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DS has a horrific fear of flies

6 replies

missmartini · 23/06/2019 15:44

My DS1 aged 6 has a horrific fear of flies and I don't know what to do.

I'm talking like a fly comes into the room and he cannot take his eyes off it, jumps, shouts, screams , cries if it comes anywhere near him and can't calm down until I either get it with the swat or out the window/ door.

It's getting to that time of year that even going out to play is becoming really hard. I know he's getting made fun of in school for it and if a fly comes into his class that's it, all his attention is on that and he's even been under the table crying until the teacher has got it out. He was out playing in the park across from our house with some other kids and I was in the front garden....literally 20 feet away. I heard this piercing scream and it was him tearing towards me cause he'd seen a fly and he refused to go back out again. I see and hear all the other kids pointing and laughing. What makes it slightly worse and I know it shouldn't matter but he is really tall for his age (he's in age 9/10 clothes) so he already finds it hard enough to fit in as kids judge him from his height thinking he's 9 years old and then he only has the wit and savvy of a 6 year old and to be so scared of a tiny fly again just makes him more of a target for kids.

I've explained to him they can't bite, sting or harm him in anyway. Ive tried to get him to take deep breaths when he sees one but he properly freaks out. It's horrible to see.

I can't think that there's been a horrific fly traumatic event that's happened that's caused this. It's so bizarre and he's clearly very scared and distressed.

Does anyone have any advice/ ideas I could try to tackle this?!

Just for the record it's only flies the little black ones. Ladybirds not an issues, slugs, worms...even bees/ wasps no issues at all. Only flies!

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Caillou · 23/06/2019 15:54

dd 4 was the same, and I invented a little story (not sure it will work at 6) but basically told her that flies just wanted to make sure she was ok (at home, at school...) and that after watching her for a little while, they came back to me to let me know that she was ok.
seems to have worked so far, she is actually now happy to see them.

though at 6 I appreciate that he won't be as gullible as a 4 years old.

missmartini · 23/06/2019 16:39

Thanks for your help and reply! Honestly at this stage I'll try anything! I'm really worried about him.

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BrokenWing · 23/06/2019 22:04

I remember being terrified of dogs at that age, dad cured it by surprising us with a dog one day. I still remember hiding in the little gap behind the kitchen door holding it open so it shouldn't get me (dog thought it was a game). But within a day or two my fear was gone, I had no choice but to face it.

Is a bit harder with flies! It's it just flies or bees, ladybirds, spiders, etc too? Can he tell you what scares him so so can relate it to something that happened or maybe something he seen on TV (the oxfam ads for instance with ill children and flies can be upsetting), or someone has said something about them being dirty/germs/make you I'll?

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EvaHarknessRose · 23/06/2019 22:27

Think about it like a phobia of anything, the brain is going into fight or flight. I like the story idea. If you can encourage him to plan an exposure ladder with you 'to conquer your fear now you're a big 6 year old' then that would be great, for example if he thinks he could look at a cartoon fly it could go
Look at a cartoon fly
Watch a cartoon film with a fly in
Look at a drawn picture of a fly
Look at a realistic picture of a fly
Look at a fly in a jamjar
Stay in a room where there is a fly
Engage him in it by providing a little reward for each stage and tell him he is retraining his brain to not be afraid of flies because they are annoying but not dangerous.

EvaHarknessRose · 23/06/2019 22:29

Stay at each stage long enough and repeat as often as needed before moving onto the next stage so that he is completely calm/relaxed (anxiety drops after long enough exposure but is maintained if you leave/avoid too soon).

missmartini · 23/06/2019 22:32

@BrokenWing he's completely fine with all other insects even held a spider the other day it's literally just flies and I have no idea what's caused it. I've asked him what he finds so frightening and he just says "they're scary to me" he can't pinpoint himself why and I'm at a loss too.

@EvaHarknessRose I like this gradual idea thank you so much

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