Son pretending he's a girl online

[auntysocial]

My son (8) is a fan of habbo hotel, he's on it quite alot and his profile person is a boy with black shaggy hair and he prides himself on being an "emo habbo".

Anyway I've just come in and checked up on him and whilst I was checking my email he went down to the bathroom so I went on his habbo window and noticed that he was signed in on a different account with a female habbo as his profile.

I asked him about it and he got in a flap and told me to turn it off, made out that he didn't know how it had happened etc...after pushing him a bit he said he had signed up as a girl to check out some stuff that only girls could have and that he wouldn't use the account again .

I'm a bit confused as to why he would do this, am I blowing it out of proportion?

how about something musical - could you get him guitar lessons? or involve him in amateur dramatics (there's lots of scope for learning how to do backstage stuff like helping out with the music etc.)?

I can see how it's a situation that can develop so easily.

Some children do have different interests quite early and end up feeling excluded and alone because of it. It doesn't mean you have done anything wrong, but it does seem hard to totally exclude him from the acceptance he has found online. However, how can you protect him and keep it age appropriate while he is on there?

Don't feel too despondent about it - you've realised it is a problem and have decided to do something about it. It's easy for things to slip away like this and go wrong almost before you know it.

Am no help at all I'm afraid, but when it comes to books they don't have to be dedicatedly age appropriate, just not age inappropriate, if that makes sense.
There was a fab thread the other day seeking books like this for an 8yo girl who was reading well above her age but didn't want to be getting into Jacqueline Wilson-type social issues fiction.
[rummages]
here it is.

hello fox - fab ideas you have there - what is club penguin please?

looks quite good actually

Hi franny, glad to see the pub thing went ok.

here's club penguin

my two like it (they are 5 and almost 7) but have friends who are 8-11 who also use it (but are better at the games and the like). I think batter's dd is around 8/9 and likes it.

you can set it so they can't chat to each other (i.e. type stuff in) but they can select pre-determined phrases like 'hello', 'goodbye'.

You play games to earn coins and they can buy stuff to furnish their igloo.

If they really get into it, you can pay £2.50 a month (or whatever it is) and then they can access a whole load of catalogues to get stuff for the igloo and other things (can't quite remember!) - you can cancel any time you like.

Oh it looks good, doesn't it? Look at this page about safety, aunty

and it is for up to 14 y olds so not a really "kiddie" site

aunty - sorry, I was not having a go by questioning your ds's age.

My ds is useless at football, but has managed to find a fab set of friends though the school christmas play (he got himself a little dancing part and through Beavers.
At the moment things like your ds's involvement wiht habbo etc seem to be fuelling the taunts of gay and nerd (which is horrible of the other boys) but if you get him interested in some more suitable activities he may find new confidence. Can he swim - is it worth doing a course at the local pool, he will meet other children and start to feel more confident socialising with others.

And I cannot recommend Cubs highly enough. At my sons' Beavers group (he will move to Cubs in Sept after he turns 8 in two weeks) there are all different types of boys, from shy to confident, from nerdy to cool (or percieved as cool by others) but they all include eachother and get along. It really works to include all and it great fun too!

Auntysocial - ah don't worry about it in the slightest. He's probably flirting with himself online to get someone else jealous or get the other boys to think he's cooler.

he is a member of club penguin and he loved it, I paid for the full membership and everything but the same thing was happening there, he was always talking to girls and they would always start getting "Heavy" with him, this doesn't happen to other peoples kids so I'm wondering if he encourages it in some way...? plus they would always ask for his myspace address so they could add him as a friend and then the chat would get more grown up through myspace.

He did join cubs for a while but he was put off by the shouting, said it was "Pointless"

Not all children are the same

don't try to make him fit into the little square boxes if he is not feeling comfortable in those scenarios

help him to feel that YOU love and accept him - that is important. It might be hard for him to find like-minded friends until he is older, but if it is more important for now, for him to be himself, then I say good on him

What about Woodcraft Folk if you have them near you? Likely to be less shouty (gross generalisation there, admittedly).

What about dance classes? There are loads of different ones; tap, street dance, jazz, for starters. These would be an ideal compliment to drama classes. And what about some sort of artistic class such as pottery, painting, jewellery making (can also include designing and silversmithing) textiles (fabric painting and tie-and-die).
Your DS sounds like a sensitive boy, and unfortunately such boys tend to attract bullies' attention. It takes a lot of guts to be "different' in any way at his age, a circle of friends with same interests will boost his self-confidence.
He seems really intelligent too; but intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence are not always equal in the same person, so I agree with all those who think that internet access should be supervised, and that the computer should be in a more public place.
I think that boys of 8 generally like company of their own sex but are still curious about girls (especially those who don't have sisters) and some of this may be because they perceive that girls get a better deal in life, i.e, can wear male gender clothing etc without question, but males can't wear female etc without digs at their orientation.
Many years ago, one of my cousins age 7 swapped his bike for a dolls pram with a neighbours little girl. His horrified parents made him give it back thinking the worst, when all he wanted was to find out what it was like to play with, and in those days toys were very gender specific. He turned out a very straight, brilliant father as an adult.

Don't worry op he'll grow out of it :-)

I should coco, what with this being 10 years ago.

I don't know what habbo is but it sounds like he's just playing different characters? I played world of warcraft as a teen and had a number of male and female characters.

Habbowas a social media type game TEN YEARS AGO because this is an old thread. Does no one read the dates of posts anymore?!

Oh ffs, I keep falling for that.

Funny. I wonder how the lad turned out, given that he's 18 now!