Really need a vent... DH works away and I’m 30 wk pregnant

[umck2014]

Long story short... we are an expat family. Got moved here to the Uk due to DH’s work 2 years ago. We have a toddler DC 1 and expecting DC 2 in 3 months time.

I had my dream job before having DC1. Then becoming a parent changed everything. We were living in a different country at the time but then the opportunity to move to the Uk arose. We thought UK would be a lovely place to bring up our little family so here we are.

Fast forward 2 years... I don’t particularly enjoy being a FTM without having any family around and little friends support.

I think it’d help if DH didn’t work such long hours (he used to leave work at 7am then home by 7pm) but his days seem to be getting longer and longer (leave home at 5:30/6am and home at 8/8:30pm). With frequent work trips to Europe.

In the last 2 years I have been getting on with it and trying hard not to give him too much pressure as I do appreciate him being the sole earner so I can stay at home. But lately i’ve been an emotional wreck which is very very unlike me. I think it’s due to a mix of hormones and exhausion. Also recently i’m starting to regret moving here because things are not how we’ve imagined to be (not sure if it’s just the hormones talking again... jut that not having family around and being lonely most days of the week really get to me)

Financially wise we are worse off as wages aren’t as good here compared to what we had before (2 incomes) but it’s being compensated by much lower cost of living as we don’t live in the city anymore which I prefer. So i don’t think it’s the deal breaker.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this... I just wished he could be around more and be ‘normal’ 😢

I don’t have a lot of advice but I didn’t want to not reply. Try downloading the app called Mush, you can meet other local Mums :)

I think for many families it is "normal" especially living in commuter belt locations. Try to get out to toddler groups and classes such as swimming. Are there any other expats living locally?

Have you found any local toddler groups to attend?

I met a mum when DD1 was born, subsequently the girls went to the same day nursery and primary school, met a second mum at the nursery. Still friends now, and the younger daughters all in same school year together too.

Thanks for all the replies ladies :)

I've used Mush when i first moved here and have met a couple of friends with same aged children. We meet up regularly. I've also made friends from toddler groups and classes.

I used to take my DC1 to swimming classes when she was a baby but then i stopped as i found it too hard to go during the winter and then i got pregnant. I'll start signing her up to swimming again when she turns 3.

Making friends to me is easy but we don't get to meet up every week.

All of my friends who live locally have family living nearby and have DHs home by 6pm the latest. The commute to work for my DH isn't particularly long, maybe 50-60mins one way which i consider normal. It's the work hours that i don't understand.I thought the UK's known for its work-life balance? I just feel bummed as I miss my family and i get envious of my friends who have DHs who'd be home for tea and can help during bedtime routine. He used to be around a little more maybe once-twice a week for that, but in the last few months, my toddler can go all week without seeing him which upsets me because she'd ask about him all the time. Now that i'm 7 month pregnant i just feel the support isn't there and i'm worried about what's lying ahead of me :( I didn't sign up for this you know?

Sorry - that was another vent :/

Any chance of relocating back home or plans for you to get back to work, even if part time for your sanity? (I appreciate the latter with two little ones may be a fair way off)

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Yes we have a rough 3-5 years plan to relocate again but not at the moment. Not soon anyway.

I did set up a freelance business last year which was slowly taking off the ground then i got pregnant and i had to take a step back from it a couple of months ago because it got too much for me. But i do look forward to picking this up when I can as all the hardware and system is already there.

I know things will get better again once i got this baby out and once we settle in a new routine but it'll be another 9months at least before i get to that stage. I'm just feeling sorry for myself that's all...