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Parenting

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Original poster

How much time do you spend alone with your children?

43 replies

yellowpoo · 25/07/2007 20:00

DS1 is a year old, since his birth, despite great support from DH, I have spent so much time alone with DS.

Starting to find this difficult. New to area, no family nearby, and few friends here, finding hard to make friends, tried play group, etc.

DH spends every weekend and most evenings busy elsewhere at home or out.have tried to talk, but says this is how things are once you have children.

Is this so?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Walnutshell · 25/07/2007 21:02

Good luck Chatty - with the pg and dh. xx

Yellowpoo - come back, let us know how you are xx

Walnutshell · 25/07/2007 21:03

(Sorry Chatty, I meant dp.)

Chattyhan · 25/07/2007 21:05

Thanks walnutshell xx

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Callisto · 26/07/2007 09:12

Chattyhan, I do appreciate that it isn't easy, especially as you are pregnant. But I must admit that if my DP behaved like yours he would be looking for somewhere else to live pretty sharpish. You must not let yours treat you like shite and fob you off with sweeteners like the new HP. I really hope that the arrival of another baby changes him and good luck with it all.

bozza · 26/07/2007 09:27

on a normal week (ie not school hols) I will be alone with DD from 9 - 3.30 on a Monday and Friday apart from when we are out which is usually at least once in that time. She has a swimming lesson on a Friday am for example. Then after school until DH gets home I will be alone with the two of them maybe one of the days. The other day I will meet up with my friend and her DCs or DS will have a playdate. Sometimes this will be both Monday and Friday.

A couple of times a month DH will be away overnight so I will be alone with the DC from when I pick them up from childcare at about 5.15 until 8 the next morning. Also on Saturdays I take it turns with a friend to take our DDs dancing. DH will be around the house on Sat am. But then he plays golf in the afternoon so this is usually my longest spell alone with the two of them. Not really that much time.

I agree with others that have said it doesn't sound a very equal partnership. Your DH says this is how things are once you have children - but only for you? He continues as before? What are all these weekend and evening activities/

I try to fit in going to the gym one evening and swimming one evening. This does not always go to plan - eg not managed at all this week! I also go out with local mum friends for a curry or whatever about once a month. Also if it is my friend's turn to take the DDs dancing, I will leave DH to look after DS and my friend's DS (her DH works Saturdays) and take myself off to the gym.

Original poster

yellowpoo · 26/07/2007 20:37

Thanks for messages. Didn't expect such a response! I am in a remote part of South West, which doesn't help. Need to persevere with socialising, probably expecting too much too soon. Have been here three years. Know people to stop and say hello to, but not much more.

Will talk to DH. He spends time meeting people too, cooking (the hobby) and lots of DIY. DH does help a lot, but not so much with childcare. I hold out hope from the fact that DS and he will develop a closer relationship as Ds gets older, as some of you have mentioned.

We were a balanced relationship, i guess negotiation and discussion needed to readdress the balance we used to have.

Just knowing i am not alone in thinking like this has helped me cheer up a little and made me realise i can do something about it, without ruining the good things i have got. Thankyou.

OP posts:

Walnutshell · 26/07/2007 20:41

I'm guessing poss Cornwall rather than Devon - shame, we might have been nearby!

Do make the effort to talk to dh when you are both in the right mood (and ds is in bed) to get back on track. Good luck.

Lullabyloo · 26/07/2007 20:42

All day,every day for the last 3 yrs

Mercy · 26/07/2007 20:46

Glad you posted again YP.

Ime, once you have children the relationship with dp/dh constantly changes. It's bloody hard work sometimes!

Good luck, if you can keep on talking & negotiating I'm sure you'll be fine

pipsqueeke · 27/07/2007 08:43

glad you posted again yp see if there's some mnetters close to you- that will help. I know some local ones we do to the swimming pool, play centre etc it's a lovely day/morning out . re the man thing - start off small - like you having a hair apt or something for a few hours and build up to it so he is doing more without noticing iycwim. good luck you'er certainly not alone, DH still needs reminding now and again. lol.

walnut - DS has all of those toys you've mentiooned as well lol.

Walnutshell · 27/07/2007 19:47

Nice one pips!

stressteddy · 27/07/2007 19:50

Have't read thread but am on own with ds a lot. Thank goodness too I say. He is a wild one who needed taming. Only my strict discipline and consistency have got him to be the calm child he is today

BandofMuggles · 27/07/2007 19:54

Isn't he a parent too???

PregnantGrrrl · 28/07/2007 20:19

i don't spend alot of time alone with DS. In the morning between DH going to work and me taking DS to childminders, maybe an hour. On Thursdays i don't work, so i'm with him from about 7.30am to 4pm. Evenings and weekends DH and i are together with him.

will be much more when i'm back on maternity leave though- and i may have to find a group or something to go to, even if it's just once a week.

kama · 28/07/2007 20:27

This reply has been deleted

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kama · 28/07/2007 20:28

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FrayedKnot · 28/07/2007 20:39

I was a sahm for 2 years with DS, and for 6 months of that DH was working away (we relocated after 6 months) and after that DH was travelling a lot with work.

I found it easier to cope when DH was actually working away as I had friends & family and a routine (nct group, swimming, etc etc) during the week.

It was when we moved to a new area and I was at home all day with DS and knew no-one at all, that I started to crack up.

We went to one toddler group a week, and sometimes when DH was away, I neitehr saw or spoke to anyone else (face to face) for 2-3 days ata time.

It was god awful.

We were also finding it hard financially so I decided to look for a p/t job.

I still sometimes have reservations about DS being in nursery (he goes every morning) but I love my job, have made some great friends, have a social life, feel so much more confident, and now am starting to make friends outside of work - as DS gets a bit older and is going to birthday parties, etc etc I'm getting to knwo some of his friends' parents.

I know this isn;t the answer for everyone, and not looking to open any debates here, but it has completely turned my life around.

I did also initially consider doing a few hours voluntary work a week, but we couldn;t afford childcare if it wasn;t being paid for by working, iyswim.

If you are going to be on your own all week you must insist you get some time to do otehr things at the weekends, imo.

How about booking up an adult education workshop on a saturday for something you are interested in? Or start going for a swim, or to a class of some sort, one evening?

You will get to know people really quickly if you go to a class.

It's totally unfair for your DH to monopolize what could be your free time.

blackrock · 07/09/2008 22:27

I was once yellow poo, am now blackrock.... a year ago I started this post...

A year later and things have improved. I now work PT, and have a couple of mums who I see regularly.

Much happier with the balance these days. Now TTC no.. 2

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