Be honest..should I be spending more 1 on 1 time

[PhalangeReginaPhalange]

With my 15 month old?

She plays independently and enjoys that, when friends come round with their DC she loves following them round or watching them play and tries to join in.

I read to her a bit in the day and before bed and talk to her a lot but don’t spend a lot of time playing with her one on one. We do the odd song and she engages and learns from it, but I don’t know if I should be trying harder.

Oh and she’s having a danger nap now I’m not just ignoring her and on mumsnet

I think different mums have different personalities and different parenting styles, some are constantly playing with their little ones and really enjoy it. I wasn’t really a mum that spent a lot of time playing with my kids when they were little, although maybe I did more with my first before her siblings came along. As play is the way they learn I would always try and involve them when they were little. If I was cooking or working in the kitchen I would give them kitchen utensils to play with and cups and just fun objects. If I was able I would have her stand on a chair by the sink and do water play while I was working - things like that. It is very hard for toddlers to focus for more than a few minutes on any one activity anyway. I would definitely make sure you take her outside to play every day whatever the weather. Just going for a walk would take ages at that age as she would want to stop and look at every neighbours garden, all the insects, the cat etc. When I think about it, if you enter their world it is very easy to stimulate them because everything is new and exciting. You do not have to put on elaborate play times - just give them your full attention and talk to them a lot.

A hot tip - for a toddler who is exhausted and having a breakdown, I would always run a quick bath and sit and watch them play at any time of day. It works like magic for a toddler that has got themselves in a tizwaz. Water play was always very calming, even a 10 minute bath would do the trick. This is trial and error after three kids, I always found that was the quickest and easiest way to get a toddler back to equilibrium! They would have completely had a reset and we could all continue as normal.

My first toddler is off to Uni this September so being a less than super fun mum doesn’t seem to have damaged her in anyway! Basically as long as they know you love them and you have a close loving relationship it all works out.

I let my dd play on her own if she is happy a lot of the time. She is 18months now and lets me know when she wants me to play with her

If she's happy leave her to it. My toddler literally can't play alone for two minutes. I'm envious. Enjoy it!

@IdaBWells thank you that makes a lot of sense .we still go to one group a week even though I’m back at work, always read and try and get to the park whenever we can. I like what you are saying about elaborate play times.. sometimes I just get her to fetch me things I need which she seems to like haha!

I really like playing so am a bit biased but that doesn't sound like a lot to me - if down on the floor playing doesn't work for you, maybe a couple more activities or classes would work better? Swimming? Toddler yoga? Library rhyme time?

Your toddler needs time with you - how you spend that time, is completely irrelevant (as long as she enjoys it, of course). If she is happy playing alone and with others and you enjoy reading books to her - great!

As long as you're interacting it doesn't need to be playing as such.

I'm better now that my eldest is 4 and you can play actually games, but I wasn't very good at playing at that age so I just involved her in what I was doing. As they don't know the difference between fun and chores at that age! So we did laundry and cooking together and going on walks as a PP said stopping to look at every single thing along the way. I found she was happy as long as I narrated it all in a cheerful voice

She's got a great vocabulary and is able to play happily by herself and with other children so hasn't done her any harm. She talks a lot though. A lot.

@Settlersofcatan I totally agree I don’t think I’m spending enough time one on one with her I feel really guilty but can’t seem to make it work, days get so busy

In a morning I do breakfast, get her ready myself ready sort the changing bag then go out

Getting in it’s sorting dinner out then dinner time bath book and bed

Days vary so we see friends, go to the park, I do one toddler group a week, can’t afford to sign up to yoga etc and playgroups don’t seem to be on the days I’m off

I get down on the floor to play with her but she just sorts herself out with toys and brings me the odd thing occasionally

I’ll initiate some play but she does get bored after a minute or two and toddle off to do her own thing

I’m definitely doing something wrong- what’s your daily routine?

We go on at least one walk a day but she usually falls asleep so I do a bit of “where’s the...tree..”etc but not for long because she falls asleep

I have 3 days (including the weekend) with my toddler a week - our typical routine is pottering at home first thing, sometimes
a bit of football in the garden, some kind of activity or excursion in the morning (playgroup/ library at 15 months - now he is coming up for 3, swimming/football), lunch, nap, unstructured play in the afternoon, dinner, sometimes a short jaunt to the playground before bed.

"I’m definitely doing something wrong- what’s your daily routine?"

No, you don't. It's important for children to be able to entertain themselves - be glad!

I think you need to give yourself a break! At 15 months she probably can't really "play". Chatting to you, going out and about and watching you do chores is all learning for her. Reading is really beneficial and you are already doing that. Learning to play by herself is a really useful skill. I wouldn't worry about the groups either, if you both enjoy a group then great, but it is around the age of 2 or 3 that going to groups really benefits them.

I think at that age play can be super simple.
You build a tower of wooden blocks, she knocks it down; she will probably then start to copy you and build towers of her own. You can count the blocks as you add them, and talk about the colours. Megablocks are also good for little hands.
You blow bubbles, and she catches / pops them.
Sand or water tray.
Also just talking and interacting with her as she plays, you don’t always need to be actually playing yourself.
Plus if you wohm, you’re bound to have less time in the day than a sahm.

OP you definitely are not doing anything wrong! Please don't be hard on yourself. At her age keeping their attention for 5 minutes is a majorly focused event! Just maybe do a bit more of what you both like. What do you enjoy doing together? It sounds to me like she has a busy, happy life

I know exactly how you feel OP! My eldest is now 2.5 but she is very independent so is able to entertain herself for a long time. It’s actual very hard to play with her! But she loves to read so we read a lot of books together. I’m on mat leave now (have baby now too) so we go to playgroups pretty much every day but there she often plays along side the other kids and involves me when she likes.

But yes I constantly feel like I should be doing more. I’ve found me initiating an activity and doing it with her for a few minutes helps (largely helps my guilt as I’m sure both our kids are fine!) So things like;

• playing with play dough
• mega blocks
• threading activities (yours probably a bit young but for later)
• colouring / stickers
• stacking bricks
• dancing (to music I like not nursery rhymes but she loves it too!)

One of these might hold her interest for 10 mins max by the way.

Hope that helps. I suspect you’re like me and give yourself too hard a time!

You are not doing anything wrong. I used to try to play with my DS at that age and he would lose interest very quickly. I constantly felt guilty for not trying to do more, but at that age, they are very much exploring the world around them and will let you know when they need you. Now my DS is 2.5 and we play a lot more because he wants to.

My son is 2 in a week or 2 and can probably play on his own for all of 1 minute.

It is a skill I am going to try and concentrate on, but if I were you op, I wouldn't worry too much, if they are happy playing solo, I think that's a good thing, so long as it's not all the time.

Thank you all so much, I agree with the view that they learn from watching and joining in with chores etc. Groups were great when she was really little but now she runs around wanting to do her own thing popping back when she feels like it. Her social interaction and language is really coming on so I’m hoping the quality time we do spend together is helping with this.

I definitely interact with her while she plays. If she picks up a toy cow I ask her what noise it makes or if she builds a tower I tell her what a great job she’s doing etc

Bubbles we do every day haha she has learned to blow them herself now! @BarberBabyBubbles that sounds about right!

Before I made a list of what we did today and that included going to the park, reading books, bubbles, playing in her ball pool and with wooden blocks together. Plus I’m there with her all the time I might nip out of the room for a moment but we are together the whole day so I must be talking to her (or myself!)

Really appreciate all your replies, god it’s nice knowing there are people of a similar mindset out there in times of doubt!