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Hate going on holiday

24 replies

Anon230982 · 23/07/2019 09:43

I know this sounds negative but I dread going on holiday! Anyone else feel the same? Hate the stress of packing, hate the expense, and the AWFUL car journey/travelling to get to wherever it is with screaming, hot children and a grumpy husband who refuses to stop at service stations unless there's a national disaster! Relatives are hard work.....they think they're helping and they mean well but actually they're just everywhere at the wrong time, getting in the way, saying irritating things and you can't say anything because you're supposed to be grateful and happy to be on "holiday." Hate the starting-from-scratch-settling-baby-and-overexcited-child-at-bedtime in a new environment after months of hard work to get the kids into a manageable routine and the inevitable sleep deprivation that follows. I get up at 5.45am with the baby and a highly-strung toddler, everyone else stays in bed until mid-morning and then it's a case of "What shall we do today then?" by which point I'm already exhausted and counting down the hours until bedtime..........which probably won't happen because you're somewhere new, and the kids know it. Then........the mountain of WASHING that you're left to deal with when you get back, the realisation that you've massively overspent and will spend the next year trying to recoup funds. Don't get me wrong, there are some days where you have pockets of "nice time," where the kids are enjoying themselves and you think you're winning the game. But on the whole, its pretty darn stressful, and I don't enjoy it. It feels like a penance more than anything else! I'm always relieved to get back home, where the set up works. Sounds dreadful, I know, but does anyone else feel like this?

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Weepingwillows12 · 23/07/2019 09:46

I do but to a lesser extent I think. All the negatives you mentioned but the good bits mostly compensate for that. I try and set my expectations lower. Holidaying with young kids is the same as at home but hopefully with a nicer few and different activities. What it isn't is relaxing!

Snog · 23/07/2019 10:00

Agree holidaying with young children is a nice change but actually more tiring than staying at home.

What's with your husband not stopping at service stations though? That seems unnecessarily mean.

gotmychocolateimgood · 23/07/2019 10:04

You need to delegate. It's not fair that you're getting up every morning. Tell the other adults they will take their turn (don't ask, inform them it's happening with a smile). You need time on your own. Go out for a walk, a swim, go back to bed for a nap, especially if it's your day to get up. If you're not assertive you will resent them.

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Dontforgetyourbrolly · 23/07/2019 10:10

Well OP I hated holidays for all the reasons you mention. Now they are a dream as is older at 5 . It started to improve when he got to 4. I also got rid of DP and avoid relatives but that seems a bit drastic!
We have a great time now just the two of us !

ssd · 23/07/2019 10:13

You are parenting your husband as well as the kids. What does he do?

MarthasGinYard · 23/07/2019 10:15

'I get up at 5.45am with the baby and a highly-strung toddler, everyone else stays in bed until mid-morning'

Why?

The dc dad just drives you there and leaves then?

ILiveInSalemsLot · 23/07/2019 10:26

I love holidays and would rather do the cooking and laundry than home. We’ve gone away with the kids since they were young and it’s always been more enjoyable than a misery.
However, if I couldn’t afford it and ended up worrying about money for the rest of the year then I would feel like you! What’s the point? I wouldn’t go.

BertieBotts · 23/07/2019 10:29

Can you discuss with DH better ways to split the workload/maybe not going with family/budgeting/whatever else you need to make it a relaxing break for you too?

It doesn't seem fair that everyone else gets a nice holiday while you are left feeling like nanny, treasurer and housemaid?

Chocmallows · 23/07/2019 10:31

Why are mornings and nights both on you?

Pick one and he does the other!

fedup21 · 23/07/2019 10:33

Why are you having to please relatives-go on holiday without them!

I do washing on holiday so I don’t bring loads home.

I love holidays!

Mixingitall · 23/07/2019 10:39

Your post has made me laugh!!

With slightly older children it does get easier....and much more fun.

We like, self catering with a washing machine and a fabulous view and space to play.

Whenever we holiday abroad we always breakfast early 7am and then head straight out so back for siesta after lunch and a super chilled afternoon and evening. In fact often we’re all asleep by 9pm!

In terms of the washing mountain, a friend gave me an amazing tip and it’s incredible. Buy 7 kids Primark white t shirts for £1.80, they co ordinate with everything and mean your home clothes are still at home and available when you return. It doesn’t matter if they get sun cream stains or food stains don’t wash out, although I wash them at 60 and they’re good for the next holiday.

Would your dh be awake earlier if others were not with you?

UnicornCat · 23/07/2019 10:40

Absolutely make your DH take turns getting up with the kids & bedtime. Do you drive? Offer to drive for abit then you choose to stop at service stations. Sounds like everyone else gets to have a nice time and you have to do all the work. Put your foot down and make them help! It's your holiday too.

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2019 10:46

I would hate it the way you do it but you are doing it wrong
Stop by mutual consent
Take it in turns to get up with the kids
Drop the routine
Don’t go with relatives unless they are genuinely helpful

onalongsabbatical · 23/07/2019 10:50

a grumpy husband who refuses to stop at service stations unless there's a national disaster! No no no no no. And no. Boundaries - refuse to go unless reasonable stops. He's being selfish and unreasonable. Start there. Pleasant stops, use the loo, cup of tea, stretch legs, ignore the grumpiness of husband. Etc. YANBU. I know, it's not AIBU, but he is being U!

Luxembourgmama · 23/07/2019 10:56

Go to an all inclusive resort like Martinhal. I don't go on holidays that aren't all inclusive it's no fun with kids otherwise

hopeishere · 23/07/2019 11:17

You're doing it wrong!

Don't go with other people
Make your husband get up
Throw a load of washing in on the last day
Have a daily budget and "roll over" any underspend
Glass of wine every evening

Take it in turns to get up
Do the driving and stop when you want!!

UnderTheTree · 23/07/2019 11:25

We had a horrific short haul 'holiday' when DD1 was a toddler and DD2 a baby. Just everything from getting through security, screaming on the plane, hot weather which they hated, different time zone. Having to pack everyone but the kitchen sink.

We swore to god we would never go abroad until they were older. Instead when they were young we just did a long weekend away to the coast (bucket and spade type holiday) a couple of times a year but we didn't stay with relatives.

Bliss. It was easy if things turned to shit you can just drive home!

Tobebythesea · 23/07/2019 13:57

Why are you doing all the mornings?! It’s your holiday too. Put your foot down.

Expressedways · 23/07/2019 14:04

It’s your holiday too!! Why are you doing all the early mornings? Why aren’t you allowed to stop at the services? You’d probably enjoy it a bit more of your husband let you all take a break from the car and if he got up with the kids occasionally.

dreichhighlands · 23/07/2019 14:07

As pp have said you are not setting up these holidays properly, becoming a holiday martyr isn't a good look.
Ditch relatives if you don't want to holiday with them.
If renting holiday cottage get one with dishwasher and washing machine, bring washing powder and wash as you go.
Insist on proper breaks while driving to cottage, highlight urgent need for bathroom if you have to.
Set up clear rota for cooking, clearing up and getting up with kids.
Buy decent wine.
Holidays with dc aren't as chilled as pre dc holidays but they can still be fun. ( but not if you are the only one working)

framedinwhite · 23/07/2019 14:10

I'm with you OP even though my DH stops at reasonable intervals and splits workload with me 50/50. After our last break (which was at Center Parcs so plenty to do) we decided with a baby and 3 year old it's too much work for too little reward while they're small. No more holidays until they're older.

Next few years we're going to do 'staycations'. DH takes a week off work then we do loads of day trips to nice places but come home at the end of the day! Fun, nice memories, none of the shit bits (hopefully!)

Lazypuppy · 23/07/2019 18:30

I love holidaying with my 18month old. We've been abroad twice with friends as well and to Cornwall twice with my mum.

So much easier to go with other people/family as they can help with dd so me and dp can have some time to ourselves as well.

This year we are going abroad again with 2 friends and their dd.

PumpkinPie2016 · 24/07/2019 07:36

I think the issue is that you are being left to do all of the packing and then getting up/putting children to bed. That needs to be shared out with your husband.

Also, what type of holiday at you doing? We do holiday cottages in the UK and make sure we get one with a dishwasher and a garden - the dishwasher makes the pots easy. The garden means children can play safely while you relax.

With money - you need to plan the budget before you go to avoid overspending. You don't have to spend loads to enjoy it but it need a careful planning. Are you buying lots of coffee/lunch out - would a picnic be better in terms of cost and because it's less stressful with small children?

Emilia1986 · 07/07/2023 09:41

100% agree just came back from Cape Verde single mum with 2 year old and 9 year old and absolutely hated it. I am not going again until my daughter is at least 4 years old.

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