AIBU to not want to leave my child for so long?

[Molly564]

My Best friend is getting married next year and she wants all the bridesmaids to spend the whole of the day before the wedding with her and stay over (without partners or children).

I don’t really know what the plan during the day is but then the evening plans is to have a meal and drinks.

My LG has been asked to be a flower girl which is lovely so she’ll need to be dropped off with me the next day (before the wedding).

The whole thing is making me anxious as i’ve never left her overnight before and I wasn’t planning on doing so anytime soon.

Please tell me I am not the only one to not want to stay over?!

Most people i have spoken to can’t wait to leave their children!

How old is she?

She’ll be 1

It’s next year. Next year. You might be completely fine with leaving her overnight then. How old is she and how old will she be for the wedding?

YANBU. I wouldn't be able to do that either and my dd is 18m now. Hopefully you'll be able to find a compromise?

YANBU to feel how you do. If you don't want to do it, could you go for the meal, go home then go back in the morning with DD?

I personally am quite lax in leaving my kids from a young age. Have had to be as both me and DH travel for work occasionally and if our travel plans overlap the kids have to be comfortable sleeping elsewhere so have had regular sleepovers with DM and MIL from around 6 months. Therefore for my best friends wedding when DH would be at home with the kids, I'd happily skip off for a childfree night with my friends without a care in the world.

It's a long time away, it's hard to imagine now but things will be so different by then! I was still breastfeeding with most of my DCs at that age, and still managed travel away with work. It can be hard, but it's actually also a lovely opportunity for your dp (or DM or other close carer) to spend time with them and build a close bond. Then you'll see her the next day and have a lovely flower girl reunion!

With dc1 and 2 in hindsight I made the mistake of being so immersed in motherhood that I neglected my friendships. This is a really important day for your friend and opportunity to strengthen your friendships too, your dd will be older and strong and this can be great for all of you.

It all sounds a bit intense spending a whole day and night before the wedding with the bridesmaids. It's not unreasonable to not want to do all that or to want a decent night's sleep before the wedding with or without a child to think about.

By next year things will be very different. You may even find yourself looking forward to an evening off from parenting,. I am assuming your DD has a DF who will be there to care for her? Don't refuse this right now. See how you feel nearer the time.

YANBU. We're going to an adults only wedding in 3 weeks, that's about 2 hours drive away, and leaving my (will be) 11 week old DD with the GPs.

I'm terrified. If they weren't such good friends I wouldn't be going.

We have 3 more weddings next year. I have told OH that if DD is not invited (none of them are close to home) then I'm not going!

I was a bridesmaid when dd was 14 months. The bride didn’t get motherhood at all and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to stay over at hers after her hen do (it was an hour and a half away, so I didn’t drink and drove home), but dd wasn’t even one and I wanted to get back to her for the morning.

The day of the wedding, I stayed with my family the night before and then drove to the brides house in the morning. She would rather I’d have stayed over but my family were more important to me.

I wouldn’t have changed that. I know some people were quite happy to leave their baby’s when they are just days old, but that wasn’t what was right for my family and if you don’t want to leave your dc, it isn’t right for you either and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

I don’t know that I’d want to spend a whole 24+ hours doing wedding things (but depends on how close you are to the other bridesmaids).

I don’t know how old your dd is, but things will likely be very different in a year+. At 4 months, no, I couldn’t have stomached it. By the time each of mine were about 14-18 months, I skipped out the door for a night or longer away from them! With my eldest, I was away for 9 days in Australia for work when she was 17 months. It was wonderful for everyone. She had a great time with dh and I had a great time doing my things.

It’s a year away, you have lots of time to make it work if that’s what you want to do. How dependent on you is your DD for bedtime etc, does she go down well for your DP?

Tbh I don't think it's a big deal. It might be nice for you to have a break.
But then again we've always been quite relaxed about leaving DS providing he's being cared for. He's 4 and currently away for 4 days with his grandparents

Sounds like a great day to me.but then by 1 i had been away from my dd overnight and day times at least 4 or 5 times

I personally won’t have wanted to do it. We all have our parenting styles and boundaries. It’s doesn't matter what others are happy with, it’s about what’s best for your family.