I'm having a breakdown

[mysuperpowerisme]

I'm scared, i dont want to do something ill regret.

I have a 1 year old son and a 1 month old daughter...

I think if something doesn't change i will end up running away.
My son just screams all day and clings onto me annoying his sister and trying to pull her hair and my daughter is so fussy and doesn't sleep at night so will just cry and eat all night.

I think that if i could i would give them to parents that could care for them and it hurts me to feel that because i love them both so much but last night was the last straw for me.. i have felt myself getting worse and worse but i think i've finally broken... so much that i actualy said it aloud.. i don't want these kids anymore

I now have no patience with my son even though i was so calm and cool just a week ago but now anything he does angers me and i dont even feel able to smile at him but he is such an amazing boy.

I feel that i have given up and it hurts me so much, I've become a horrible mum.

The thing that is keeping me going is just knowing that i cant live without them so if i do give them up then i know that im also giving up on life but i do feel they would be better off without me because im scared at how much ill break, its getting worse everyday.

I need help but i know there is nothing anyone can do.

The best thing you can do is to talk to your gp. It’s common to struggle after having a new baby.

I wonder whether you might be experiencing post natal depression.

@PurpleDaisies Thank you for your reply, I do agree that maybe i have PND because i don't feel like this is normal and i feel like a complete different person to how i was a month ago.

That sounds very hard. Are you on your own? Is their dad there ?

@Wildorchidz I do have a husband and a mum who help but i still feel like i am in it alone, funnily enough i was the calm one in my relationship, now my husband is the chill one and i'm the one wanting to lock myself in the bathroom forever.

Definitely speak to your health visitor or GP- it sounds really tough. Are you a single parent op?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had PND and felt so hopeless, like life would never be good again.

I reluctantly spoke to my GP and went on Sertraline. It takes a couple of weeks to kick in but wow, I felt like myself again. I stayed on it for 6 months, whilst I gradually regained my life. I was worried about coming off it but it was actually very uneventful and a year later I'm still happy, having had no relapses or issues since.

It doesn't have to be this way. Speak to your GP and see what they can do for you. It sounds so tough and medication can help to get you back on an even keel so you can cope. X

Sorry just seen your update. Maybe tell your husband and mum how you’re feeling too so they can better support you

Get some advice from the professionals OP- there is help available and you're not alone in feeling like this. Please don't feel bad- being a mum is the hardest job in the world!!!

You are not alone, I have been struggling to, everyone has phases like this. You will get through this
g.p first call
Remember you can ring Samaritans for an anonymous vent
Tell people how you are feeling you will be surprised how much they understand

Please see your GP ASAP. You can get help and recover. But you need to tell them how you feel.

Yes, see the GP. They have heard it all before and will help you.