Grandparents dilemma

[Katd1990]

Hey. I'm new to this so please forgive me.
I have an 8month old daughter who is my world. A fiancé who is my rock and my sole mate. All grandparents are alive and well and are very eager. Here's my issue. My mum doesn't see my daughter very much as we live 45 mins away from her. She doesn't drive and we both work shifts so not always possible to line days up. My fiancé's mum lives 5 mins away and sees my daughter a good once or twice a week. Now my mum has messaged me saying that she's bought my daughter a present for her 1st birthday. My only issue is we already have it as my fiancé's mum bought it around a week ago. My mum has now got upset because she feels left out and every time she wants to or buys something my fiancé's mum has already bought it. I don't want to stop either grandparents from getting my daughter anything as being grandparents they like to spoil but I'm feeling so much stress over this I feel like breaking down. What do I say to my mum? And should I start telling my fiancé's mum to calm down on the spending? Please I need help!!! (Sorry for the very long read)

Is there something you need or want for DD'S birthday. Ask your Mum to get that and tell MIL that she is getting that and under no circumstances is she to buy the same or similar either for birthday or just because!

Can you get away with not telling your mum that your DD already has the item?
Either have two, or return one or regift it? Can then thank both Mums for the gift as your DD genuinely will use the item!?

And I wouldn't ask MIL to calm down on spending as she obviously wants to buy gifts, which is so lovely! Just could say casually along the lines of "honestly MIL, you are so kind, but please don't feel you have to! DD is a very lucky girl"... if she carries on, it's obviously because she enjoys it.

Yes, if it's the same item, can't you return one of them but just say nothing? Your DD is too young to blab and both grans can think it came from them! Allocate each of them a specific birthday list to pick from in future so they won't get the same thing.

Start a list for special occasions, give it your mum first and make sure your mil gets something different.

I have similar issue with sil. Birthdays and christmas she comes in with bags of clothes for dcs. I know she means well but i fucking hate it. Shes already said she got bags of stuff for the twins set aside. They arent even home yet!
Want to be able to dress my own dcs! Shes ott with it. I had to organise all the bits n bobs for dds christening last year before they were told the date just so she didnt go and do it all. She did that with ds1, i never got to do any of it myself and its always annoyed me since.

If she feels left out it's up to her to make more of an effort.

She can't whinge at you about your MIL, when she's not attempting to travel to you herself

It’s a shame she can’t see you as often as she’d like, but it’s not reasonable to expect your MIL to see you less (assuming you’re happy with the level of contact). That’s just what happens when you aren’t the same distance.

Its still 4 months away from your DDs birthday, there is plenty of time for your mum to return it. Can you suggest something to her specifically that your DD would get a lot of use of? If there are gifts she’s already given, can you send her lots of photos of your DD using them, so that she feels you are thinking of her even though you aren’t seeing her so much?

Time and forging a relationship with dgd is so much more important. Am sure your dm knows this and is feeling jealous and like she's not needed anyway due to mil buying things.
I'd try and sort one day every few weeks that you and DD can spend with your dm.
It's not really mil's issue and I wouldn't make it one.