Firstly, apologies, I didn't know which section to put this. I have 3 sons, and the middle one who is 32 moved back into my home around 4 years ago. Now the issue is, I told him he could move back to get himself on his feet, but failed to give him a time to do so. I believe he has mental health issues, depression at least. He also has a drink issue and anger management issues. The worst thing about him though is that he refuses to take any responsibility for anything that happens around him. He thinks things happen TO him, not because of him.
In the last year he has lost 3 well paid (£45k a year) jobs, because the line managers were incompetent (yeah right). He usually ends up having a strop and getting angry at the wrong person. If he doesn't feel like going to work, he stays in bed. The last job, he had a week off three weeks in. He didn't tell me he was sacked - but I will come back to that.
He has also lost 2 girlfriends this year, both due to anger. I went on holiday with him at Christmas, and experienced his rage. He actually screamed at me in the street because I flapped over a wasp (I have an Epipen and didn't fancy Christmas in a Tenerife hospital). Anyway, I knew then of the rage, and how it was unprovoked. He was apologetic the next day, not that that helped much.
He couldn't get a proper job from early December until May, so did some care work. In that time, due to zero hours contracts, and low pay, I didn't take any board. Then he got a new job, and for a few weeks paid £150 a week. I didn't know that he had lost this job (a month in), as we keep different hours, and he does shifts, so it is hard to know.
He came home last night really drunk. I asked if he had been to work, and he said he had gone back to the care work, as the manager at the new job was unreasonable, and refused to give him a CO2 monitor or something like that. Again, not his fault, never is, and we are all supposed to ride the pity train. I told him that he couldn't keep on losing jobs, or nobody would employ him, and besides, I couldn't keep him for nothing.
He went mad, and said it was my fault, as I had given birth to him. He then said that he would be dead by morning, and was going to flip his car on the motorway. He threw his phone down, and took off in his car (yes I know I should have phoned the police, I didn't, and don't need judging as I was completely screwed up thinking he had threatened suicide, and had a plan how and that took up all of my head space).
About ten minutes later he came back, and began screaming at me again, saying that I had MADE him drive his car drunk and angry, and that was unforgivable of me, and he was done with me for that. Oddly, he began crashing round the kitchen making himself some tea. I sat here with my partner, both of us terrified. I knew that calling the police at that point would have made the situation a whole lot worse, as he would have been arrested and charged. He was up on a DV charge last year, but got acquitted as his g/f didn't show for court.
I messaged his dad, who said that he had walked on eggshells for years and hadn't seen him since an anger episode at his house bbq a few weeks back. His advice was kick him out. My older son's advice is the same.
I am meant to be at work today, but have had to ring in as I've had no sleep. He is upstairs sleeping like a baby.
I think he needs medical help, the AA, and a bedsit / flat of his own. I am scared though that if I push him to this, he will commit suicide. Threatening it last night and taking off, where he could have also killed innocent people on the road was unforgivable. I know I have enabled his behaviour, I don't need to be told that. I really need some advice on what to do next. I think he is due at the care job around 11, then is going for a bike ride (there is another thing, no money to pay board, but paid out £4k on a fancy bike).
Should I wait till he goes out, black bag him, change all the locks and hope he doesn't smash my house up (he doesn't have form for that) OR give him until the weekend, OR give him a month? Or something else?
Thank you for reading and sticking with this.