5th birthday party woes :(

[KTC40]

My daughter is 4, she turns 5 near the beginning of August. She's in reception and one of the youngest. She's quite shy but she's really excited about turning 5 and having a birthday party.

The parents, (including me) of the children in her class are all part of a WhatsApp group. General school stuff is discussed, including birthday party invites. When someone posts they get lots of people saying their child would love to come and most people respond, even to say sorry they can't make it but to have a great time.

I posted about my daughters birthday and invited everyone, I gave the date and asked if anyone could make it so I could have an idea on numbers. Now I know the timing isn't great due to summer holidays so maybe 5-10 out of 30 might make it.

I got the usual sorry but we are away responses from about 6 people. I was shocked that only 1 accepted the invite...the rest radio silence...

I'm quite an anxious & sensitive person, this has upset me and now I'm finding it hard at drop off and pick up...I feel like I'm being avoided 😕 but more so I'm worried about my daughter, she will expect a big party like the other children have had but it isn't going to happen. Seeing her upset will break my heart....I'm not sure what to do, I may leave it another week and then post a reminder (for those that haven't responded but have commented since on the group on a different topic 😬)...then from the outcome of that (and if other children not in her school can make it) I will have to decide to either cancel and keep it a family affair or go ahead

Anyone been in this situation?

I have an August born so I somewhat feel your pain. I was actually glad lots couldn't come as it saved me money and I didn't do a church hall type party so it was pay per child. I think I wouldn't expect everyone to reply straight away unless they had definite holidays booked on those dates, many will be looking for but not booked a holiday yet or still sorting out their summer childcare plans. I would just post and say 'I know summer holidays is tricky so I'm thinking of rearranging dd's party for September if only 1 can come, or is anyone that hasn't replied yet still a maybe?'

sorry to hear that. I was in a very similar situation myself and sent out reminders too but it didn't do a lot. Can you move the party either forwards before the end of term or postpone it until the new school year starts?
I highly doubt it's you they are avoiding - probably they are just busy or thoughtless.

End august party wont get responses.
Move her party to second week September when school is back
Or
Have a small party with just one friend

Don't worry about the lack of replies, it won't be personal - they'll just have forgotten to reply in end of term madness. But I have learned the hard way that nobody can make holiday birthdays. I always have my August born's party the first week back in September now.

Can you take your daughter and the one friend that can come on a treat trip rather than a party? Like a trip to a theme park or something like that that's suitable for their age? Thr situation is rubbish but you are best off making the most of it. Tiny numbers may make it more affordable to do a more expensive trip? Also then it won't seem like a tiny party with hardly any guests - it will be a fun trip instead!

My brother's birthday is mid August. He never ever had birthday parties growing up for that reason. I honestly doubt the radio silence is personal but I know how anxiety feels.

I wouldn't do a school holiday party unless you have a big non school social / family group so the school ones are only extras. Move school party to early September- but it's not to do with you its that the summer is a break from planning and lots of people do things depending on weather etc etc.

Your post is making me feel guilty that I haven't responded to the August party invite that my dd has received. I honestly don't know what we are doing that weekend as it's rare that myself and dh are off together so it in my case it certainly isn't personal - more that I don't know how to respond yet. Hate to think that dds friends mum is feeling like you though so I will message her to say I'll keep her posted.

I'm sure it's similar in your case so yes a reminder would be a good idea x

Parties in holidays can be very difficult. I'd aim for fewer people but a nicer thing to do. So instead of a party take 2 people to the zoo for example. Or, have a party at another time if lots of guests are what she wants, as long as she knows it's not personal it's just the holidays.

I have an August child and I do his party in the first week of September. Don’t take it personally, it’ll just be the summer holiday thing. Maybe consider moving the date or having a smaller do.

On the big party thing, I did large affairs for my DD for years but wish I hadn’t felt obliged. It was so stressful. My DS had ten to his last year and it was the best party ever.

DS had a 5th party in June, and despite sending invites out 3 weeks early (which is nowhere near as much notice as for some parties), I didn't get all the replies until a couple of days before - and even then I had to chase them up.

If I were you I'd wait a bit, and then give a gentle nudge. Most people won't want to commit that far in advance in the holidays, but I'm sure most will be glad of it nearer the time.

Thanks for your replies, sorry it's been so long, I'm new to this app so just seen them now. In September a girl had a 6th birthday party. All the girls were invited, even the girl who had just started (except my DD). There are only a few girls in the class, about 8. This girl came up to my DD and said she had invited everyone except DD as she didn't like her 😭.

We have had no play date invites although I can hear and see other going for regular ones. As it's Y1 I don't expect she will get any or very few birthday invites as she is so quiet. For her 5th birthday we ended up just doing a family birthday which she enjoyed. She gets overwhelmed by the noise etc at school, I'm going to take her to the GP for assessment just in case something is going on. 🤞🤞 she is very hypersensitive