AIBU to not want my child around someone I don’t like?

[TLBftm]

I don’t even know how to explain this, but you know when there is someone you just do not like? But you don’t actually know why? Like they have never given you a specific reason not to like them?

Well since DS was born 6 months ago, I feel it even more now and I do not want my son around him. I don’t have to see this person very often which is a relief, due to him not living close. But when something is organised and I know DS will be around him I get really bad anxiety and it’s all I can think about. DP doesn’t quite get it, and I can see that in future, it could cause problems as the person in question could well move closer and be in our lives a lot!

A part of me feels like I’m being horrible for disliking someone who’s done nothing wrong, but another part of me feels like a protective mum and I should trust my instincts and avoid this person when ever I can.

Anyone else ever had this? And what do I do 😩 We will be in his company this weekend and I am dreading it!

Is it a family member?
to be honest with you, I think you should just be friendly and polite to the person and not worry about keeping them away from your son as they’ve not actually done anythig wrong. Just let it go I think or put it to the back of your mind and let your DS be around them

So it’s your father in law, yeah? It’s tricky if it’s family.

You just dont like them? No reason, no dodgy behaviour etc

If you or your dh are related to that person and no one else thinks he is a bad person, you need to find a way to move past this.

Just ensure they’re never left alone with child and maintain limited contact. It’s probably some unconscious bias if you’ve got nothing concrete to go on and haven’t known them since childhood (if they’re family you might just remember the feeling not the reason for the dislike)

I’m a terrible person so I’d probably drop contact if I was getting anxious about it

I am very polite to him when I see him, like he has no idea that I can’t bear him cos i could never be horrible with him or anything.

The guy is my DPs sisters boyfriend. They’ve been together about 2 years and she’s moved about an hour away to where he’s from so I’ve only met him about 6/7 times. I have mentioned briefly to my DP my thoughts, and it kind of depends what mood he is in to what response I get. Sometimes he agrees and says he is very odd and he’s not sure of him... and other times he says that if he sister likes him and trusts him then so should we. Which I totally get. But his parents are a bit unkeen too. Every one of us gets on with him and is nice to him but lots of his family just think he’s strange too.

Like I say he’s done nothing wrong as such it is just his character and the way he is I think. And I do try and let it go, but I think the panicky first time mum in me worries about what if he is a weirdo... and I haven’t listened to my gut etc... family wedding today on DPs side so he will be there, feeling a bit anxious but DS is with my mum for the night so we can have our first night off so I’m glad about that. It’s just Sunday, family meal for FIL birthday which DS and the guy will be attending that I am so not looking forwards to!

I think I’m worried too because as it stands I can avoid him sometimes or can grin and bear a few hours a month... but there’s talk of them moving close to us. And DPs sister keeps saying she would love DS to stay over night with them etc and I smile and nod but inside I’m like absolutely not!!! Never. Which is sad because I wouldn’t mind when he’s older him staying at DPs sisters, but not with him there. It’s a no from me

I think you should listen to your gut. I don’t believe in anything woo at all like a sixth sense or anything. But he’s setting off alarm bells for you and your responding to that.
I’d keep my distance like you are now and no overnight stays.
I really would keep him at arms length.

lots of his family just think he’s strange too

Well you’re not alone and it’s not just your instinct, is it?

Yeah I deffo try keep him at arms length. Obviously I never want to say to him or DPs sister ‘oh you can’t have DS cos I don’t like you’ but like I say... I feel that in the future it’s going to become harder to avoid him and get awkward.

And no, not just my instincts, tbh it stretches through most of DPs family, they all say the same. Just certain hinges he says or does or the way he acts has us all feeing like that.

Thank you all for not judging me for not liking someone without an exact reason, I appreciate all your comments. Just this weekend to get out the way then I relax for a while knowing he’s not around :)

I have a slightly similar situation in that I do not like to leave my children alone with my sister and her partner. My sister has MH problems which have caused the whole family a lot of problems but she loves seeing my children so I try to maintain a relationship with her. She would be very angry if she knew I wouldn't trust her with my children. I manage it by never seeing her with the children on my own (DH or my mum is always there) so that there is always another adult in the room when she is with the children.

The children absolutely love her and it helps me to see them have a relationship with her that is free of all my baggage. When the time comes, I will explain to them why they can't stay over with her and that we need to support her. I've already started to explain that aunty has "strong feelings that she can't always deal with."

Trust your instincts OP

I would say trust your instincts!

Well the ordeal is over. Okay that’s hugely exaggerating haha! It wasn’t too bad, I made sure DS wasn’t left alone with him and whenever he had him I did have to remind myself to not stare too much...

I think I build it up more in my head to be worse than it’s going to be. But he’s still very odd and shifty, and we will continue to try keep our distance