Help me respond to my brother

[newcupcake]

Yesterday my DD was 6 , she had a party with some friends in the morning (bouncy castle in the garden at home ) and then in the afternoon my family came around. By the time they arrived she was very over excited , hot, tired etc etc My brother gave her a Harry Potter Lego set , she loves Lego so I was surprised and embarrassed when she opened it she started crying and said she didn't like Harry Potter.
I called her over to me and explained that was rude , and Lego is Lego it is fun to build regardless of what it was and asked her to apologise and thank her uncle for the gift which she did.
He then started a rant about how spoiled she is , took the present off her and left without so much as a goodbye .
For the record I know DD was rude but I pulled her up on it immediately and it's not the norm for her to be ungrateful with presents. My brother has a history of not being able to deal well with her when she is acting out , he doesn't appreciate that tiredness , heat, being overwhelmed etc all
Impact young children's behaviour.
I want to say something to him because I genuinely don't think she is spoiled it was a one off thing and he literally walked out having snatched the present from her hands - any ideas how I can explain to him what he did was wrong ?

She's 6. She was hot, excited, tired and overstimulated (as is usual for a birthday!) and was rude. You dealt with it immediately, but his reaction was appalling.

She's a child, what's his excuse? Because his behaviour is by far more rude and extreme than your DDs was! Taking a present back because of one rude comment? Complete overreaction and really quite aggressive and unecessary.

You handled it the way I would have, because sometimes little children say things they shouldn't, and it's our job to reach them why they shouldn't.

Your brother sounds like he needs to grow up and stop bullying little girls.

Exactly what InTheHeatofLisbon said.

How old is your brother and does he have dc?As much as you would like to say something and i agree, you dealt with your dd perfectly, i think its best to leave it. Your brothers reaction was dreadful and any email to him would probably get an equally dreadful reply and start a war of words that could damage a future relationship. I would wait and see if he brings it up again and then just say that you were deeply unhappy with his childish response to a naturally over excited/tired little girl.

He's 30 is single and has no children , he lives at home still (rent free 🙄) and is living the high life ! Sums it up really !

He's in the wrong but I think you need to work out whether confronting him would be worth the drama

How was dd after he left? I think that would be the deciding factor for me about whether I said anything and what I said.

Wow childish response from an adult! Kids don't have tact and quite often say what they see/feel without meaning to upset or offend people! My son did this when younger or say "oh I already have that" and I'm cringing! I would always react like you did and get him to apologise and also apologise on his behalf. All of the adults concerned were totally fine with it, none reacted like your brother!

Most people struggle to deal with something they have no experience of.

Yes your brother's reaction was crap, but he's not yet learnt how to deal with children. I was shit with kids before I had my own.

By all means have a word with him, but explain rather than bollock.

I think he reacted worse than your dc...

I’m the most child-centred person around and used to teach Y but I do feel that your brother was not unreasonable to feel upset and offended. Not having children himself, he must have gone out of his way to remember, buy and wrap an appropriate gift. To have it rejected to his face must have stung.

However, you were there and the only person who can judge if his reaction was reasonable. If he was shouting and swearing, then absolutely not.

It also wasn’t the best planning to arrange a ‘best behaviour’ family encounter after the hysterical free-for-all which is a six year old’s birthday party!

I also think his behavior was worse than your DD's. Maybe he just doesn't understand kids? I have friends without kids and I've noticed they often don't understand the kind of things that trigger bad behaviour in kids. I gave my nephew a gift he didn't like when he was 6.
He literally spent over an hour crying about it! It was ridiculous and annoying but I just let it go. He was 6 and tired. His parents were mortified. These things happen. Maybe your parents can talk some sense in to him?

Sounds like your brother is incapable of behaving at a child's birthday party. What an idiot.

Sounds like the pot called the kettle....

Hhhhmh.... still single, living at home = little life experience.
You have explained to your daughter about her (understandable) reaction. DB won't forget this, but neither will your daughter. This is a seminal moment in both their lives. Similar thing happened with my son and he has very little to do with that relative 12 years later. Your DB has made his own bed and the outcomes are all his own doing.

I wouldn't say anything, he just doesn't understand what is normal behaviour for kids. I think I would leave him off the invitation list next time.

If you talk to him about it, you risk dragging it out and turning it into a massive falling out. I don't think it's worth it.

If he lives with your parents is there a chance they'll tell him he over reacted? I expect he'd receive it better from someone else.

I'm not sure it's a bad lesson for your DD to learn though. If she's rude and ungrateful and hurts someone's feelings, they won't want to give her presents. She'll remember this incident far more easily than you telling her verbally.

I certainly wouldn't be telling her your DB was 'wrong' (even if as an adult he should be more reasonable, she isn't old enough to understand the distinction) - he's entitled to feel hurt, and hurting people has consequences.

I think that's really bad behaviour from your brother.

How did the rest of your family take it? Might one of your parents have a ward with him about it?

The rest of my family were pretty appalled at his behaviour , my mum has said she will have a word with him . He is very much the kind of person who is never wrong so it will be hard to talk to him.

... But your daughter's behaviour was hurtful and it's good for her to learn that there are consequences. Her age explains her inability to filter her emotions but it does not excuse it.

Focus on teaching your daughter how to better deal with her disappointments. The focus should not be your brother. The desire to prove him wrong is misguided.

Your brother was a twat. It would have been irritating for him but he should have received her apology and thanks (after you told her off) with good grace.

He sounds pathetic.