DD scared of granny

[BarberBabyBubbles]

My dd is 2 and frightened of my MIL. I’m not sure why - I don’t think anything specific happened but it’s been going on several months now.

MIL thought it was because she didn’t she dd enough but it’s not that - dd is fine with other people including visitors she doesn’t know that well.

When mil is here dd gets distraught at first eg shouts no no and fights bring carried downstairs. I can eventually calm her down but then MIl will try to interact with her again and that sets DD off again. Or she’ll sit really close to DD when we’re having dinner and then dd will start crying. It’s v stressful for me as I also have a baby to look after.

It’s just about manageable when dh is here but when he’s not it is so hard.

Any advice - do we just wait it out?

Nothing like that is happening. It’s more like dd starts to cry and I give her a cuddle and try to distract her with a toy etc until I find something that works. It’s not so much of a tantrum but dd seems genuinely afraid.

So granny arrives, DD cries and then you play with her and her toys. Lots of attention. Result for DD.

One of my nieces children is a bit shy and it didn't bother me in the slightest, I was quite happy for her to take as much time as she needed.
However, my brother tried to be helpful.

'You don't need to be scared of Auntie H, she won't bite.'
Great, thanks DB now she won't come anywhere near me. I'm sure all she heard was Auntie H and 'bite' and now she's scared silly.

I don’t think that’s the cause and effect. She gets lots of attention in the normal course of her life. I’m usually playing with her beore mil arrives. Plus I’m not going to ignore her when she’s frightened. It’s not like she’s crying because I said no to something and then getting attention for that.

Regan - just read your post. Yes we’re the same about not fussing for falls, bumps etc. I get the point about not overly fussing. I don’t think I do but I’ll keep it in mind next time mil comes!

But basic plan is tell mil to ignore dd and keep the visit causal and low key. I’ll comfort dd but not be overly fussy and my dh might have a conversation with his mum about lipstick!

Could you try the lipstick thing? Put some on (if you have dark or bright colours) and see if she reacts the same way?

Then if that's it, it gives you a perfect way into the conversation with MiL, don't tell her you tested it on purpose, just say you happened to be wearing some and she reacted badly! Also might help normalise it for her

Good idea! It’ll be fun to put the lipstick on if nothing else!

Let us know how it goes... I'm oddly curious about whether that's the cause!

Well I just put on the lippy and she just smiled at me and tried to grab the actual lipstick! So I guess that would suggest it wasn’t the cause but I think we’ll never really know!

Go out. Park, day trip so dd sees her on a different context

My dh is planning to go to local park with them hoping it helps.

Thanks for the update, I'm a little frustrated not to have a solution 😁

More seriously I do hope things ease up with MiL, it must be upsetting for her and DD and stressful for all of you!