DD is the boss how do I get back in charge!

[darlingtwinklebum]

My DD is 4.5 and currently rules the roost.
I hate even admitting it but she really is in charge. Almost as though she sees me as a friend or like I'm joking when I say anything I'm serious on. It's happened so slowly that I've not even noticed but now it's becoming quite obvious in her behaviour.
We use the step (we don't call it naughty just the step) but she doesn't seem to learn from it. Occasionally it works but most of the time she isn't bothered.

I'm a single parent and I admit that I've probably let too much slide just because it's easier sometimes. I know that any time I say no a tantrum will come and some days I just don't deal with it. Or I say something and don't follow through with consequences.
Feel awful or like I'm not as good as other parents I see because she has a tantrum and I don't know how to deal with it.

Any advice on how to be the one in charge? Or to show her I'm serious about things?
And how to deal with her tantrums?
I know the obvious one is always follow through with consequences so I'll be working on that bit. But any other tips will be appreciated

How about different consequences? Seeing as the step isn't having an effect introduce some new rules and consequences. Sit her down and discuss some 'house rules' (no hitting/no arguing back etc). Then explain that if she doesn't follow the rules then X will happen (removal of screen time, earlier bed time, loss of a toy). Most importantly follow through with the consequence every time and make sure the consequence is something that matters to your daughter.

As far as tantrums go I would ignore her as much as possible. If she is safe then tell her you will not be speaking to her until she has calmed down. Leave the room if possible and wait her out.

House rules sounds like a good idea I'll think of some and write them out so I can refer her back to them.

Currently I use consequences which actually thinking about it aren't great. For example we won't be going to X tomorrow. When actually I'm not always able to cancel things the night before. Might try the screen time one because she likes to watch tv with breakfast and before her bath at night.

Honestly I try to ignore them. It's when she's screaming and kicking and throwing things.
I feel worse when other people are around. It feels like they're looking at me expecting to do something about it. It's probably my issue that I need to get over though.

Thanks for your advice @SheldonSaysSo

Its so tricky isn't it? Also, it's always easier said than done too. You are right, make sure the consequences are things that can be done and different things work for different children. Screen time is a good one if she enjoys having it and will notice when she doesn't. Maybe reserve loss of screen time for bigger things if possible (leaves you somewhere to go!)

I try to aim for logical consequence rather than punishment ie if you don't get out of the bath when i say, we have less time to go to bed so might loose 1 story etc

@LoisLittsLover you've given me an idea with the books as well. She loves her books before bed. We usually do 2/3 and if she's misbehaving I could knock it down to 1.

As a side note I've just ordered a book about feelings because I think that part of this issue could be she's feeling all these things and the only way she can explain them is to get angry or upset.
Hopefully that may help slightly.