Am I selfish for having one child

[JustMe9]

Am I selfish for having only 1 child? My partner doesnt want more and I would cope well with another child as my first one is such a hard work! I miss my freedom and lay ins in bed in the mornings etc... Is it hard to be the only child? I.e. Ive got a brother but we are not close at all but still I know that he is there if I ever need help. Would it be very selfish just to stick with 1 child? I am in my mid 20s now.

would NOT cope well *

No, it's not. You make the choice that's best for your family as a whole.

But is it really best for my son...?

Mine is happy.
He has more of my time and attention (and money!) and lots of friends.

You're not selfish, no.

I say that as an only child. I used to crave a sibling, but seeing the hassle DH has with his sister, I've given that up.

Just make sure your DC has plenty of contact with aunts, uncles, cousins etc and also try to do your best not to land too much responsibility onto one pair of shoulders in your old age.

Do some research into it, OP. There are many advantages to being an only child. They tend to do better academically, be more independent, more firmly attached to their parents and thus more confident. Providing they have lots of time with other children their own age they don't suffer socially. There's a book called the second baby which summarises the research and at the front stresses that there is no way of guaranteeing that having a sibling will be a positive experience for the existing child so if providing a sibling is your only reason for having a second baby you shouldn't do it.

Not at all.
I had 1 DC for 8 years and it was awesome. I loved how much we did together. I really enjoyed giving him all of my attention, which wasn't fractured by the needs of other children.
He was an incredibly difficult baby who grew into the most amazing, up-for-any-adventure child. And I absolutely loved every single moment of his early childhood.
I went on to remarry and have two more DCs. Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets ever and they are, all three, my greatest blessings, but I deal with a 9 year old middle child who just has never had time for her siblings. On the odd occasion she's loving towards them. But I spend most afternoons and evenings stressed by the dynamic she creates by just not wanting to get along with her older and younger siblings. This is just how it is. It didn't 'become' this way. DC1, the only child, was a totally happy only child. He also happens to be an amazingly lovely older sibling.

The bonus of having one child is that I think you will feel less frustrated and more fulfilled/balanced/stable and yes, happy.

There is an active (277) post thread in AIBU on this topic at the moment - might be worth taking a read of that

No you’re not selfish if one child feels right for your family. There’s no guarantee that if you have another child your son will get on with them and if you don’t think you would cope well then having parents who are stressed out is not going to have a positive impact on your children. Two of my four children are severely disabled, obviously I fiercely love all of my children and wouldn’t change my family but honestly I think DD would have had an easier life if I’d stopped after one; her younger brother is physically aggressive towards her and his meltdowns can be scary for her and one of her little sisters health needs are complex so there’s a real possibility my other children will have to cope with a childhood bereavement. Neither of my disabled children are likely to be independent in the future so my two healthy daughters are likely to have to worry about care for their siblings as well as their parents as we reach old age.

Of course the idea of a picture perfect family with siblings who get on and are the best of friends is a lovely thing, but there’s no guarantee that will be the reality.

There is an active post thread in AIBU on this topic at the moment - might be worth taking a read of that

I wouldn't advise it, OP. As is often the case with aibu posts, there's a lot of vitriol and shaming on there which doesn't help anyone. If you're feeling at all fragile, steer clear.

Thank you all 💐💐💐

I am an only and I absolutely refute people saying I miss out, I must have been lonely etc. I had a perfectly happy childhood! My motto has always been 'you never miss what you never had'.

I now have step siblings through my mum remarrying in my 20s, and I get along great with them, but I certainly do not feel jealous not growing up with them.

My DH has three siblings, his half brother has lived abroad for many years so are not close at all, him and sister get along ok but it helps they live at opposite ends of the country. He gets along with his other brother well now, but according to MIL they had quite a few falling outs in their late teens / 20s.

Oh to add, I have two children but I didn't have a 2nd to give DS1 a sibling (I simply wanted another child), I love both dearly but my god there are times when having one child would be much easier.

If one suits you its not selfish at all.

Having another child that you didn't really want would be much worse for your son, for you, and for that child.

No. This is done over and over and over again on mn, and always it's no.

Not selfish at all OP. For many children the sibling relationship can be really difficult.

It's not selfish if its what you want, best for your family! I personally wouldn't have only 1. Assuming no cousins, relatives close in age i think an only child is a loney child!

Ugh what an awful and untrue saying "an only child is a lonely child". Hadn't heard that before, maybe because it's shite.

i think an only child is a loney child!

There's always one who has to throw out this load of bollocks. Utter rubbish. Being a lonely child has nothing to do with having siblings or not.

Just because the child has siblings it doesn't mean they'll get on. We have 3, the older 2 girls dont like each other, they are completely different and the older and younger child will try and gang up on the middle child.

@MammaBear28 I am an only child and completely refute your comment about being a lonely child. I had an amazing relationship with my parents (still do), many friends and did not envy the bickering and fighting I saw between friends and their siblings ONE BIT.

OP the decision is yours and yours alone. Do not have another child because you think that is what your son wants/needs. I can assure you being an only child has many many advantages for both you and them x

An only child is a lonely child

Ah, well, that changes things. If it rhymes it must be true.

No, 100% not selfish! I'm an only and was very happy growing up that way. In fact I remember asking my mum not to have another child when I was about 9 after a girl at school have a baby sister.
My DS is 15 months and he will be an only....although if another person says "ooooh you'll change your mind in a couple of years" I might strangle them!!

I'm an only child and perfectly happy with an amazing upbringing. It's led me to only want 1.