what's a fair amount to ask for feeding 3 kids in our nannyshare

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

Share a nanny with another family, in general it's working really well. As we share for 3 days, of which 1 is in their home and 2 in ours, we now need to start asking them for a small supplement to reflect feeding their 3 kids (between 6 and 1) for 1 extra day a week (x 3 meals). There are also nappies and wipes (both our youngest and theirs are in nappies, and wear the same size), but I think that comes out more even anyway.

Any thoughts about what amount we should suggest?

What do you pay when your child is in their home?

How many dc do you have?

Do you really need to?

Realistically the actual cost can't be very much surely and it risks coming across as petty.

There may be occasions where the other family is more "out of pocket" e.g. they travel longer distances and pay the nanny more for petrol to accommodate you and you're going to end up in a situation where every penny will now be accounted for.

What are you feeding them? Surely it's not that expensive? I definitely wouldn't raise it unless you are really struggling.

Surely the cost is so minimal that it isn't worth upsetting the share for?

So 3x yoghurts 20p, a few extra fish fingers 50p, some fruit £1, sandwiches £1

Total is probably circa £3 or £4, would you really ask for this? I guess you could of course, just say it straight 'it costs us £3 extra to feed your kids, could you contribute?'

Or, ask to alternate so that you have two days at their house one week.

Nanny shares, in my experience, are finely balanced things that really cause incredible stress when they fall apart. I'd rather spend an extra £3 a week then have to find another nanny share!

We have 2 DC.

We don't pay when they are in the other family's house because we host 1 day a week more than they do, so 2/3 of the food the kids eat is bought by us and 1/3 by the other family.

In a previous share we paid £30 a month to the other family for food and nappies for 1 DC, 3 days a week.

There are no other costs. No driving. We both have petty cash for the nanny for playgroup costs, which again we supplement more as nanny is in our home more. For a special outing we obvs give nanny money directly for our own DC.

It's not bankrupting us, but this is a business arrangement, albeit one we certainly want to keep harmonious and friendly. Is it really so wrong to consider evening up the difference in costs, which will be in the hundreds on a yearly basis? Would all of you be happy to feed 3 DC for a day every week for a year for free?

Also, we live a few doors apart. I'd be perfectly happy to flip the arrangement and do more days at theirs - they prefer to be at ours.

I'd absolutely feed three DC one day a week if the nanny share was otherwise going well.

If it's really problematic your best bet would be to switch the balance and have the other family host two out of three days.

I'd happily feed three kids once a week rather than be 'that' parent. If you can afford it, just let it go.

Ok I would rather have my kids having more days at ours and pay the extra but as you are not fussed can you suggest that they either rotate the days every other week or that they throw a bit extra into the kitty to cover costs. I would guess if you ask for cash they will agree to rotate the houses unless they work from home.

Well, I asked. Fair enough.

£25 a month? Or alternate so all days at your one week, all at theirs the next (or 2 then 1)?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. When my DC were in nappies they were changed lots of times in a day - am not sure why you should be supplementing that for another family. Feeding 3 DC all their meals for one day per week isn't that cheap unless you are feeding them rubbish or the nanny spends lots of time cooking from scratch. Plus they have 3 DC to your 2 so already they are at an advantage.
I'd at the very least ask they supply nappies and wipes for their own baby.

I bet it suits them to have the kids at yours - no one making a mess in their house or eating all the food!

I'd say £15- £20 a month.

I'm surprised so many would be okay with it tbh! I think I'd be embarrassed to be the other parent knowing my dc were being fed by someone else , at their cost for 9 meals a week. I would have offered by now.

Is the Nannys wage split per kid (with you paying 2/5)? Or are you and other family 50/50?

Nappies definitely. I don’t know about food, I think I’d just call it good practice for when dc start to bring friends home regularly and they all eat like horses.

I would push again for alternating. You can say that you want to be as fair as possible and spread the wear and tear, mess etc.

And if that doesn't work I guess you ask for an extra in the kitty. It's clearly bothering you enough to post here, so probably worth trying to even out.

I might have eye rolled silently if the other family had asked, but would have certainly paid up. As it was they were veggie at theirs and their DC ate meat at ours but it never crossed my mind to calculate any difference.

I would ask to alternate the weeks. Mess etc would bother me.

I have no idea but, gosh, she looks after 5 children, 2 of whom are in nappies, I hope you pay her her weight in gold!

Is the Nannys wage split per kid (with you paying 2/5)? Or are you and other family 50/50?

We have quite a complicated formula, but the short version is that we each pay proportionally. Our nanny earns more for hours when she has more children - for the hours she has 5 they pay 3/5 and we pay 2/5. We also pay for more hours - she works an extra day just for us.

It is of course convenient to have to do dropoff less often, but it does come with a lot of mess and isn't very conducive to WFH days. It would obviously be different if we were further apart, but I'm quite happy to exchange the 5min walk for more peace and less toys and food turning up in odd places.

Also drspouse, she is indeed truly awesome and is pretty well paid :) the older 3 are also not here all day during school time as they have school or nursery hours, so to be fair I forgot that 2 of the DC are not having lunch here during term time.

I guess that having paid supplements ourselves in our previous arrangements it seemed fair and reasonable to us to consider asking for one here especially since the number of DC in the arrangement is more than it used to be. I considered it entirely fair to recompense the other family for my child's food and nappies when I was the one paying.

I'd start by saying come September you want to do alternate 2 days at yours and theirs or can you come to come arrangement re feeding their children.