Hello MNs. I’m back again, always find it helpful here.
I’m in need of some perspective.
Have just tried to have a discussion with DH and I can’t believe how rude he is to me now.
I’ve noticed he doesn’t look at me when we’re talking - he’s always busying himself or on phone and sometimes if he’s hobbying I’m talking to the back of his head.
This makes me feel like he’s not listening and that he’s focusing on when I’ll stop talking so he can get on. It’s crap.
This eve I tried to Address that issue and asked ‘can I talk to you please?’
And right from that moment he started saying things like ‘I know where this is going, you’re going to trap me in a conversation on your terms’
And that he didn’t want to talk to me. When I persuaded him, we sat down and I was careful to frame my POV with ‘I feel’ and ‘it feels like’ rather than accusations.
Even so, he became agitated and defensive and kept interrupting me, saying things like: you’re too sensitive’
And that he was just a figety person and I’d have to get used to it.
He was glaring at me and made sure to fix my gaze the whole time - although this time it was not the kind off fixed stare i would want!
I kept trying to explain but he clearly felt so cheated that he was sat there having to talk to me - he was honestly like a cross defensive teen even though I was calm, tried to be thoughtful in my delivery and only wanted to get my feelings across.
For some reason he feels like need being penalised - he resented me even raising how I felt. He was cross that is stopped him from doing his hobby while we spoke.
He kept saying I’d ‘trapped him’ into this discussion and that I was trying to control who he was.
It was all so deeply rude I can’t beleive what I saw and heard.
if he’d spoken to me like that at the start of our relationship,
I would’ve seen it very clearly. Now though, for some reason, I am sat here wondering if I did something wrong.
I can’t beleive that wanting to talk to your partner about how you feel is sinister though?? All of his language, and the heat with which he said it, was like I was a nasty manipulative criminal. He didn’t take on board anything I said, he spent a lot of energy telling me why I was in the wrong.
We have a baby and I don’t know what to do. I try to protect DC from the undercurrent between me and DH but I know I can’t.
I feel like my DH doesn’t like me (or respect me) and I told him that - but his reasction was to get up shaking his head, repeating what I’d said and walk away.
This is clearly not how someone who cares would talk. But I keep thinking I can fix it somehow.
It’s all a big mess and I feel so angry that I’m taking it and after an argument I just feel guilty that I wasted my energy that I could be putting into my baby instead.
I’m not perfect but I’d never bring bulldozer defensive before a conversation had even begun.
Any perspective on this??
I feel so confused and angry.