Have I hurt my baby

[YummyMummy2019]

Sorry for multiple posts on this but I'm still so worried...

Held my baby in the crook of the arm fully supported after feeding. So he was lay down head in my elbow crook.
He was crying as he was tired so started to play to cheer him up.
And was squeezing my arm sort of towards me to do that jiggle/bounce thing you do with them and saying boogabooga in a silly voice. Anyway he was half giggling half still crying so I did it a bit more vigorously. Quite a lot more and he giggled. I'm not sure if it was more his body moving or his head but he was supported at all times.

Question is will that have damaged his little brain?! His head was wobbling like a bobble head side to side a little but fully supported. I was definitely rough housing him but fully supported as I say, it just was quite a vigorous jiggle/shake/bounce not sure what the technical term is for the movement!

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In every post you've been told your baby will be fine l. I'd suggest if you're this anxious you ought to seek support/medical care

If he’s fully reactive and aware, in no pain it’s highly unlikely you have hurt him (in any scenario).

As you described it really just sounds like he was tired/fretful first and you jiggled him rather than throwing him around. How old is he? And are you finding yourself really anxious about him being hurt?

You can ask your HV for support if you’re worried / anxious and just need a bit of help.

You need to seek help for your anxiety - this is not normal behaviour. You have been repeatedly told your baby will be fine and you really need to see someone if you’re this het up about it.

You posted the same thread a few days ago, and every reply told you that you have nothing to worry about as there’s a huge difference between a baby being harshly shaken, and the movement you’ve described.

What age is your baby? Are you getting much support from your husband/family? You do seem very anxious about this- is that typical for you or do you think you need to have a chat to your GP?

You posted yesterday a very similar thing. If you really don’t know what sort of movement is “shaking” and could bark your child then please consult your health visitor etc.
Your level of anxiety seems ridiculously high. You need to deal with that.

To hurt a baby in that position, you would have to make a huge effort. To cause a baby a brain injury would be pretty much impossible even if you were trying very hard to harm them.

You need some help to enable you to relax and enjoy your baby.

You've already asked this and had answers, wobbling your head is fine or we'd all be dead.

I am on sertraline for OCD and anxiety so yes I am aware I am a worrier. I was not looking for judgement just some reassurance and an opinion.

Being a mum is hard enough for all of us without us being critical of one another!

But you've already asked this and had answers, what do you think people here will say differently on a different day? Speak to your gp if you are concerned and it's exacerbating your existing anxieties.

@Falafel19 I was not hoping for different answers I just didn't think in hindsight I'd explained it properly or thoroughly was all

There are no different answers though. It doesn’t matter how many times you ask, you are going to get the same answer.

It’s not being critical to state the obvious fact that your anxiety is clearly high - you need to acknowledge that you need additional support and or medication because this isn’t a normal level of anxiety. This isn’t just “being a worrier”.

@FenellaMaxwell sorry I think you misread my comment I said I was NOT looking for a different answer

I'd explained it properly or thoroughly was all

Not sure this is any clearer.

But if you don’t believe MN, maybe seek medical advice?

You need to seek additional help for anxiety. That’s not judging you. But when your baby is old enough to crawl or walk you will have many many more things to be worried about. You must deal with this issue before your anxiety affects your child.

OP, I know what it’s like to have anxiety and be in charge of tiny babies - it’s terrifying. I think you need to go back to your doctor to maybe adjust your dose or try something else. Postnatal anxiety can be debilitating.

I spoke to my son’s paediatrician about head injuries after one of my twins rolled off the bed before I knew he could roll. She told me that people think injuries to the brain are invisible because you can’t see the brain, but they are not. If a child’s brain is injured you will be able to see signs of it. They will be acting differently, crying differently, feeding differently etc.

I hope you don’t take offence to this but were you in control? Or was the more vigorous jiggling because you were irritated, angry, upset, etc etc? I understand how distressing it can be to be sleep deprived and have screaming non stop but if you’re feeling overwhelmed you need to put them down somewhere safe like a Moses basket or cot and step away for a few minutes. I know you wouldn’t want to hurt them.

If babys tired and goes over well, then get baby over to sleep. Playing whilst they're tired can over stimulate them making it harder for you to get him to sleep.

Whilst hes sleeping, you treat yourself to a cuppa and a binge watch of something and chill out.

Why do you ask these questions? Does he appear to be sore anywhere? Babies are pretty sturdy little creatures so I wouldn't worry if you were jiggling him about a little.

It will be your anxiety telling you that you didn't explain it properly the first time. That is why people are getting frustrated as to them, your first explanation was totally clear and your second one doesn't add any other useful information. It is only your anxiety that makes you think you didn't explain well enough before.

Your baby is fine. There is no issue whatsoever.

Yes, parenting is hard but should not be this hard so you need to seek some assistance.

I spoke to a woman once whose partner was prosecuted for shaking their baby and causing brain damage. She came home and found the baby screaming an awful high pitched scream and said she’d never heard anything like it and will never forget it. You would know if your baby was injured.

I know you said you are on Sertraline, but you also need to find yourself some strategies for dealing with these obsessive thoughts. This is where CBT really does come into its own: it's a set of exercises specifically geared to recognising harmful thoughts and controlling them by putting something else in its place. If you cannot get a referral, there are plenty of exercises online you can use. They are basically all about telling your brain that "I don't have to go down that path, I don't have to be thinking this, I choose not to". I do it by visualising myself walking down a country road and coming to a crossroads. It is sign-posted and one signpost leads to the negative though. And I tell myself "NO, I am NOT GOING THERE".

Cory I have done CBT too. It enables me to recognise the anxiety (awful as it is) as not real and allows me to dismiss the thoughts. Pills alone don’t do it for me.
Good luck OP.

Just an update incase anyone else has the same query. Spoke to my midwife and showed her exactly what I did and she said she had no concerns at all. Also spoke to a friend who is a health visitor who also said it’s perfectly normal how hard I rocked him and if that were all it took every baby would have shaken baby! Just new mum worries I guess x

These are not just new mum worries - I’m sorry to repeat it but it’s an absolutely irrational level of anxiety and for the sake of you and your baby, you need to see your doctor.