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Parenting

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Original poster

No sleep! Do I cancel after school activities?

21 replies

ZenNudist · 09/07/2019 22:15

I have 2 ds (5 and 9). Ds1 now does football and scouts and doesn't get home til 8pm 2 nights a week. Then doesnt slep til 10pm!

He also does swimming and piano but thats not late nights. He needs his sleep and is unmanageable crying screaming shoving violent wreck some days. I get bad attitude all the time but then he begs to go to football and scouts.

Ds2 has to come with me to pick him up. Despite being younger hes not as affected by lack of sleep but it causes problems as he also stays up late then i end up piling punishments on him for not going to bed. Tonight he never got a star hes supposed to earn for going to bed on time, plus ive threatened no tv until the weekend (easily done) and banned another activity he loves which is harder as dh needs something to entertain him at the weekend.

Do i cancel the much loved football and scouts? It makes me so sad because he enjoys it so much.

Help!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

ZenNudist · 09/07/2019 22:19

Also I hate that our new frantic timetable is making me into a worse parent. By the time Ive told them off 10 times im getting so angry.

My other tack has neen to sit outside their rokms until they sleep. Its a shit way to spend a night. Its easier in the winter but id like a bit of evening to myself.

So down about this.

OP posts:

SushiGo · 09/07/2019 22:21

Why do they stay up so late after the clubs? What's your routine?

Can you make sure he's eaten his dinner before he goes to club, then it can be straight to stories and bed when he gets back? We do this.

SushiGo · 09/07/2019 22:23

I realised that sounds really off - sorry I'm not trying to get at you, just wondered if you had things you needed to do between pick up and bed that could be moved earlier so there is less trying to cram everything in when it's late and they're tired.

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Iggly · 09/07/2019 22:24

My ds finishes cubs at 8pm and we get him to sleep by 9. What’s happening in your home?

BakewellGin1 · 09/07/2019 22:28

My DS10 also gets in 8ish on football nights, occasionally later if his matches are further away..

We manage by having tea earlier those nights then on return he does quick shower/bath, PJs on, drink and snack such as toast then bed by 8.45, 15 min tv or read then lights off at 9pm

Bunnybigears · 09/07/2019 22:33

My 9 year old swims he doesnt get in until at least 8:30 on 4 weeknights out of 5. He has tea before he goes, sometimes it is sandwiches in the car. A snack in the car on the way back. Has 5 minutes watching YouTube when we get back while I sort his stuff out. Teeth, PJs, bed by about 9/9:15. At 9 years old why do you need to sit outside the door until they sleep?

Original poster

ZenNudist · 10/07/2019 06:16

Thanks for the replies. We do have tea before we go. So we get home and go straight to bed. Shower, brush teeth, little one already ready for bed (i come home from activities to bath or shower 5yo and then hes in bed asap when we get home) quick story or no story for 5yo, 9yo told to go straight to sleep but actually reads. Lights out by 8.30 or 8.45pm.

Then they just dont sleep! They run up and down to the loo. Demand water. In and out of each other's rooms. Whilst i come up and down stairs telling them off or find 9yo reading in dark, or throwing a ball against the wall.

And i sit in the office stationed outside their rooms like a guard so they dont keep getting out of bed and so go to sleep earlier. If I dont then they are up longer.

Starting to regret posting as i know its a stupid situation.

OP posts:

SmartyPants0 · 10/07/2019 06:30

Please don't regret posting as it's always good to get other ideas...
I would suggest that after an activity he needs to relax and wind down before going to sleep. Can you not let him read for a while with a low light or listen to story tapes. With your youngest I think he still needs to wind down with a story

user1493413286 · 10/07/2019 06:35

It sounds like you’ve got a good routine around it but your boys are just over hyped. I would try telling your DS9 that after the summer holidays if he doesn’t go to bed properly then you’ll stop the activities and if he doesn’t then stop for one week, go again the week after to see if it’s had any effect but if he keeps staying up then stop the activities as he needs to be part of the compromise within this situation/

El0die · 10/07/2019 06:35

It's not stupid at all.
Can you say to DS1 that if he is not asleep by 9 at latest or whatever time you think , then he does not do the activity the following week. If he is so keen to attend the activity, then this should focus his mind.
Mean what you say and follow through. Tell him, it's not a 'punishment' as such, but simply if he can't be 'grown up' enough to get the sleep he needs, then he can't do the activity which prevents him getting a good night's sleep.

SushiGo · 10/07/2019 13:02

Don't regret posting! I'd try making reading to both of them individually part of the routine. Read to 5yo first, then to 9yo. A little bit of extra wide down time and time with you might help?

9 is definitely old enough to threaten with punishments if he does not start behaving though.

SushiGo · 10/07/2019 13:02

*wind down time

dontbeahater · 10/07/2019 13:06

As someone who finds it impossibly hard to sleep some nights it's a bit unrealistic to suggest a child is punished for not sleeping!

Imho

SushiGo · 10/07/2019 13:08

You can punish them for running around and getting out of bed after a certain time.

It's not the same as being punished for not sleeping. I wouldn't punish if they are awake late but quiet/in bed/not disturbing each other.

Original poster

ZenNudist · 11/07/2019 08:42

Ah sigh, I caved and sent him to scouts yesterday. They both went to bed nicely though. They've lost TV privileges so figured its silly to over punish when probably lots to do with light nights and not tired.

I have said that we will be implementing a cancellation policy for the next week's activity from September if he wont stay in bed.

I anticipate a continued issue if I dont get this under control. Me and my dsis never usee to go to sleep. Used to read until late like ds1 now trying to do. Thing is he really needs sleep and is horrible without. Maybe we were too!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 11/07/2019 09:01

Work on boundaries for bedtime - if they can't sleep they can but anything that is likely to hype them up more is not allowed/punishable. Bottle or cup of water in room. Loo trip straight in, straight back to bed no talking.

Maybe look for a football club that is at the weekends rather than an evening? Then it's just one evening a week for Scouts.

Lougle · 11/07/2019 09:21

I wouldn't shower them when they get home, tbh. I think it wakes them up.

Original poster

ZenNudist · 11/07/2019 21:08

Shower before bed is their routine and ds1 gets dirty at football plus sweat/ suncream from the day...

OP posts:

Iggly · 11/07/2019 21:29

We do a quick wipe and showers the following morning.

We also have audio stories - keeps them in bed as they’re switched off if the piss about.

GemmeFatale · 12/07/2019 03:35

Is it only the late night days that they behave like this st bedtime?

crazychemist · 14/07/2019 21:31

It’s not about punishment as such, and I doubt shouting will help. DS1 is old enough that you can just be firm on he must be in bed and quiet at bedtime, and lights out is however many minutes later. After that time he must stay in bed and not make any noise or switch light back on. If light goes on etc, you tell him he cannot do activity because it prevents him getting good sleep, so no more activities that week. Tell he him he can do activities once he has shown they don’t prevent him getting enough sleep.

Be firm. Don’t shout. Don’t get angry. Just state what will happen, stick to it and get ready for them to be angry!

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