Help with newborn please!

[JBCG]

My DS is nearly 3 weeks old and I feel very out of my depth. I've never really had experience with babies before and so am very much just making this up as I go along and the tireder I get, the harder I'm finding it!! I was wondering when and how I should start to introduce a routine for naps / sleep?

A colleague of mine recommended Gina Ford (seems to be a bit divisive on MN) but after reading it, it seems very restrictive to life in reality - eg having to be home in blackout rooms for every nap doesn't seem very conducive to everyday life?

Does anyone have any suggestions of a routine that worked for them (including day time nap times) and when to start introducing it?

DS is combination fed (breastfed mainly but one bottle of formula given at night usually around midnight) if that's relevant?

I know all babies are different but I'm really looking for any sort of guidance as a starting point!

Thank you in advance x

Why don’t you cluster feed around 9-11pm to see if baby will sleep from 11-6?x

@JBCG The more I've googled (which I know is dangerous) the more I think he may be suffering from silent reflux. Someone posted a link on another thread and all the symptoms listed, DS has 🤔. Yesterday we started using infacol at the health visitors suggestion and have put the reflux tilt on his snuzpod but typically his 'screaming episodes' come during the day rather than at night .. so I'm not really sure what else I can do? Again, I don't know if this is totally normal behaviour for a 3 week old and they are just supposed to have crying fits for a few hours a day now they're waking up or if he actually is suffering from something?

I think most babies go through this. It’s could be silent reflux/ colic like you say and if it is it will pass. We went through it from 6pm every night for about 2:3 weeks then it stopped. We just went with it, gave infacol etc. Tried to comfort. They are still so tiny and their digestive systems aren’t yet coping - or at least that’s how it felt for us.

I know a lot of mums on here seem to have been fortunate that their babies have managed to sleep through at a very young age but don’t put pressure on yourself to have expectations. It will happen when it happens. Typically breast fed babies digest food quickly and so demand it often. After 3/4 months you will notice the feeding patterns will change and he will start to go longer at night. Maybe 6 hours. But you’ll always have leapsand growth spurts where you’ll notice a feeding frenzy again. Yay go with the flow.

I did used to put my daughter up to bed for an hour or so on her own before I went up. Wouldn’t leave her for long, just while I got showered etc. Wouldn’t leave her for long periods though as it’s safest when you’re in the room. If you had a baby monitor that would poss give you reassurance but most nights I’d be in bed myself by 9pm trying to get all the sleep I could get. Mine would go down about 8.00 and we’d have about 4/5 feeds from between 8.00pm and 8.00 am at newborn age. I’d get a couple more hours at 8.00am and typically wouldn’t even entertain getting out of bed until 10.00am with my first. Will be much harder this time with my second, as my toddlers up at 7.30.

The feeds got more spaced out as she got a few months old, I got my first 4 hour stretch when she was 8 weeks and I felt like a new woman!!

I remember being so caught up with routine and what I thought I should be doing with DS, looking back it seems mental now. I know it’s tempting to google but I wouldn’t- every baby is different and you’ll find what works for you.

At 3 weeks it should still be the early survival days- following babies lead and do what you need to to get enough sleep and get through the days. Feed on demand, follow your babies sleepy cues and enjoy the newborn cuddles- the time does go so fast. There’s plenty of time to worry about routine later. Your little one will naturally start to fall into a pattern and then you can work from there.

Currently heavily pregnant with DC2 and I honestly am so looking forward to being much more chilled this time round.

I haven't put a routine in place but have sussed dds natural pattern so that is the routine I work to in my head if you see what I mean.

DD is 6 months. She feeds then about an hour and a half after sleeps. There's no real timeframe as to how long. Can sometimes be two hours or sometimes 20mins. This tends to happen after each feed though. At night she has her last bottle about 8ish maybe a bit later then tends to sleep 9.30pm till about 7.30amish. Has been doing that since about 5 months. Nothing I've done for it to happen though really it's just her natural pattern.

I did find everything easier at 12 weeks like everyone tells you.

Nhs recommends introducing routine around 8 weeks.

We started with only a bedtime routine. Then gradually nap patterns started to emerge. Baby breastfeeds on demand and I do the same morning routine to get him and me ready for the day each morning. Good luck.

My advice? Stop! Go with the flow, find out what works for you by doing it your own way.
Stop reading, you’ll eat yourself up with it. Honestly, just relax. None of us know what we’re doing 😅.

I started a loose routine around 3weeks. It helped me feel a bit more in control. It was based on the baby whisperer Eat Activity Sleep routine. Although I did Eat Sleep Activity every 3hrs- ish for a few weeks and the every 4hrs.

At three weeks we were still very much muddling along but I think if you want to, you can start introducing routines. I wouldn't expect specific nap/feed times though. Our DD was gaining weight well so we started to generally aim to feed her every three hours during the day and 4-5 hours over night - I always fed her if she was hungry bu if it was a shorter interval and she was fussing, we'd try other options first. That then stretched slowly out over a few weeks until she was sleeping 10 hours at night and feeding every 4 or so hours during the day by about 8 weeks. I didn't have any trouble with breastfeeding but also was determined that the boob not be the solution to all problems so we really tried to work out whether she was actually hungry or just needed a cuddle/snooze etc.

We did start a bedtime routine - bath, boob, swaddle, bed around 4-5 weeks. DD seemed to get tired around 5:30 every night so we started putting her down then. We did put her on her own in our room for a couple hours but I was still going to bed really early at that stage! If you feel up to reading the section on sleep in Cribsheet, the author looks at the data to behind all the official sleep recommendations and there isn't a lot to support most of them, apart from putting babies on their backs to sleep (ie, the increase in risk of putting baby in on their own in a bedroom for a few hours is really really tiny, less than driving in a car).

During the day we had more of a rhythm than a routine - we knew DD would only stay awake for a certain period so we'd put her down when we got to that, but her morning wake up time was very variable. We focused on "nudging" her into good sleep habits - I spent a couple weeks around 6 weeks just working on getting her to fall asleep in the crib on her own as I was also terrified of having to drive her round or something to get her to sleep! We also would count to 30 when she was fussing - a lot of times she'd have gone back to sleep or settled on her own before we got there. It really helped us to literally be counting that we were only giving her 30 seconds before responding but that was enough time for her to self settle. Babies are noisy sleepers and she would often cry out but not actually be awake - if we'd instantly gone to her we actually would've woken her up and I think encouraged more disturbed sleep patterns.

I do think doing some really hard work early on (getting her to sleep on her own in the crib at least one nap a day and nudging towards longer intervals between feeding) really did make things easier for us long term. It was really tough at the time - DH took 4 months off and I don't think I could have done it alone but DD is 9 months now and has been sleeping through the night for about 6 months and has steadily dropped day time feeds on her own.

Also - we found we got the longest stretch at night during DD's first sleep - she might do 6 hours, then 3, then 2, then 1. I went to bed at 7:30 for a long time to just try and get that first chunk in!

Just relax! It's such early days! I was very driven by my son, he fell into his own pattern and I've just followed it ever since. He's very strong willed and tbh I've got no say in the matter. I wouldn't worry about sleeping through for ages yet - they change all the time so you might find they sleep through for periods and then have periods where you're up half the night. Get as much rest as you can when you can.

Gina knows what she is talking about. Her book clearly outlines a routine that builds week on week to take your baby to the stage where they are sleeping through the night and one main nap in the day.

We followed the routine carefully. Both boys slept through the night by 8 weeks.

On top of this a good routine takes the guess work out of parenting. If they feed and sleep when you say so (or at least plan to - they are human after all) then you know when they will be hungry, sleepy, etc.

Whilst there are restrictive elements i.e. you might feel tied to the routine, you can plan life around this and it gets easier as they get older and are napping less.

Gina allows for bottle feeding as well as breast feeding so no worries there.

My advice would be go for it. And if you do, commit.

Ultimately what kid ever knows what they need? They have to be taught, right?

Good luck!