Losing the plot with toddler

[Lizbiz89]

I have a 13 week old and a 2 year old. Lately I feel like I'm losing my temper and I feel so awful about it. My 2 year old is constantly testing me and screaming. My baby is a lot more chilled but when they both start screaming together I feel like I'm losing my mind. I honestly feel so overwhelmed at the moment with everything. My 2 year old is such hard work and won't stop until she gets her way. Please see say this phase passes fast!?

It’s horrible Isn’t it. My DD is 2 y 9 months and she is testing. It definitely improves as there speech develops. My daughters a good talker now she we grew out of the screaming phase, but she winges allll the time of she can’t get her own way. She also ignores everything I say and ask if her if it doesn’t suit her agenda. It can be infuriating at times! I am expecting my second any time now. So I take my hat off to you. It’s going to a challenge I expect.

Have you got anyone who can take her out for a few hours to wear her out? Give you a little break! X

@Blondiejay24 thanks for the reply. Yeah she does go to nursery twice a week but she's still a complete handful when she's at home. It's just hard with having a new baby as well (although he is such a chilled out little boy luckily). My daughter is 2.4 years old so a little younger than yours but I bet that makes all the difference with communication. I just can't wait until she can talk properly and has a little more reason. The tantrum stage is just so bloody hard lol!

Yes I definitely think it helps. We went through tantrums a bit earlier but not was definitely during the time she couldn’t really talk and was just maybe understanding/saying a few words. She would get really frustrated and we’ve have screaming most mornings and at the littlest things. DD has been talking now since just before she was 2 but that now means she won’t shut up and I get her answering back, telling me to go away and telling me to say sorry and not about at her.. cheeky little
Oh and shouting muuuuuuum 20 million times a day to the point I wish I was deaf. I can’t leave the room without being beckoned back for something.
We’re currently going through a bit of a phase ourselves I think. As I mentioned I get constant wining and moaning at the moment and she’s dropped naps now so I have it all day when she’s at home. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d be driven to alcohol 🍷

Sorry - half of that doesn’t make sense. It’s predictive text

This is the point at which I went to the doctor to get some tablets. I was getting angry with everyone and feeling like I couldn't cope. It DOES pass (my youngest is 2.5 now) but it was a hard slog some days. Don't be afraid to speak to someone if you feel overwhelmed.

I'm in the same boat 2.1yr old and 5 week old here. When they both cry at the same time I just want to run away! Thankfully so far it's been short lived.

My DS has been really accepting of his little sister but she is feeding constantly atm and I feel like it's getting on both our nerves that I can't seem to put her down.

I'm also waiting on a leap in language, he understands a lot but doesn't say much unless bribed prompted.

@Blondiejay24 yes yes yes the wine is so helpful ha ha. My daughter can say quite a few things now but still struggles to say some things which is when the tantrums start. She also says mummy about 50 thousand times a day which drives me insane now. Also if I don't do what she asks then she throws herself on the floor screaming. It also doesn't help that you get all this conflicting discipline advice as well. Some say naughty step, some say not to use it. Some say ignore bad behaviour, some say to address it. So confusing!!

@QuilliamCakespeare I will see how I go with everything. I will make sure to see the GP if I feel it's all too much. Hoping I'm just having a bad couple of weeks.

No advice just saying I hear you! I have an 18 month old and a 3 week old, the baby is no bother but the toddler is an absolute nightmare! Can't even leave them in the same room

@Modestandatinybitsexy yes it's so hard in the early days isn't it! My daughter is also very good with her little brother but seems to act out more with me. The feeding is hard as well. I actually stopped breastfeeding after 2 weeks as I couldn't physically continue with my daughter wanting me up every 5 minutes. I really want a third child but not sure I can go through this again lol.

@Lizbiz89 I want to breast feed this one (when he decided to make an appearance) and I’m just concerned at a) how jealous my daughter will be, and the fact I can’t just sit down during the cluster feeding. Just have to see how we get on I suppose!

@Blondiejay24 I personally couldn't do it for a lot of reasons the second time around.
My son was extremely hungry and needed a lot (he weighed 9.5 pounds when he was born) so I was finding it extremely painful. Plus my daughter had just started nursery so I had a schedule to keep with her.
Also she wanted me here, there and everywhere so I found it far too limiting. I don't think the age gap helped either as my daughter wouldn't sit still for 5 seconds so I was constantly having to run around after her juggling the baby on my boob lol. So after a lot of tears and guilt I made the decision to stop. Hopefully it'll be a better experience for you the second time around.

You’ve hit a really bad time with both tbh. 13w was the hardest bfing time for both of mine and there is a reason the ‘terrible twos’ was given that name. This is the perfect sibling storm. You deserve medals.

You need coping strategies for sanity. Call in as much help as you can get. Get/do something each day for you - however small.
Your daughter is obviously seeing that screaming/crying works to get attention (because that’s what the baby gets) and she may be trying to be the loudest. It’s so hard for her because her language and understanding just isn’t quite there yet. I can’t offer advice because my gap was bigger and that made it easier.

You are doing amazingly well - and this will pass very soon - but try to reinforce maybe some messages: maybe demarcate some time (if you can) when you will have her absolute undivided attention (even if it’s 10 mins a day) and do whatever she wants; try to get her on your team, giver her small jobs to do with the baby. Do you sling the baby?

I’m sure so many other people can offer better advice.