DS has no confidence

[TheRealMrsHopper]

Name changed for this. Really need a hand hold and some advice please to calm me down and stop me running round in circles screaming! DS has no confidence and is always so hard on himself and puts himself down a lot! His latest is he is a fat, stupid and a disappointment. I have tried to talk to him to explain that he is not but I have just overheard him telling a friend this so it is clearly still on his mind. It makes me so sad to think he feels like this as he is the loveliest kindest loving boy ever. He is a sensitive dude though and quite quiet.

To address his points he is not fat, not the thinnest but he eats well and exercises most days and is in a club sport which is energetic. His is not stupid, he did fall behind at school (due to being quiet and not telling anyone he didn't understand) and we have now got him a tutor and is making excellent progress and he is far from a disappointment! We love him so much and tell him he is doing great but he doesn't seem to take it in. Should I be worried about this or pass it off to puberty and hormones. Just wish I could help him not feel this way x

What age is he? We might be able to provide more appropriate advice If know of we are talking about a 6 yo or 16yo

Hi snowdrop, sorry he is 11. Thanks

Keep reassuring him. He sounds lovely.
It could well be puberty looming.

I'd be trying to create some situations where he can achieve something and where you can then celebrate his success.

So, encourage him to cook a meal for the family and then praise him for how delicious it is.

Ask him to help you do something (decorating, shopping, cleaning the car) and thank him for making your life simpler.

Ask for his advice about something (so he helps you with a calculation, or using the computer etc.) and then tell him how much you appreciate his ideas and skills.

And praise him in front of other people, so when your talking to GPs tell them how kind/clever/helpful he has been.

Lots of tiny, micro confidence boosts, that value him and what he can do.

And if it doesn't go well? Then he will have learned something and can try again another time (and learn about resilience too).

In my ADHD parenting courses I've been told that even with NT children it needs 3 praises to counter 1 negative.

Lots of great ideas thank you Miss Tick, I'll get him to help me make dinner tonight and go for a long walk and get him to chat and open up. He is honestly the loveliest wee boy but gets crushed with even the slightest criticism. He hates being told off, not that he gets told off often as he rarely misbehaves and takes everything to heart. I think puberty is kicking in too and that's affecting his body image?