Babies and dogs...advice needed? AIBU

[RaiderGirl94]

My parents have a dog who isn’t nasty towards people he knows but he certainly is unpredictable (at least I feel so) my parents don’t see he is unpredictable. I have asked on numerous occasions for them to create a safer environment for my baby to visit. All of which have fell on deaf ears. Am I being unreasonable to expect them to lock the dog out or any such measures?

The issue is they don’t see the dog as potentially dangerous. From now on my daughter will no longer be visiting which means my child won’t have a decent relationship which makes me sad. Any opinions?

Thanks

I think I’d do the same in your situation. I’m lucky that dp’s family who have dogs are very cautious around 6mo ds. Their dogs are lovely and obedient too. Nevertheless, you can never be too careful. Even if the dog is good natured that doesn’t mean it understands what a baby is or that it needs to be gentle. Babies and young children act in strange and unpredictable ways which can be frightening for animals and cause them to react negatively.

As a dog owner I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable. It's just common sense and safer for both dog and baby.

I echo the other pps thoughts. Babies can easily frighten the most well behaved animal! Try putting it to your parents in that way rather than saying that their dog is unpredictable. They'll probably just continue to get offended but phrasing it more from the baby perspective might help.
Is it possible to visit and just not put baby down on the floor when the dog is in the room? Even if that means short visits? What age is your LO btw?

If a dog owner isn’t willing to put preventative measures in or discuss how to handle introductions and creating a safe space then you don’t visit.

That being said, would you really be leaving the baby alone in a room with the unknown dog?

I don’t/won’t lock my dog out of a room when it’s my own baby, i do not want dog to get overtly jealous and blame baby / see baby as a threat. I’ve worked to train my dog to never go onto the baby mat, into the babies crib, pram or rocker. Dog doesn’t play with baby’s toys or touch blankets. So dog is reasonable well trained around my baby but new/other babies still excite her, so dog is allowed to sniff new baby then must behave and gets fuss/attention when she ignores the baby. When babies are crawling, dog stays out of way and often on adults laps. If dog ignores rules, dog goes in kitchen the same place she goes for all rule breaking. So it’s not a different punishment.

@MrsGrannyWeatherwax has it down.

The more you separate the dog, the more jealous they become and the more issues you potentially create. I'm not suggesting that you completely forget about your concerns, you are right to be cautious of any dog, but you need to step in and create the environment if your parents will not.

Have you always made a fuss of the dog prior to the baby arriving? Do you continue to do so now she has? Have you introduced her to the dog? What exactly is it that you feel is unpredictable....is this just a gut feeling or has the dog shown these tendencies? All you've said so far is that you think the dog is unpredictable and your parents won't do anything to change that......

It depends so much on the dog. No dog should be left alone with a baby but if you are all in the room, is the dog so unpredictable that it would approach the baby? Mine certainly wouldn't and can be asked to leave, go to his bed etc (in fact he will usually push off to another room if a baby visits as he isn't keen).

They're being completely naive. Even the most well-natured, placid dog can snap. Besides, babies aren't known for being gentle. A pulled ear or pulled fur could really upset any dog. They're wild animals essentially, and unpredictable.

I've introduced my ds to my mum's dog very, very gradually as I don't want him to be scared. But would I trust the dog? No. Would I leave them together in close proximity? No.

My baby is 6 weeks. When I say unpredictable I means he has attempted to bite people. There is just no way I want to introduce. The dog is very jealous of anyone getting attention apart from him. The dog is a large breed dog, too powerful for me to handle if I needed to. I understand separation will cause jealousy but jealousy is already preset without baby. The dog cannot-be trusted by his proven behaviour. The dog isn’t trained & does not listen to basic commands

I think as a mother raising concerns, my parents should take this seriously & put measures into place to make me feel my baby will be protected. Saying that is it unreasonable as it isn’t my home?

@Snowdropfox not possible to pop baby on floor as the dog may be in the room and will approach the baby

My mil has multiple dogs, she tried to prepare them for being around a baby before Ds1 was born but it didn't work for them. They find the noises unsettling and it causes them anxiety. Mil and I had a discussion where we both spoke of our worries and decided that we wouldn't visit in their home and they would have to come to us. It means we see them less but it also means both children and dogs are happier and safer.

When we originally spoke we both said how we were worried of not only how the dogs would behave and react but if the dogs or baby were hurt how awful we would both feel and the possibility of it ruining our relationship.

Ds is now a toddler and there is no way in hell I'd let him near dogs which don't know him, he's loud, squeals, grabby and rough handed. Even with 'bomb proof' dogs it's very closely monitored interaction.

Sorry, went off a but there. No yanbu to expect a safe environment for your child but if they won't provide it you have to make one yourself, even if it means only seeing your parents in your own home.

We had a similar issue with our in laws large rescue dog. They offered to put him in his crate while we visited, but that would have meant only short visits as it's not fair to keep him in there for long periods. So we don't go to their house.

If it's a big dog then the baby may not be safe even in arms. Yes I would meet elsewhere if they will not put the dog away. If you like, explain it is to protect the dog. Do you have siblings, could you see your parents at their house?

I don't think a child has a poorer relationship with their grandparents for having shorter visits with them. We can't leave our kids with their grandparents either and they still love them and get excited to see them.

Thank you for all your responses. I feel let down & disappointed my parents won’t provide a safe environment for their grandchild. I don’t think it’s much to ask & I don’t feel like I should have had to ask. I guess it’s their house & if they wish to let the dog in every room without safety gates I just won’t be taking my child. Thanks again