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Parenting

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Finding it hard to be around friend and her baby

2 replies

sparkleblue · 21/07/2019 09:51

My friend and I had our first babies 3 weeks apart. Both currently 5mo. We are the first to do so in our group, the rest still very much out partying, late nights etc. I know this friend through our bf. So even though we are not super close, we have a lot of shared memories over the years. She is quite a difficult person. Can be very sarcastic but also suffers from high anxiety. Lots of situations in the past where things have upset her, she's acted badly towards other friends. I've always felt I have to be cautious around her, walking on eggshells not to bring up certain topics I know upset her. Anyway, back to the present. Since we've had babies she wants to meet up with me a lot. And I feel the exact opposite! I've done my best to put her off but have seen her a couple of times and have also been honest about how difficult it is to travel to her with my baby. This is the crux of my post! My LO is pretty high needs. Meanwhile, friends baby the opposite. Very quiet. Falls asleep easily and anywhere. They've already gone on two holidays, one abroad. Meanwhile we've only just built up to a trip to the park down the road. She takes her baby to the pub with all our friends, it sleeps in the pram. She's described my baby as unsettled which he's not. He's just... a baby. He laughs more than he cries! Anyway, I'm now at the point where seeing her just really upsets me and stresses me out. She makes me feel like a failure. It feels like she is constantly telling me how "good" her child is. I know, I know, this is ridiculous, every child is different yadda yadda but it's really getting to me. I'm just looking for a bit of a morale boost / support / advice for ways to get over this. It's taking up too much of my headspace and I know I'm being dramatic and need to let it go and do things my way, but I'm really struggling. Maybe it's because we're the first of our mates to have babies. I just need to get over it. Last night they were in my dream for gods sake.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 21/07/2019 10:04

You are a wonderful mother with a wonderful child. As you said, each child is different and they constantly change.
Her child may be laid back now but in a couple of months, that could all change and they could become very demanding and sleep terribly. That's just the nature of babies.

If you don't want to hang out with her, don't. Continue to make excuses until she gets the picture or just tell her outright that you don't have time to see her right now.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 21/07/2019 10:08

Step back - the baby arms race will drive you both crazy. She is probably comparing your baby with hers in some aspects too and wondering why her baby isn’t doing xyz yet.

If she makes you feel bad then don’t see her. It’s hard enough with a baby without dealing with negativity.

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