End of primary school - not been easy

[mummy109]

Primary school is over for my amazing, brave, clever (so clever! - greater depth for everything on SATs), beautiful boy. He is so adorable and so loved and we couldn’t be prouder of him.

There is a sad part to this post. For many years he has been teased and excluded from experiences and activities that he has been desperate to be included in. He is sometimes a square peg in a round hole. But he tries, he tries so hard to be a round peg. But as with many square pegs he often gets it wrong and often expressive himself in way that other children don’t quite understand.

He finally found what we thought were his tribe. He felt included in something. He felt safe.

And then … this… in the final week of his year 6 experience he was excluded from an activity that could have made everything right - an after school party with his inner tribe. This was cruel. This was hurtful. This was the start of a very tearful week. For both of us. He had to endure excited chat about the coming party all week.

We will recover, he is safe he is loved. He will be ok. He will be strong and will survive. He will be resilient. He will be successful. Everything will be ok.

In the meantime - any wise words for the immediate future? his confidence is very low, he has become very introverted over the 7 years of primary school.

My instinct is to tell my son to press the delete button on this group of boys. Or should he persevere? They will likely cross paths at secondary and in the local neighbourhood. Any words of wisdom for me and his Dad?

Being left out of things hurts. Sadly perhaps this little group of friends has been less inclusive of your son than both you and he would like.
As you say, a sad note to end on.
However, they're all off to high school now and it's likely that even these friendships will change.
I'd try and say to your son, don't hold a grudge, but also don't depend on these boys for loyalty or friendship in future.
Going to high school is a good opportunity to meet a wider social circle of other kids and hopefully meet some like minded ones.
Does he have hobbies or friendship groups outside of school, if not, perhaps you could help him form some? Always helpful to have friends outside of school too.

Oh bless you and your boy. It is so hard to see them suffer like this. My son has Aspergers and I know the pain only too well.
All I can say is that at secondary school they will all move on to new friends and this may well open new doors. My son found a couple of people that were like him and they have remained friends to this day. I won't tell you high school is easy because I would be lying. My son struggled with it and was so happy when school was done with.
He is 29 now and has a job, friends and a reasonably happy life. He lives at home and like your son is treasured and valued for his unique gifts ( he is also v bright and knowledgeable ). I am proud of all he has achieved because I know how hard he has fought to achieve it but really he is doing better than I ever thought so hang in there , things may well improve as he gets older and adult relationships are often much easier to establish.
Finally I am aware that your son may be different to mine but just thought my experience might be helpful. Take care x

It's very hard to be the one left out. I have a daughter with ADHD and life is very tough at times.
She too is moving on to Secondary school.
I've been talking positively about the new experiences she'll have there and the new children she'll meet.
I'm assuming the Secondary school is much larger than his primary. They'll be so many more children and therefore much more opportunity to find people he can really help with.
7 or 8 years at a Primary setting can be fine for many but I think almost all children in year 6 are now probably feeling the need to diverse a bit more.

help was actually supposed to be gel. Strange autocorrect!

My DS was left out a lot at primary (his social skills weren't great early on due to ASD) although was never too bothered. He's done really well at secondary this year and has made lots of friends. It's easier to find people like you in a bigger school.

It's broken my heart to read this, I do understand fully as have seen this with my brother and daughter.

Years 7 and 8 may be difficult but as children mature he will find real friends who fully understand him. It may not have been been his tribe to leave him out but their parents. Unfortunately some adults can't cope with different!

High 5 to him from me, I'd join his own tribe any day of the week, he sounds wonderful.

Thank you so much for all your kind messages. They have given me a bit of confidence in navigating through this. I am so happy to have him at home full time for a while. We can have lots of loving. It's so comforting to know that others have been through this. With parenting often I feel so alone! Thank you!