Inviting a friend to sleepover at grandparents

[CuckooSings]

Would you find it strange if your child was invited to a sleepover at their friends grandparents house?
I'm autistic and simply cannot do sleepovers. Playdates are hard enough! Dd is 10 and feels she is missing out. All of her friends have sleepovers and she wants one too. My lovely parents live a 10 min drive from my house and have offered to do a sleepover for her and one friend. But I'm not sure if this is something another parent would be comfortable with?

DD has been for a sleepover at her friend's grandparents. Her friend shares a bedroom so it was the easiest option. It didn't occur to me to question it but then the grandparents live in the same village and often do drop off & pick up at school so I felt as though I knew them a bit.

No, I wouldn't find it weird.

Do the friend and her parents know the grandparents well? I would never send my dc to someone’s house overnight who I didn’t know. So yes, I would think it was odd and decline, but it depends how well they know each other. Could your parents come stay with you to help for the night?

I did it lots of times growing up, DS has done it a few times.

Perfectly fine.

I wouldn’t be keen if I don’t know them/ the house/ who might be in the house.

“Do the friend and her parents know the grandparents well? I would never send my dc to someone’s house overnight who I didn’t know.“

Even at 10? You may need to rethink this policy when they go to secondary school.

My granddaughter has has about quite a lot of sleepovers at my house. So I don’t think it’s strange.

I'd be ok with it if they regularly did pick-up and drop-off and I'd seen them around.
If I'd no idea who they were I would say no.

Even at 10? You may need to rethink this policy when they go to secondary school.

Why?

We don’t have secondary school here so it’s not the benchmark in our household that I see a lot of others have.

Seems like a really good solution to me

Yes they do pick up at least once a week and attend all school events plus have met dds friends on days out when I need support and DH is working.
I'll approach mum and see what she thinks.

I wouldn't allow my DC to stay at their friend's grandparents house. Unless I knew the grandparents well.

If I knew the grandparents and my DC was comfortable with it, and importantly you could convince me that my DC wouldn’t be an imposition then totally fine.

I think I’d actually find it a bit easier if it was a sleepover at your house (I.e. your DD’s home) but with grandparents in charge babysitting for the night. Not sure why - I suppose it would just make more sense to me somehow that DD was ‘hosting’ in her own room.

Assume you don’t have a DP around who can do a sleepover with you going to stay elsewhere? Or would you staying elsewhere be an issue for you?

It would be fine here. My parents (dc grandparents) have been doing this a long while as I'm the youngest of the siblings

Of course it's ok. It's unusual but you only invite good friends to a sleepover

Although you mention a DH so I assume you don’t want to sleep elsewhere while someone whose runs the sleepover at yours or your DH would have done it already?

Would be fine with me. They are the grandparents, not some random strangers.

I think it's fine and a lovely gesture from her grandparents.

Is it possible to have a sleepover at yours but you basically retire to your room for the evening (with an activity you enjoy, and food obviously!) You could say hello and then disappear? Your dh would be there for any chat. I hardly ever see the children who come here, other than telling them where the food is.
This might not work for you but it's an idea if the grandparent thing wouldn't work. I haven't sent my son to anyone where I haven't met one parent, though I usually haven't seen the dad (not always resident) but I have met the mum before a sleepover. Not that that means much I suppose but it is something!

@CuckooSings
I was wondering if you have explored this issue with anyone professionally? My mum has anxiety and agoraphobia and it was similar for me - she was very uncomfortable having people in our house at all. I dont know if there is much support out there but it could be worth looking into.

@NicciLovesSundays I have a lovely therapist. I manage my autism very well but part of that is recognising my limits! Between my DH - who works shifts so is often working evenings/nights - parents and PIL the kids don't miss out. It's just sleepovers I'm struggling to find a way around.

If everyone knows the grandparents and where they live and can have contact numbers then yes it’s fine. As long as it’s all sorted out beforehand.

Thats great to hear @CuckooSings