WWUD- To emigrate or not?

[Lollypop85]

For some time my DH and I have talked/dreamt about emigrating to NZ with our DC.
We imagine our DC growing up in a beautiful, safe environment (not that it's terrible hear). Teaching then to work hard but equally living the family lifestyle to the full.

I have a friend that already lives there, she tells me how amazing the life is there and a wonderful safe place for the children and we also know another couple that moved there last month, so we wouldn't be totally alone starting our new lives.

My concerns are about the people we would be leaving behind, I can't help think I'm being selfish and it would leave my family heartbroken.

My DC are the only grandchildren and my parents have such a wonderful relationship with them although we only see them once a month/6 weeks.

WWUD? Go and follow our dreams as a family or stay and not leave/hurt our loved ones?

Have you ever been? I know a woman from there and she says she wouldn’t live there. Scenery is beautiful but the towns aren’t attractive and the weather is similiar to here. And it’s so far away.
But why not go check it out? Do like that TV program and go check out what work/housing/lifestyle is like and do your sums. Then think of the distance between you and your family. It could be amazing, if you could hate it. Only you can decide but you really have to go there first before you even consider it.

I am from New Zealand (lower S. Island), I love it believe me its not fairyland. Where are you thinking OP?

Yes the scenery is nice but it doesn't pay the bills (NZ is expensive!) so you really need to have a reasonable income as it is expensive. Not being a negative Nelly OP, but there its not all a bed of roses - horrific poverty, homeless, abuse and suicide rates (above the UK and near the worst in the OECD). Also earthquakes..

If you do have a reasonable income it is good place to live and bring up children. I grew up rurally, I went to a rural school by the coast - mufti and we spent a lot of time in the outdoors in the summer (beach, sport etc), the beaches are lovely. The school rules are much less strict, and the curriculum is less intense especially at primary, which I loved - its not totally focused on education.

But the isolation is tough, we lived in the UK for 15 years and I was lucky if I managed to go home every 18months for a couple of weeks - its expensive for flights, uses a lot of annual leave because if you pay $$$ in flights so want to be home for a couple of weeks. You have to be prepared to miss weddings, christenings, funerals etc and god forbid dying relatives. And travelling 30hrs with young children is not for the faint hearted...

I suppose it was easier for me, I am an only child and my dad died as a teen so it's just my mum as immediate family and she is retired with a decent income so she visited plenty.

But the shoe is on the other foot now, as DH is a Brit and we are in Australia. Its hard, we saw DH family regularly and the kids do miss their grandparents / cousins / uncles / aunties, DH family are loaded so can visit often but its still tough which is why this isn't a permeant move. E.g BIL and SIL have just had a baby but we won't be able to meet it until next year when we go over for SIL wedding. Cant afford / have AL for both.

Essentially, you need to do the sums after factor in housing costs ($500+ in rent if in AKL/ Wgt), food ($150-200), petrol ($80 for a tank), GP costs etc and see roughly if you can afford to go home once a year at a minimum, and standard annual leave is four weeks too (on the bright side you are entitled to 5 statuary sick days per year) so need to factor in that too.

But it is easier to visit at Christmas time as its summer hols for kids, private sector is generally shut until 7th Jan, even the whole of January its pretty quiet in NZ as everyone is on holiday.

Advice from someone who emigrated 8 years ago to Australia- Go on a holiday, visit the country for either a long period of time or multiple times. As you have children you need to think about this more so. Hubbie and I were in our mid 20s when we hoped on the plane to Australia with no kids or anything. I also have a sister living here. Like anything it will depend on where you live, if you can get jobs, house, schools etc. Also visas....

It is great you have a friend there but do not rely on them alone, some friends tell you what you want to hear or are telling themselves they are better off. Some will be begging you to come, then happy to see you once a month as their lives are busy and will go on with or without you just like they have.

Then there is the costs. Australia is crazy expensive, NW is too. Whatever amount you think you need save A LOT more. We were 6 months without work. Both myself and Hubbie have degrees and work experience plus jobs in demand but where we live(it is honestly one the most beautiful parts of the world) people just don’t leave their jobs.

Gosh I sound negative 😂 just like us I really feel people think Aus/NZ is the answer to all our dreams..it is beautiful but be prepared to work your ass off and that to take a good couple of few years. We have a 2 year old and another on the way in 5 weeks. What I wouldn’t give to be able to drop the kids off to our parents for a few hours. I know you say you would feel guilty taking the kids away but also remember you are going to leave behind all that support and help too. It’s hard!!!! My sister took our son for the first time this weekend because I was admitted to hospital, she’s busy her life is the same with or without us here.

So why are we still here..well if it was up to me we would probably moved home and that might be on the cards in the next few years, having kids changed things for me big time. Husband wants to stay another few years. Also remember if you come here and don’t like it, but Hubbie does you can’t return home with the kids without his permission. I know you are thinking that would never happen, I have seen this happen with multiple friends that you would have never seen coming.

The positives a bigger/nicer house with a pool..good jobs(after a while) sunny weather and beaches close by. NZ obviously is a bit different. My advice go for a holiday but remember you are on holiday, check out houses, schools etc. Save a lot more than you think you will need. It’s definitely not easy. Do able but hard.

Good luck x

I couldn't do this to my family, sorry.

I'm a New Zealander living in Wellington.

It's a really nice place to live especially if you are into the outdoors.

But it is expensive. So expensive! Our cost of living is high compared to wages.

And it's so far away from the UK that my expat friends really struggle with that. With the cost of living being so high unless you are on a very good income you will struggle to afford to go back for a holiday.

How much time have you spent there?

Oh this is such a tough one! Dh and I emigrated 12 years ago and I’m still trying to decide if it was a good idea. If I could go back in time, I probably wouldn’t do it. The guilt over leaving family never goes away, and in fact it gets worse. Since we’ve lived here, we have lost 4 grandparents, one uncle, and one close friend. We weren’t able to go back for any funerals, and we’ve missed close friends and family weddings. As our parents get older we are seriously looking at the option of uprooting our whole lives to go back home and deal with their end-of-life care. England feels like a foreign country to our children, and there are tax implications for us moving back as well. Also NZ-UK is a long way, and you’d probably have to spend every summer holiday traveling back home. That’s what we do, which means that we don’t have the time or money to have any real family holidays.
Sorry to be negative but that is our reality. We do have an amazing quality of life, but the drawbacks of being far from family are very real. To be honest, there are more, but those are the ones that I think are the strongest. Good luck, OP.

How much family do you have in the UK? If just your parents and no siblings, why not ask them if they'd like to move to NZ too. Or move to Australia, better job opportunities and varied climate (can have a tropical holiday with no need for passports, just jump on Tiger Air and go to the Gold Coast for $100 per seat)

Its really hard to advise other people on this. I emigrated to Oz and we absolutely love it, it was totally the right decision for us. But I isn't for everyone, its very stressful and a lot of hard work, and it costs a lot of money. I do miss my mum though ( I am an only child and my father has passed away), but that's pretty much all I miss (apart from decent newspapers). First investigate visas and jobs, most Kiwis seem to be in Oz, perhaps because there are more jobs here.

Having lived in both UK and Australia for almost 10 years.. (I know it’s not exactly NZ but it’s close)... my experience is it really comes down to how close you and DH are with your respective families.

The distance and time difference does really get to you. Like the above have mentioned, unless work/$ allows, its often very hard to make the trips home for special occasions (weddings, funerals etc)

We have Uk friends who have married Aussie and moved with their retired parents and it really worked for them. The retired parents sold their home in the UK and bought a small home and travel around Aus in their camper van, living the dream. Their children get to see the grandparents often... win-win!

But! If you’re close with your families... then i wouldn’t. It’d eat you up over the years.

The reason we moved here is that our children will get to see my DH’s parents and family. They are a lot older than my parents. Say in 10 years time if they are no longer around, we might be moving back there again.