Rant! People who ask are you breast feeding

[Murfs]

New mom here!! Just wanted to have a rant the amount of nosey feckers who ask if I am bottle or breast feeding like what business is it of anyones! The last 24 hours I have been asked by random dog lady in the park, old work colleague via text, random old lady in Sainsburys, random other new mum in the local shop and sorta friend who likes to give unsolicited advice via text!
When I was pregnant I also was asked almost daily by strangers, or colleagues if I intended to breastfeed one woman approached me in the swimming pool and kept lecturing for like 15mins this was after I said I intended too FFS!!
Im probably being overly irritated by it because I had a emcs and could only breastfeed for the first few days with tonnes of MW help in hospital then my milk dried out. My baby is thriving and bottle feeding works for us all and my hubby really enjoys feeding the baby but I feel this pressure to explain this to complete strangers! I might start telling people to feck off!!
There is faaaar to much emphasis on breatfeeding like your a shit mother if you are not doing it. Doing a little bit of research the last few days I think some of the "benefits" of breastfeeding are exaggerated!
I have to add genuine friends and family would never ask me and I would never dream of asking another new mom because I know its none of my business!!
Rant over!! Feel better now

For some reason when you are pregnant you are public property.

Yup it's extremely annoying

I agree! At 34 weeks pregnant I am getting more and more people ask! Like what’s it to do with you? I am personally not. But that’s my choice.

It’s just one of the many questions, I usually ask “ are they sleeping and feeding well ?” Rather than specifics, people really would be horrified they were causing you so much distress.
I always felt I had to justify that I’d really really tried to bf but HAD to bottle feed when I shouldn’t have but that was coming from my own head not others judgement

I don’t always think it’s a judgement. In the very early days, breast or bottle feeding can be quite a different experience. I have asked friends before, simply to understand more about their experience, and to know what else to ask them about (eg is it a sensible question to ask, can your husband share the feeds, how are you finding making up bottles/sterilising, or are you finding breastfeeding sore, have you found good breastfeeding support etc etc). Absolutely no judgement, just wanting to understand where they’re at and how they’re getting on, if that makes sense. Parenting is absolutely full of others asking you questions, with no judgement, implied judgement, sometimes blatant judgement. Sod them all...you do what’s right for your family. Congratulations on your new little bundle...enjoy them.

Perfect your resting bitch face! I'm a new mum too and no one has approached me whilst pregnant or with baby.

Oh yes OP I agree, very intrusive questions from people. I had an (old man) electrician at my house to rewire a light switch and he asked me if I was going to have a V birth or a C Section. Erm what happens to my body is none of his business- my V is not up for discussion with anyone other than medical professionals. Seriously! I said I didn't know. Then he asked me the breastfeeding question. My baps are also not a topic of conversation. Again I said I didn't know.
He overcharged me for the light switch ...

I find it really odd as well, and I did breastfeed. I’m not sure what it is they’re looking for sometimes.
“Are you breastfeeding?”
“Yes”
“Oh, I couldn’t have been bothered with it all myself, too much trouble.”
...well, okay then?

I don’t think there is much to ask at this stage so they probably just want to make conversation but I am gobsmacked at the amount of total strangers asking you out of nowhere no stranger has ever asked me

People kept asking me if my baby was planned!

People are just interested in your baby and there’s not much else to ask about when they’re tiny. You’re feeling defensive because you’re not bf, that’s coming from you no one else and you’ve no need to baby is fed the best way YOU CAN in your own situation so that’s ALL that matters. It’s academic which is ‘better’ if you only have one option 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've been asked by quite a few people, and also colleagues often just make the assumption I am which does make me feel rather shitty as I couldn't. I find honesty the best policy and I don't think any of them have meant the question in any rude way.
"No, unfortunately breastfeeding didn't work out for us." If they ask more I'll tell them. I work in health and child nutrition, so most conversations are from the persons interest and trying to be supportive, thankfully I have never felt judged by them. If I ever do get judgemental comments I'll bring out the whole traumatic tale starting with inability to latch, through expressing for about 4 hours every day, through to hospitalisation for an abscess, and they can shove that all up their arse!

I'm sorry to read about your struggle to BF. Your post suggests that you haven't quite come to terms with that yet. FF doesn't make anyone a shit mother. Parenting isn't one size fits all. As you said, your DD is thriving and that is all that matters, at the end of the day, and DH contributing to feeding makes sure that he can take the baby from you.

People do ask all kinds of silly questions (I had 4 DC in 6 years, get asked rather a lot of personal stuff and offered an awful lot of unsolicited advice) but it really isn't personal. Try to let it be water off a ducks back.

I think its the random strangers or acquaintances who aren't pregnant etc asking that bothers me like why do people want to know? I feel like people judge if you say you are not.
I wonder what the best response is without actually answering.
I am quiet open and would talk to friends and family about why not as I know they wouldn't be judgemental.

@2dogs1baby lol I need to practice my resting bitch face. Im too approachable looking lol! Aaaaah the rant feels good and yes I know im being sensitive too.

Agree with 53rdWay

I got asked in the hairdresser when she was a couple of weeks old. I said I was bf and she said “it’s really difficult but fair enough if you want to”. Someone else asked if I was ff or bf and I said bf and he said “oh that’s really isolating”... I just said it suited us and i was happy with my feeding arrangements.

It’s interesting you feel the need to say you like that DH likes being able to do feeds and play up the benefits. I don’t ever say what I find so good about bf because I’m happy with my choices and when people do say what they like about it they often get accused of being insensitive or smug.

I remember being asked constantly "are you feeding him yourself?" With the implication that that was breast feeding. I always said yes even though i had quickly changed to bottle feeds- was still doing it myself!

I ask because when I visit I don't mind (would love to) giving the baby the bottle. I tend to visit when baby is a few weeks old and the mothers are at the stage where they are quite happy to give the kid to me and wander off for five minutes of peace and quiet alone.

To be honest I think most people dont give two hoots what you do and are just trying to find something baby related to talk about to appear interested.

I did breastfeed and quite happily and successfully and this really annoyed me! I was quite happy to talk about it, but if I hadn’t been so lucky, it would have been a really upsetting thing to have everyone keep asking. Surely it’s no one’s business. Unless someone brings it up and wants to talk about it themselves.

You would get crap whether you did or didn't. I get disgusted looks, complaints of my obscenity and how I'm perverted to feed my 1 year old. If I had bottle fed I'm sure I would have had equally bad comments.

Time to accept that everyone thinks you're wrong, even if you do what they did!

I got asked a lot by everyone from nursery staff (‘formula already?’) to immigration officials (‘Formula?! I breastfed for five months...’).

I exclusively ff and was very happy with my decision. Sometimes I ask women how they’re feeding, but it’s really just out of interest and to express sympathy/admiration. I wouldn’t ask a stranger about her titty status though, that’s weird

@mollyblack I SO wish I’d thought of this in the response of the ‘feeding her yourself’ questions 😂

The only thing worse is 'was it planned?' Translation: 'I, a relative stranger, would like to know if you enjoyed unprotected sex on purpose or not'

Yes @thecompanyplonker

Always found that such an uncomfortable/inappropriate question to be asked, I absolutely hated it!