Feeling like a bad mom after C section

[Lsquiggles]

I had my first baby a week today and due to complications during labour I had to have an emergency c section which was very traumatic and unexpected. I'm in so much pain and constantly uncomfortable. Getting up out of bed is agonising so my partner has been getting up with her in the night and I just feel like an awful mom. I know I need to rest and it was major surgery but I can't help feeling like a bad mom for not being able to do as much as I'd like. I know hormones probably aren't helping but I just feel so much guilt because I love my daughter so much. Did anyone else feel this way after a c section?

Yes, pretty much everyone who ever had one

It is mega major surgery. I’ve had three. Rest and cuddle your baby. All she wants is to be close to you, she doesn’t care if the house is a tip or if you’ve done your hair. She just wants to smell you and hear you breathe. And only YOU can give her that - all day, sat on the sofa.

You’re doing amazing.

Take your time, Lsquiggles, as long as you need. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's no picnic having a Caesarian but you will recover before long - if you don't overdo it now.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter .

Yes I felt exactly the same. I even used to cry when people joked about that first black poo because I never got to do it as my DH had to do all the nappies as I couldn't move. Please be reassured that the pain eases and you will be able to snuggle and feed and do all the things you want to do with your lovely DD before you know it. It may always feel emotional with the section, I find it hard to get over and I've just had my second emergency so gutted didn't get a chance to heal the first experience but just try and focus on the birth delivery being a small part of the wonderful life you and your little one will have together.

Op, don’t feel bad, you’ve had major surgery. Give yourself a break.
I had a 40 hour labour, by the end I was exhausted, remember almost nothing and then ds got stuck, they lost the heartbeat, there was no time for a section and they put me under & did a forceps delivery.
I took a long time to recover, didn’t even meet ds until following day. All those other mums talking about delivery being the most fulfilling moment of their life - well I can’t even remember. I felt like a complete fraud.

You have to let it go. Are you recovering? Is your dd flourishing? In the end, that is all that matters.
Everything else will be forgotten by their 1st birthday. Just relax and let yourself heal.

Well no I was ok after mine. Had to have a drain with the second but I was going out to restaurants five days after my first.
It was really painful for a few days but I was in hospital for a four days with both (second was in NICU for a bit).
It’s not uncommon what you are experiencing - some bodies heal faster than others. Don’t beat yourself up your baby is not going to know! And daddy picking her up and bringing her to you can only be a good thing - let’s him feel useful and close to baby at a time when many men feel a bit left out.

I had an emergency c section, years later I had a hysterectomy. It amazed me how I was fussed over and advised to not lift anything heavier than a feather, small one at that, after the hysterectomy but within hours of the birth I was left with a 10lb baby and expected to get on with it. Thank heavens for helpful husband but I have to say his attempts to help with first breastfeeding session when I was still drowsy from GA was pretty hilarious.

Mine are all grown up now and I can assure you it has made no difference to them, to how I feel about them or the relationship I have with them.

Look after yourself, baby needs you fit and well so accept lots of help, have lots of rest and everything will fall into place.

Congratulations on the birth of your little girl. You have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about. The safety of you and your baby came first in an emergency situation. Much rather you are both ok after a c section than having a vaginal delivery with one or both of you potentially being at risk.

Enjoy gentle cuddles with your gorgeous baby and take things as easy as you possibly can while you start to heal. As WellErr says, all your baby wants is to be close to you and to smell your familiar smell. A C Section is a bloody painful op but you will soon turn a corner and feel more yourself . You’ll get there but at this very early stage it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, weak and wibbly. 💐

I felt fucking awful, physically and mentally, for weeks and my physical recovery was definitely hindered by trying to do too much for the baby that I didn't need to.

Let your partner do every single nappy, lift your daughter to you, all the domestic chores that can't wait (a lot can wait! Just live with chaos for a while), basically everything except feeds if your BF. If you're FF he can sort the formula and bring bottles and babies to you. A sidecar crib helped me so the baby was right there, though getting out of bed was a bum shuffle and wriggle manoeuvre for a long time. It's tough, it's major surgery, but you will eventually feel better!

I find it amazing that you're expected just to get straight on with it after a baby. If you had any other major surgery or were knocked off your bike by a car, no one would give you a small dependent creature to care for and tell you to crack on! Take your time, use the help you have and just be with your baby.

Thank you for all your kind comments, it's nice to know I'm not alone and that things will get easier! I'm feeling a little more myself today and in less pain, so fingers crossed

@Yogurtcoveredricecake I completely agree! Whilst I was so happy to be discharged from the hospital after being in there a week, I was shocked that I was allowed to leave the next day with nothing but ibuprofen