CM worried about her carpet - dilemma!!

[SkittlesAreFruitGroup]

Our otherwise loving and caring home based carer has asked that we provide nappies for DS (2y.9m - 17 days into potty training) as she is not happy that he has (Occasional!)accidents on her carpet.

Whilst hoping to avoid a rant to explain this, I am sure I'll blether on, but to be brief....
DS in care 2 days/week, at potty stage of being 'reminded' every hour/90 mins or so, obliging with a wee, or else not needing to go and saying I'm fine Mummy.

Carer initially left DS in his pullup after his afternoon nap, without telling us, when we found out we indicated NO nappies other than sleep time. This week she said she would rather we waited until summer (we're in NZ), or just provided nappies as she was "not really into cleaning up his accidents, and he doesn't go on the toilet when I ask anyway".

All help and support needed, we are otherwise happy with her, but at this age and stage, potty training is kind of a deal breaker for us.

I would have thought that helping to potty train your child, as in, carrying on the routine whilst he is in her care, is all part and parcel of her role.

I find it odd that she has declared herself unable/unwilling to do that.

My CM did this to us as well. We were regularly greeted at the door with a stern expression on her face and a bottle of carpet cleaner in her hand. I have to say it was the start of things to come and by the time we stopped using her we were very concerned with some of her practices (we'd even been advised to report her to social services).

I think you should be wary of someone whose job it is looking after children but doesn't want to deal with the messy issues.

If you want to be a child minder then surely you can't be precious about your carpets? I would have thought it was part of her job description as a paid carer to support/help you whilst potty training your ds. Sorry I've no actual advice but just wanted to say I think your CM is being unreasonable IMO.

DH and I are also quite amazed, as she is such a loving and fantastic carer in all other ways, and he adores her, as do (did?!) we. I was also greeted with the carpet cleaner at the door, and he had an accident whilst I was there, she did a big sigh, sprayed the carpet and generally did not act very happy, and that was WITH me in the room!! I can only imagine the possible response if I am not there. DS is quite articulate and sensitive for age, and so doesn't miss a trick, and of course he will sense her displeasure.

I guess we have made up our minds to move him out, now the question is - how do we tell her? I HATE this part of the mummy job.

i am at this. Surely it is part of being a cm, to help with potty training etc? I would be very honest with her - tell her exactly why you are withdrawing ds.

Off to bed now, taking a large swig of Rescue Remedy Sleep.... can't switch my brain off!

I am really so pleased that I'm not the only one who finds this odd, but of course as the evening wears on I start to think, surely I'm mistaken - she can't be SERIOUS?

Sorry Tiggerish, posted when you did - here too!

If she is great in other respects perhaps she does not feel that ds is ready. Could you explain how you do it. With my ds the problem was that at home i would say
"is there a wee in your willy poppet"
"no mummy"
"well here is the potty just in case it comes soon"
a few mintues later he would sit on the potty and pee.
at nursery it would be
"come and do a wee"
"no xx"
then ds would be left and asked again in half an hour- result accident
could there be a similar problem with your ds

i have to agree with tiggerish...

i'm sorry you're having to go thru this, potty training is stressful enough on parents! (and NO one likes cleaning accidents off carpets! geez!) i hope you sort something out...

Our discussion went along the lines of:

Skittles: I'd really like to ask you that you don't leave his nappy on after his nap - we're keeping him in pants all day.
CM: I'd really like him not to have accidents on my carpet all afternoon.
S: He is doing so well at home (explains method identical to witchandchips) and we so rarely have accidents when I remind him.
CM: He just refuses me and I then have to clean up 30 mins later when he's playing.
S: (Thinking, well, don't you know how to create the 'desire' to go on the potty - lollies, stickers etc....)We had great success with a sticker chart and lots of smiles and hugs.
CM: I did ask him what he wanted, said play outside, and then he just had another accident.
S: We really have to insist that he wears pants, what other ideas do you have?
CM: Well, you could wait until summer, it's too cold and he gets to distracted playing.
S: (smiling and screaming on the inside) NO, we're doing it now, he's very ready, and really successful at home and at his preschool (1/2 day a week)
CM: Well, do you HAVE carpet at home?
S: I'll pop home and have a think about some more solutions and let you know.
CM: Hmmm.

honestly

I've offered to send our sticker covered potty, to provide chocs/lollis, stickers, and I'm either met with a blank stare or a repeat of the summer/too cold line. Bearing in mind here in winter at the moment the day time low is no less than about 15 degrees C outside...sigh.

I

humm, sounds kind of odd to me tbh - our cm cleared up a lot of wee when ds was potty training
Perhaps she's only dealt with kids in the past who potty train in days, as I know some do...

She has had LOTS of children through her doors in the last 30 years. I think my confusion/uncertainty in my own approach lies in the fact that she has so much more experience in this than me, but obviously she would be happy to wait until summer, but DS (and me and DH) are ready, willing and able now. We did have an attempt a few months ago, and he was really not ready, but is sailing along this time.

He sure isn't going to be one of the 'in a few days' boys as far as initiating his toiletting, but the wet pants are few and far between now.

So - I'm going to have to call today to say he's not coming next week - suggestions on my approach? I know, I know - direct but gentle. Anyone fancy doing it for me??

God if I counted the amount of times my carpets had been weed on (actually I on second thought would rather not) its part of the job, been doing it almost 30 years, tell her to buy a good carpet cleaner, usually do it on a Friday night when Ive got one potty training, wees happen, how does she think he is going to get potty trained if not!!!

Oooooh Shoshable I LOVE you.... I think the same thing, but of course doubt my self as the 'less experienced', even though, tbh, i am paying her.....

you are doing the right thing and fgs it usually only takes a couple of weeks to get the hang of it, and then they are dry. Cant believe she has beendoing the job for 30 years and never had a carpet weed on, is she about to retire and had a new carpet put down or something!

Much as I'd rather not have to clean carpets its part and parcel of being a childminder the same as like most sane people I would not for preference clean up vomit etc.

Children however need us to do those things, be patient, not get cross about it etc etc.

I moved into a house which has cream carpets. I clean up accidents. They happen. More damage is done to the carpets by parents trailing mud in with them.

I can't believe your CM is having problems with this. Your DS may need to be reminded more than she is doing initially. He will get mixed messages if you put him back into nappies (except for the naps) and potty training will take longer and be less successful as a result leading to her having damp carpets for longer. SHE needs to bite the bullet and get on with it.

ok support team - I'm going in - making the call. Wish me luck, I'll let you know how I go.

Tell her to get wooden floors FGS!

My c/minder cleaned up lots of pee!

I remember just before we started to potty train ds, he was fed up of wearing nappies & had started taking them off himself & running about nappy-less!

Well, my c/minder put him down for a nap & he removed his own nappy, pooed in her cot & rubbed it round her walls

She said she got spray & cleaned it & put his nappy back on.. she also put him on the naughty chair & he knew not to do it again!!

So your c/minder is taking the piss! (or not)

Ok - so i agree, she was taking the piss. Just called her, and she was VERY aggressive, but passive, (so, I guess, passive-aggressive?!) - and said "so you're terminating care just because of potty training?", my response was that is was more of a conflict of styles and approaches, and at this stage we would go the process alone for DS's benefit, and did she agree we perhaps differed in our approach?

"no" {{click}}

• she hung up!!

Wow!
But, better she showed her true colours now rather than later, I suppose.

Sad that she behaved like that still at least you know. Does she have others? Maybe she's just fed up and wanted to stop.Will you have to pay her a notice period?

I think she is becoming overwhelmed with the number of children she is currently caring for personally.

Only 7 days notice required, and we only have him there for two, so we're not too out of pocket. Have managed to get him in somewhere else, not home based but excellent day care with good ratios, so I'm pleased.

No joy with supervisor this afternoon either, feels a bit like the ranks are closing, but I'm proud of making a stand, and just so sad that it didn't work out, DS really loved her up until now, and she had previously been great, but on reflection, similarly to canmummy, there have been several things that have set off little alarm bells over the last few months, I guess I just didn't think I should fuss.

Thanks everyone - I'm off to bed to read my Harry Potter and eat a bag of Skittles..... mmmmm therapy. (and yes, it is only 9pm here, but it's been a big day )

Wow - can't believe her reaction Skittles. Well done for telling her exactly why her 'services' are no longer required. Sounds as though she knows she was out of order & just doesn't want to admit it. Hope your lo enjoys his new nursery.

surely some children must poty train in the winter!

(DS1 did!)