First of I am a man - so sorry if not ok to post here!
But thought I might get some useful advice - have been split with my ex for 10 years - we have a 12 year old boy together! Baby was not planned & our relationship was already in trouble before the pregnancy (she had cheated and then came back to me)
We tried to make it work - I moved country to where she lives to make a go of it - she split with me 6 months in & I was miserable in a strange Country, struggling to get a job (language barrier) I went home for a visit for a few weeks and when I returned she had a new boyfriend.
I was in a very bad place - mentally, upset from the break up - but wanted to be a good dad too!
Made a massive decision to move home, retrain, get a job, make something of myself and be a role model for my child - although it meant I had to leave him behind and be long distance Dad
Ex was furious that I was leaving - I travelled back and forth regularly and got my shit together at home, decent job, started being able to contribute financially to my child, visited him as much as I could
Ex very controlling of my visits - insisted I stay at her house and basically I was a glorified babysitter - she would not let me take him anywhere alone or even to visit my family -everything was on her terms!
Fast forward to now - I am married to someone new, doing well for myself, make sure son is taken care of and try and have him for visits as much as poss throughout the year- all this was fine s she had a new partner and she was loosing the old apron strings and allowing me to have our son regularly!
Now she has split with her partner and has suddenly become very difficult again - our son seems to think it is his job to look after her and gets a bit worried about leaving her on her own (she projects how much she will miss him while he is gone in the lead up - making child anxious!)
Anyway he is due to come this weekend - she has become really unreasonable suddenly - saying I should have booked the whole month I have him off work and that I obviously don't care about quality time, it is typical of me to be crap and she doesn't know why she thought she could expect anything decent from me etc
I have arranged childcare for the days I am at work (my sister, summer clubs & then tag teaming the other days with my wife - we've also arranged a full week away during his visit as well!
Now she is saying that he is very nervous and doesn't really want to come anymore and that he does not like the summer club idea and needs me to be available to mind him everyday
I am not sure how to handle this - he is 12 - not a baby anymore - I phoned him myself and he seems fine and excited about coming to stay!
Is there any advice on dealing with her - or should i just hope as he gets older, my contact with her becomes less necessary and he can make his own decisions
When things are good in her life she couldn't care less about what I do, what my plans our for our child, she just drops him off and does her own thing - but when she's not in great form (like being newly single) She goes crazy and tried to get super involved in my life, control how i use my annual leave, what I am allowed do with son etc - it's driving me insane!!