave the room etc.

Of course he feels guilt but that's not the issue, the issue I have is feeling not ready to leave her/her being ready to leave me at nine months as I had a plan to stay off for a year and now feel rushed. As this is my first I just wanted some advice/reassurance from people who have already done this and I want her to be ready in 2.5 months time. I know she ll cope/adapt and that I have to go to work to support her again not the issue. Just been feeling a bit of mum guilt about it all

Pippinsqueak, try your best to not feel guilty, it would be different if you didn't need to send her to nursery but you do, so you can't change it.

It must be so hard to have all your plans changed when you are simply not ready, but you still do have 2.5 months to come to terms with it and enjoy them months off, She will be fine, try to be kind to yourself 💐💐💐

My ds went to nursery at just turned 9 months around 4 weeks ago. He is loving life. I also work 3 days a week. I, like you, was so unsure about this plan when he was 6 months old but I couldn't have been more wrong. He is doing so well there. What I did was use my hols to book 1 day a week off for the 1st month to a. Bring the cost of nursery down for the 1st month and b. Phase us both into it and it worked really well. If you have the holiday to do this I would recommend it.
You'll get used to it and so will baby. Honestly, it works really well for our family

Thank you for the support. I am returning to work five days a week but using two days annual leave to make three days to give me a full wage but doing part time hours so to speak. Also grandparents are having her one afternoon a week to help with the cost of child care so will only need to pay for 2.5 days. Will also be looking into childcare vouchers but the government don't make the website easy to navigate

@pippinsqueak I don't think they do childcare vouchers anymore. Google 'tax free childcare' which was their replacement scheme. For ever 8 pound you spend, gov pay 2 pound up to 1200 a year

Agree that guilt is a conscious decision. I've decided to actively challenge when I feel guilt. I also agree men don't feel guilty. When I asked my husband if he felt guilty, he look and said, no, I would rather be home with you both but I don't feel guilty about it and it opened my eyes. We are conditioned to feel guilty.

I was due to go back after 7 months and then changed to 10 months as I wasn't ready to leave her (she would have been fine). Mine goes for 10h a day, 3 days a week. By 10 months I was itching to go back to work. I was exhausted. They are on 3 meals a day which you need to think about, prepare clean up from. They are on the move, they understand when you are there but trying to do something else and leave the room for 2 seconds, they are properly on the move... Its much harder than looking after a 6 month old.

I made totally then right decision by delaying going back as then I felt like I was ready to go instead of being forced to go back which helped me not feel bad about it.

My 13 month old is now learning so much at the childminders. She sits nicely at the table, plays nicely with other kids, is saying about 10 words. She can't wait to go there in the mornings and has a massive smile on her face when we start walking to her house.

It's really worked out the best for us all and is better for her in the long run, as I don't feel resentful about not working and earning my own money, she's stimulated and learning loads from being with older children.

I wouldn't have felt the same at 6 months.

I work full time, and my husband does 1 day a week and a grandparent (it changes) does another day. I do the weekends (husband works full time shifts which change, so we get 2 in every 5 off together)

I went back to work full time when my daughter was 8 months old. We started her settling in period at 7.5 months at nursery. I totally understand how you feel and I was very distressed about leaving her and cried a lot the last couple of months of my mat leave about leaving her. Please don't let your imminent return to work put a dark cloud over the rest of your time off. I really regret letting that happen to me. My daughter was in nursery from 8am -5:30, 5 days a week and I honestly think she loved it from the second we got there. I had never left her at all beforehand and the thought of someone else playing my role terrified me. I cried the first time I left her, but she was giggling away and was extremely content when I returned an hour later. There is so much stimulation for them and opportunities to socialise. I would never have been able to offer her so much creative and messy play in the home. She is two now and I will be doing the same with my next baby with none of the fears I had last time. She has lovely friends and is so confident and independent, it makes me so proud. They helped get her sleeping properly and she is developing into such a funny and friendly child. They also help with things like potty training and dealing with tantrums. Also her face when I pick her up in the evening and she is so happy playing but also so happy to see me, is really special. It's always been the same and we are still so close and she is very affectionate and loving to both me and my husband, so we figure it can't have done her any harm at all. Please try not to worry. Your baby will be fine and you will all settle into the new routine quickly.

Thank you for your reply, I think my main concern is the time they have to spend to get her to sleep/eat/drink but 2.5 months is time for her to get better. She never took to the bottle and now we re on a cup whilst still breastfeeding

Ugh it's hard and I totally get how you are feeling but she will adjust. It's actually going to be easier for her to adjust than most because she is so young she won't know any different. Deep breaths xx

To be brutally honest, they will probably not spend that much time. She'll probably do it there easier, especially when she sees all the others. Theres nothing to miss out on and they won't spend hours getting her to eat. She'll just eat if she's hungry. They only piss about at home ime!