9 month old lack of attachment?

[Alicia870]

Baby is almost 9 months. She is my first and I have nothing to compare her to.
But I'm just wondering is it normal how she behaves in terms of attachment to me.
She is a very independent little thing. Wants to self feed, always puts herself to sleep, not cuddly, doesn't ever cling to me etc. I feel like since she's been born I've almost been waiting for this moment where she will beam at me when I walk in a room or when she will want to hold onto me when others approach, but it's just not happening.

I'm finding it quite difficult as I had expected that by now she would most certainly be showing a preference for me as mum, but she doesn't. She stayed with grandparents at the weekend and when I returned to pick her up, she barely even looked at me. Is this normal??

It sounds like you have raised a beautifully independent little girl x my son has just turned 16 months and tbh he didnt start reacting to me coming home until about 12 months. He also has only just started liking cuddles again, but they still only last about a min before he wants to be off again.

As long as you are doing your best and showing her love then you aren't doing anything wrong x if you need another mum to talk to I'm always happy to help x

That does sound unusual, however doesn’t mean she is not attached.

Has she had any traumas as a baby?

What was your parenting style as a young baby? Could she be used to being independent?

DS was like this. Even when I left him at nursery he wasn't bothered. He did eventually show a bit of interest around 12 months, had a few weeks of being upset at nursery and excited to see me when I came to pick him up.

My son was like this, no attachment anxiety at all as a baby or toddler, barely looked back when I left him at nursery and cried when I picked him up! but now at 3 he's a very cuddly, affectionate boy and definitely well attached, misses me when I'm away with work etc. I agree she's just independent and well adjusted!

Ds1 was like this. He’s 2 now and he loves me a lot, he is just a secure, independent little boy that has never been clingy. I’m sure your baby loves you and is attached to you. Some babies are just like this. It’s a good thing! I now have ds2 who is a Velcro baby and I haven’t done anything different with him.

My 8.5 month old is just like this. He doesn't like being left on his own but doesn't mind who is with him really as long as they are giving him plenty of attention and he knows they are there. I'm a bit offended really! He's at his grandparents while I'm at work and is fine! He's also not at all cuddly and does like being hugged. I guess that's just the way he is. He's a sociable little creature thoigh and always beaming at people and babbling so I'm not too worried about him.