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Does your baby like their grandparents?

8 replies

nomushrooms · 16/06/2019 15:19

Just that, really - wondering if it’s just mine who doesn’t?

She’s nearly 7 months old and has been for the last month or so going through a massive stranger anxiety issue, where she screams in terror when anyone other than my OH or I hold her. She will interact when out and about, e.g. smiles at others from the buggy etc but that’s it.

It would be fine, except I have to go back to work full time (teacher) in a few weeks and my MIL is giving up work to do four days a week childcare. She’s the loveliest woman; warm, friendly, experienced with children (used to work in a pre school) and most children who know her adore her.....except our DD. She screams especially loudly when she comes round, and detests being held by her. She does eventually calm down when OH and I are out of sight and she’s been fine when being a babysat by her last weekend, BUT the screaming upon my departure and return is heartbreaking, and I hate to think that she’s spending all day with someone she doesn’t like.

I’ve no choice about it, we can’t afford FT nursery and anyway, I want her to have a bond with her grandparents, as I barely knew mine.

Will she get over it eventually? Anyone else’s baby like this with a relative? Any tips on making the transition easier? They already come round every week, and whenever I have to nip out I leave her at their house.

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Yogurtcoveredricecake · 16/06/2019 19:24

I don't think it's that she don't like MIL - she just likes you and your OH more. It's just separation anxiety - she's fine when you're out of the way so she just gets on with it.

Tbh, we did a short stint in a nursery and that was horrendous, every morning was crying babies getting dropped off one after another so there's no saying that would be any better!

SittingontheSidelines · 16/06/2019 19:57

I agree with the above. My granddaughter was happy to be passed to me till about seven /eight months then she started to cry and reach for mum/dad. It's normal attachment development. She's nearly a year now. If mum and dad are there she'll look at me, smile/laugh at me but doesn't want me to hold her. If they're not there she's absolutely fine with me. It's just that she loves mum and dad best, just as it should be.

nomushrooms · 16/06/2019 21:45

Oh thank goodness people replied and it’s normal! Everyone keeps saying oh but she’s too young for separation anxiety (this started at 5 months), she must be ill/teething/tired/hungry etc 🤦🏽‍♀️

Really glad to hear about granddaughter being fine when on her own with you @SittingontheSidelines. I worried that my MIL was over exaggerating how ok DD was with her because she didn’t want to worry me about going back to work....

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MeadowHay · 16/06/2019 21:54

My DD started separation anxiety at 4 months. Which I would have thought was biologically impossible as too young but it obviously isn't as she was awful. If anyone spoke to her she would burst into tears, if someone held her she would be hysterical. However this didn't include me, DH, or DM. She saw DM most days in her first 3 months of life. And after that still a couple of times a week. So I think DM was always basically seen as another primary caregiver to her really and not included in the SA. But regardless - this went on until she was about 7 months old and from then she started to gradually get less anxious. She started nursery at 8 and a half months old and it did take a month or so for her to settle in but she wasn't too bad. She is now 1 and loves nursery and is much more confident and friendlier with strangers as long as they don't get right in her face straight away. Your DC will outgrow this phase in their own time and spending time with your MIL will help not hinder the process.

AuntMarch · 17/06/2019 11:07

I've worked in nurseries for over a decade and it's 100% not about your MIL at all, it's just about it not being you, and is soon forgotten.
It's harder for you than it is for your baby as you are the one feeling guilty all day while they have fun together!

I know without a doubt that parents don't fully believe me when I tell them their baby has a great time - but it's true, usually the tears stop before the parents has left the car park! I email photos as soon as the child is happy and smiling, ask MIL to WhatsApp you some, you'll feel much better. Maybe she could babysit a bit more before you go back so you can enjoy a hot drink while it's hot catch up with friends get more used to leaving her for a while without having to face a whole days work on top?

Be warned - tears at collection is also very normal! It's not a "I've been so sad all day", it's a "I've been so busy I forgot you weren't here, and now I'm excited that you are, and it's all too much emotion when I can't talk yet"

SittingontheSidelines · 17/06/2019 11:25

Yes, I sometimes wonder if my daughter in law thinks I'm just saying it she she won't worry. But she really is for the most part happy and allows me to soothe her when she's not

nomushrooms · 17/06/2019 18:38

Yes, I think I’m going to have to build in lots of small babysitting sessions at the weekends when she’s home - I could even get my hair cut in peace 😳

She’s a bit of a teddy homophobe; the ILs are delightfully old-fashioned country people, who didn’t get a landline until my OH insisted and set it up - she now has a tablet and can recieve my WhatsApp photos of DD, but I shall have to write step by step instructions on how to take photos and send them!

DD screamed hysterically at the swimming instructor this morning, when she held her while I got in the pool, then started whining each time she looked at her. I know this too shall pass, but I wish it would pass more flipping quickly!

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nomushrooms · 17/06/2019 18:39

TECHNOPHOBE

Not teddy homohobe.

I assume she has no issues with same-sex relationships amongst cuddly toys

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