Being a parent is lonely

[didihearthatright123456]

Mum of 13 week old twin girls. Tried for 6 years, much longed for family. I’m finding it more difficult than I thought. I never thought twins would be easy, god no, but I’m finding that my options for getting out of the house are limited.

I can’t go to baby massage as you need 2 adults, same goes for baby sensory although this is a little more flexible. There are twin groups but over an hour away. Just getting out of the house is an ordeal but if I don’t get out I feel as though I’ll go mad. I end up going to the local park with the dog. I see other mums walking together chatting and feel quite sad. All the mums I see are really quite young, I’m 40 so feel I’m a generation older that a lot of mums. I just figured maternity leave would be wonderful but I actually miss my job & miss interacting with people 😞

I kind of expected to see more people, family, friends etc but all my friends have much older children and who work full time.

Not looking for advice as such just wanted to put it out there in case anyone else feels the same

Gosh yes! Very lonely at times. I'm at the stage where my other mummy friends are back at work so filling our time can be more difficult. At least the weather is better and we can get out!

Can you find a local playgroup? They are usually in church halls. The babies won't get anything out of them but you will get a cup of tea and maybe a chance to chat.

I've went to plenty of cliquey ones but TBH just getting out made my day brighter. I've also made proper friends from a few.

I agree, the early stages can be lonely.

Being a mum is the loneliest I’ve ever been. Eight years so far if just being on my own with my kids most of the time.

So so lonely.
Like I never would have imagined.

There are playgroups and I’m going to try another one tomorrow. The thought of feeding both babies though is totally overwhelming and prevents me from going places. We’re very much on a feeding schedule and If I don’t keep to the normal times I feel totally out of control (please no comments on demand v schedule, with twins I have to know when feed times are otherwise I’d get zero sleep)

I’ll see what tomorrow brings with the new group

Xx

Honestly I bet if you ask people they will only be too happy to help with holding one baby while you feed the other. I know I would be now mine are older.

I’m 9 months into my maternity and it’s the loneliest I have ever been.

I thought I’d love it but nope. I dread waking up each day not looking forward to finding ways to entertain an 9 months, contemplating whether to go out but spending far too much time contemplating so therefore ending up staying at home, then regretting it and feeling sad about it. Never ending circle.

I love him to bits though. It’s just me and him. No friends on maternity and have older kids.

I absolutely love my own company and lived on my own for years before I met dh. Apart from a few wobbles when it felt as though everyone else was in a happy relationship, I never felt lonely or bored.

When I was on maternity leave with my dc, especially the 2nd time, I felt incredibly lonely and isolated. Even now when it's the school holidays (I'm a teacher so have the holidays off) and I'm on my own with the children it's the same. I think it's because I can't come and go when I like, I can't lay in as long as I want, I can't watch my programmes on TV all day, I can't dedicate a whole day or night to my hobby and I have to follow a fairly strict, regimented timetable of meals and household chores. Essentially, I feel trapped and it's made worse by the fact that we have next to no money. There are quite a lot of days where it's bearable and just a bit dull and then there are some days where I could quite happily just say, "Fuck it all!" and walk away.

I'm so sorry you feel as you do. You don't need to go to baby activities, they weren't in existence years ago and children grew up well enough, but it might help if you could employ a good child minder to give you a break sometimes, so you can relax and do your own thing. Breaks from children are refreshing and the children meet other people.

Chin up girl, nothing lasts forever.

It can be so lonely. Jus try and get out when you can. Even for a walk.
Circumstances meant I’d planned to return to work when baby was 3 months (whilst I was pregnant). Everyone told me I wouldn’t want to leave my little baby, but going back to work so soon saved me. I found being at home full time so isolating. Not at all what I imagined it to be.

So sorry that you're feeling this way, I can imagine it must be really difficult with twins! Are there any music based classes near you like Rythym time? It might be easier than baby massage/sensory with 2 babies and a good way to meet other mums.

Also have you got the Mush app? It helps you connect to other mums in your area and you can specify an age range too.

I hope things get better for you. I felt lonely at times at the start but 6 months in I'm enjoying it now, it took a while to get used to the new normal. I also aim to get out at least once a day which helped how I was feeling and also had to actively put myself out there more (e.g asking if anyone wanted to go for a coffee after a class etc) which wasn't really like me but has helped me to meet some mums and made me realise that a lot of them were feeling the same was as me. Really hope you start to enjoy it more soon!

There were twins at the baby sensory class I went to - the class leader usually took one or one of the mum's with an older crawling child helped!

Have you got a children's centre/family wellbeing centre nearby? Our local one does a multiples group and a 0-2 group, there's always a member of staff on hand to help.

I used to go to a local coffee shop a fair bit and all the old dears would pop over for a chat which broke up the day a bit!

Having twins is especially tough. We’ve got twins too. They’re 2 now.

We found that most groups would accommodate twins with only 1 parent - they’d just work around it. Often the class instructor would hold one of the twins. We never felt excluded from classes or groups.

I'm with you! I had my daughter when I was nearly 43. She is 3 months old now. We go to various groups, walks in the park etc. My partner works away and all those friends who were so eager to meet the newborn have now disappeared. My family are over 2 hours away. The days feel relentless. She isn't a great napper and I'm breastfeeding. I crave normal adult conversations. I would go back to work earlier than planner but she refuses bottles. Apparently, as I keep being told, it gets easier but when you're welded to a sweaty baby on a hot day having not eaten then its a bit difficult to believe.

Hello

How did today's baby group go? Any good?

Alas I didn’t make it to group, the class was 9.15am, the girls had a bad night but one of my girls is having a bad reaction to her reflux medicine so she barely had any milk and screamed the house down most of the morning 😣 think I preferred the reflux 😭

I did manage to make it to the local library this afternoon, lots of mums sat together in their groups, I sat alone with my cappuccino & bacon butty, sad act lol! A couple of ladies did talk to me though, twins tends to do that so it wasn’t a total loss 😂

Hello
So sorry to hear you're struggling . There might be a few ideas on this website for parents. Look under 'Looking after yourself " on www.happymaps.co.uk and good luck, things will get better

Oh Op, sorry to read your post. A few things:

Yes, the twin mums I know seem to have a harder time getting out and doing stuff, that’s not just you.

It’s still very early days even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Baby massage/yoga/acrobatics is a load of steaming bollocks and really just a reason for an outing and chat. So don’t worry about that. Aim for the nearest park/playgroup/whatever (and yy to churchy ones) and you’ll soon find your feet.