Ex-husband and Internet access

[Ella1980]

I share (enforced by courts) 50:50 care with my ex-husband. For many reasons which I won't go into here, I hate him. Boys aged almost 12 and just turned 9. Again he is challenging the way I parent. Got this message from him:

Why is (9 yo) not allowed to watch his you tube gaming videos (unsupervised and no filters) he likes or play on the Xbox? (11 yo) has both an Xbox and phone that (9 yo) is not allowed. You just need to tell him if he views anything inappropriate on YouTube he loses it the same as I do. If you don't let him grow up you are just causing him unnecessary problems as all his friends have it and bully him about it as you are treating him like a baby. He wants to play on his Xbox and watch you tube videos like everyone else his age does. So have a think on how you are making him feel and let him enjoy himself. You think he is old enough to make his own lunch so why is he not old enough to watch a you tube gaming video?!

9 yo does have tablet when with me but it has filters on to keep him safe.

When I asked ex if any filters with him (as tablet use is unsupervised) he replied:

They don't need filters. We don't live in North Korea! If I hear or see anything not age appropriate they get banned and it rarely happens. You can't wrap them up in cotton wool as they are exposed to other children and their language and behaviour all the time so you have to be sensible about it like the majority of parents are.

Opinions much appreciated 😊

I am so glad there was no such thing as the internet or mobile phones when I had to deal with now adult DCs father who was a nasty piece of work.

He sounds like a right piece of work and no wonder you hate him.
He thinks he still has control over you and your parenting with his condescending. patronising diatribe.

I know it's really difficult but you need to take back control of your life.
He has no right to control you in any way, but that won't stop the moron from trying.

The rules at your house are different than his and it's none of his business. Your house your rules.

I take it that there is nothing in the Court Order that says you have to speak to him at all.

Change your number to a PAYgo sim and put it in an old phone Deactivate voicemail so he can't leave messages. Switch it off and put it in a drawer'!

Get yourself a sim with new number and only give it out to a few people that you trust.

Tell the children they can contact him directly
If he wants to contact the children he can do it direct to them.

If you have a landline deactivate voicemail and unplug the phone.

Block him on email.

So sorry you are going through this.

Don't respond. You do things your way and he does them his way.

DO NOT reply to these messages. Just ignore anything that questions your parenting style. Only respond when it's a sensible question such as "What time does swimming start?" or "Have you got his wellies?"

Thank you both, great advice. It does get me down. It's been over five years since I left him (due to horrendous control) and he's still like this towards me!

Since you seem to let our son watch anything he wants, then he is not being band, I simply intend to inforce my rules at my home
Thank you for your input.

Wow. He is definitely trying to still control you. I agree with pp.

Both of you are making valid parenting choices. This may just have to be one of those where the rules are different at mom and dad’s.

@rightsideofherstory I agree, it's so horrible. We are both in relationships (him with a much younger lady) so not sure why he's still bullying me? My fiancé is very supportive of me which helps but it's still difficult when he's like this constantly.