Introvert mum struggling with isolation

[JMcD13]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on overcoming my feelings of isolation.
My dd is 12 weeks old but I'm finding making mum friends very hard.
My two brothers both have children but live overseas and my best friend has not long had a miscarriage following a cycle of IVF. Other mutual friends of mine and dh live on the south coast and I don't really have any other friends.
I've found I've become very reliant on my mum for company and the level of my feelings of isolation hit me this weekend when my dh was away on a stag do and my parents away on a short break.

I have stayed in touch with ladies from antenatal classes but I'm starting to feel I don't fit in with them. We have a WhatsApp group to offer support and ideas and arrange meetups but I feel I'm ignored when I suggest meetups or new groups to try. It takes me a very long time to totally relax and be myself with new people and I worry this makes me appear awkward and makes it hard to make friends.
I spent the weekend at home and cried most of yesterday due to feeling so low about it. I just wish I had more self confidence and was more outgoing so people would get to know me and see I'm actually a very loyal, caring and fun person.
I'm going to other mum/baby groups but find it exhausting trying to make conversation and feel very self conscious about how I'm perceived. It's making me want to stop trying but I desperately want my dd to be used to meeting lots of new and different people so she doesn't struggle with the same social anxieties.
Has anyone any advice on ways I might be able to overcome these issues and move on to making some good friends??

I found it hard to put myself out there and I don't really have much chat! I found it easier at classes than mum & baby groups - you can still chat but it's not as awkward.

I'm in pretty much the same boat! Moved from the south coast to Scotland a couple of years ago and haven't really got many close friends here. My main company has been my mum and I'm feeling lonely. I only have 3 months left on mat leave now, so I have resigned myself to not having made any new friends now. Sorry I don't really have any advice, but at least you know you are not the only one! I tend to stick to groups that either I or baby enjoy, speak to people while I am there, but don't expect anything to come of it (maybe this is part of my problem though!). We also do things that I enjoy as much as possible, such as getting out of the city for walks in the countryside.
The best thing I did was going to a swimming class as it was the same group every week. Stupidly I changed the day I went, and the new class is small with no where to socialise after....perhaps I should switch back. Other things I have been to the people seem to change quite regularly so you don't get the chance to get to know folk over time.

Both my children are at school now but I remember how it feels.. I'd say try a library story session or something like a class that means you spend less time trying to chat but there are opportunities to chat if you want too iyswim..
I found that I didn't mind being home if we'd done a group in the morning and it takes time to build up a friendship so hopefully going every week will help with that.. Good luck xx

Have you tried the app Mush? It might not be your thing but it shows you other parents in the area and you can chat to them. People post for advice etc too so that's a good way to get chatting. I've only met one mum friend from there but I've spoken to more.

Whereabouts are you OP? I felt similarly, it did get better but it was slow and gradual. I ended up falling in with a little 'gang' of parents which I actually ended up adding other people to, we have a Whatsapp group and over the last 8 months or so have all become a nice group of friends. My DD is 13 months and I've been back at work PT since she was 9 months so it was the case that just when we all started to become proper friends and I was confident and taking her to lots of groups, activities etc, my ML ended! It is a shame. She was (and is, to some extent) an absolute nightmare of a baby too (screamed all the time) so I needed all the support and getting out the house I could get!

I will say though, there is no way my DH would have been on a stag do all weekend when DD was 12 weeks! Especially when you sound as low as you do, poor love, you need the support.

To meet people I went to a regular baby group at a local children's centre, and then I also joined Mush, and basically an outgoing parent on Mush messaged me when I joined and said there was a Whatsapp group of some local parents and would I like to join it, and I said yes and eventually started meeting up with some of them, and then I added some people I met at my regular baby group to the group as well.

I was just going to suggest swim classes. Much less pressure on you to make constant small talk but enough scope for quick chats and bonding in changing rooms after to get your foot in the door with other mums!

I feel your pain! I have struggled with talking to people and now classes have finished for the summer I'm staring down the barrel of 6 weeks with not much to do and no one to see. Usually I'm fine with it, but there are a few moments when I feel a bit lonely. Swimming is great, baby signing has been good too. Classes where there is activity to focus on.

Its hard though, especially when you see people from the same classes making friends and you feel like the odd one out that no one wants to talk to. I dont have a solution, but you're not alone feeling this way.

I also found classes easier than groups - if you're not talking to someone you don't feel like a spare part. I did baby sensory, baby yoga and sing and sign.

Also an introvert, and usually the least into Organised Fun ever, but they kept me sane.

Hi, where abouts are you? I'm in the same boat and understand how you are feeling. Sounds like you've done really well going to groups etc. I haven't done at all as haven't been able to pluck up the courage! x

When your DH gets back and can look after your baby, why not try Meetup.com and find a group that's not alt children or parenting? Something about a hobby you enjoy or a subject you find interesting? It can be hard to connect with people where the only thing you have in common is that you both gave birth to children at a similar time.

Thank you all so much for your advice and sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not alone!
Based in the midlands I thought there would be no end of groups/classes etc but it's actually quite limited in my area which makes it harder as most things involve travelling at least 30 mins each way to get to meetups.
Following your posts though I've given myself a brush down and thrown myself into improving things. @UnicornCat and @MeadowHay thank you for mentioning Mush, thanks to that I'm now in a WhatsApp group with local Mum's and already arranged a swimming meet up next week
I will persevere and look for some of the other classes some of you have mentioned. I'll hopefully gel with someone eventually and start building some good friendships. Thanks again, it's given me a real boost X

Aw yay! That's so good to hear😊

It’s only 12 weeks so not long op!
It took me ages to find a good group of friends. You will find that some will click and others not so much.
Your baby is tiny but once older, the toddler art club and baby massage classes attract a more gentle crowd. Mother and baby Pilates, sing a long at the library and church groups are very friendly.

When you arrive don’t think about how hard it is for you, just simply ensure your baby is enjoying herself and work on just relaxing into it. No pressure to make small talk, just let it happen naturally. When it does, have a pre prepared list of possible things to talk about. Always let them know at the end you hope to see them again.
As time goes by, suggest a picnic or coffee after. If they can’t make it, try again another time. Be open and friendly that’s all.
Try to put others at ease, rather than focusing on discomfort. It will soon get easier and more enjoyable!