Ed psych report - helping DS while work ft (& not good at helping w learning)

[Echobelly]

DS (7) is at end of Y3 and after a few years of concern, we have had him assessed by an education psychologist. Just received her report and I think it was definitely worthwhile doing. She’s made no specific diagnosis (which I didn’t expect her to), but observed issues with speech, language, coordination, attention and social skills. His reading age is about normal, his spelling is not too bad for his age and he has quite a big vocabulary but can have difficulty explaining or describing things. His difficulty in taking things in, attending to stuff and writing is definitely impacting on learning. He can generally access the curriculum, but at a low level.

DH and I both work FT. We have au pairs for the kids generally and I’ve never yet had one I felt was up to really helping him with educational stuff (although our next one may be better equipped for this than previous) nor would I want to lean on them to have to go above and beyond for addressing his difficulties. Next au pair will be concentrating much more on DS, though, as DD is going on to secondary school and will be more independent. DH and I are lousy teachers on the whole – sometimes we can keep our patience, but too often we both get exasperated. So it doesn’t feel like it would be helpful to, for example, cut down our hours or something to help him as we’re not good at that!

Ed psych has recommended OT and SLT – it’s as well I’m about to receive an inheritance that will probably pay off mortgage, as we may have to pay a monthly equivalent for these services, and I’m prepared to do that. But I don’t feel optimistic about our ability to go the extra mile to help – honestly, I used to be a really organised, efficient person, but I can hardly keep on top of the kids doing their homework (thankfully DD is pretty self-starting these days) and activities etc. We both come from families where everyone has done well academically so we don’t really have any experience of this – I should be clear that I don’t have a problem at all with him potentially not being able to do well academically, I just want to ensure his experience of education is not a miserable one. Despite this, he’s a bright kid and there is nothing so wrong that he can’t make a normal life for himself, but the challenge will be getting him through education happily.

How do people fit kids’ needs around their working life?

I agree it’s tough to fit this into the working week when you both work full-time. How about weekends though? Could you and DH both set aside some time to spend with him every weekend? I know you say that you find this difficult and you’re not very good at it, but maybe you need to think outside the box and find things that you and DS would both enjoy. You don’t have to sit there going through spellings with him - there are lots of other activities you could do that would help with his speech and language.

For example, go to a museum with him and make an effort to talk about the displays he finds interesting. Most museums have lots of interactive still for kids these days. Take him to the theatre and then out to lunch afterwards to talk about the show he’s just seen. Go for a walk and take photos of flowers and birds - help him identify them afterwards. Go swimming (great for his coordination) together. Play card games or lightly educational board games like Cluedo, bananagrams etc.

Does he do any after school activities? Some are better than others for the social aspects. How about beavers?

Finally, could one of you get home in time to read to him every night? That’s the single most important thing you can do IMO.

Was he assessed privately? Because if an EdPsych recommends SALT- that is something that school should put in place (although I am not sure if it is different if the EdPsych is private rather than one school arranged to assess your DS).
Regardless really, recommendations the EdPsych has made should be able to be implemented by school too, I suggest you arrange a meeting with SENCO at school to discuss if you haven't already :)

Yes, it was private assessment. We were warned we'd have a long wait for state assessment as the need level has to be super high. Absolutely going to speak to SENCO and new teacher to establish what the school can do. We think we want another meeting with ed psych to discuss priorities and next steps.

A friend with a son with SEN has recommended focusing on one thing at a time - she found doing OT first helped everything else, so I want to ask ed psych if there's something we should start with. I think in our son's case SLT may be the starting point.

DH admitted he's feeling very challenged by this on first read, but then I know a lot more about the language etc around all this as I worked in special needs education publishing for quite a long time!

Could you look for a private tutor with an interest in educational needs? Might suit someone who aspires to work in education in future? Or a TA who wants to earn some extra money? I'm sure you would get a feel from meeting them or even over the phone of whether they were able to make learning fun or not. (the most important thing at this age in my opinion)

I would expect the Ed psych, Salt and ot to be answering these questions about what you can do to help your child. I doubt their suggestions will be sitting down formal learning.

At some point you have to make a judgement call on whether your child needs parents around for them to the point where somebody has to sacrifice some work time.
Not all kids will thrive with both parents working ft.
Nobody else can tell you if your family priorities need to shift, but in my experience
Responding to needs sooner rather than later saves grief later on.