Would like some thoughts on our shared parental leave plan

[digitalcat]

Hi,

DH and I are expecting our first baby in January and intend to share the parental leave. I'm self-employed and earn more than DH. We've luckily been able to save enough so that we can be pretty flexible with how we split the leave. As I can decide when to start working again, I can just be not working for a bit rather than classing it as maternity leave, with DH taking more of the parental leave share if that makes sense.

Our current thinking is:

• Both DH and I off for the first 3 months
• I would then have a further 3 months off and see how I feel about going back to work after that
• Option for DH to then take another chunk of parental leave when I go back, another 3-6 months?

Would you have found, or if you've done it, did you find both parents being off at the same time helpful? We're both inexperienced with babies but keep hearing the first three months can be the most difficult so our thinking is if we're both off then at least one of us can rest / sort other things out whilst the other is caring for the baby. Plus just being able to spend that time together as a family. We then like the idea of DH being able to spend more time with baby when I go back to work.

Obviously we expect we won't know how we feel about it for sure until the baby arrives but our current plan for telling his employer is 3 months at the start, with the potential of another chunk of parental leave when I return to work. Does that sound sensible?

Open to opinions / suggestions, we are just winging it at this point!

Personally I'd have chucked my husband out of a window if he'd had three months off at the start - even after a traumatic birth and the after effects! It's hard work and tiring but there are long hours of doing very little and it being just the two of us meant that I could nap with the baby when I wanted to, watch boxsets and have a PJ day if needed. I'd have rather had him be off later on when DS constantly needed more entertaining and slept less. I appreciate this is different for those with high needs/colic babies in those early days.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/ you would need to shorten your maternity leave period to create leave for him to take. You yourself don't qualify for shared parental leave/pay but he might.

I think it sounds perfect. A new baby is a shock to the system. Having your partner around to do all the odd jobs and bring you tea if you’re breastfeeding would be bliss! And he can also share the night rocking to sleep etc.
If you’re breastfeeding, then six months off for you in total is ideal. Babies start becoming more interested in the world at six months so your DH could have a fine time taking them out and about.
I had a baby who barely napped/slept for the first six months unless on me or DH so personally, I would have loved that three month help in the beginning.

Having my husband off work for 3 months at the start would have saved my sanity and helped massively with the PND I got. If I could turn back time and redo those early months he'd take unpaid leave and we'd deal with the newborn stage together as a family.
I think your plan sounds great, will help you both have a brilliant bond with baby, get used to parenthood from the start, and hopefully get more rest than most new mums.

Sounds good. My DH is self employed but we saved so much money first that he took months off when our baby was born. Saved my sanity. Babies are boring and monotonous. It's nice to have an adult to talk to.

Thanks all for your thoughts, very helpful. :)

hahaha, Yogurtcoveredricecake! Yes we've heard there isn't a lot to do at the start. Maybe 3 months is too much and we'd be better with DH being off more later.

dementedpixie, thank you for the link, it looks very informative. The way I've set up my work I'm an employee of a Ltd company and both DH and I meet the continuity of employment test and employment and earnings test. I've spoken briefly with my accountant about it and he thinks we will qualify but will obviously look into it in more detail.

Oly4, sounds like it will totally depend on how good the baby is at sleeping! Good to know you would have liked the 3 month help.

Ahhh fab thank you TequilaMockingbird0 and Onatreebyariver, great to hear your thoughts. Sorry to hear you suffered from PND Tequila, that's another factor to consider for having some shared time at the start.