How to encourage good beahviour in 5 yo?

[Bigginswade]

That's it really. 5 yo is generally well behaved but also susceptible to random tantrums still (e.g. suddenly deciding she doesn't want to tidy up her toys, or put her shoes on or fighting with older sibling).

We have tried reward charts, positive praise etc. We have tried picking our battles. We have tried time out, taking away favourite toys, withholding treats. The response is always "I don't care". DD is very stubborn also.

Does anyone have any advice? Or is this a phase? Older sibling is not like this. I am concerned about DD remaining like this and dreading the tween stage!

Any advice?

5 yo is closer to 6 than 5 if that makes a difference.

Have you given them any other strategies to deal with their feelings?

We talk about feelings a lot, hers and others. We try to teach empathy as well. We are very physically and verbally affectionate and make sure both children get individual attention (meaning I don't think it's an attention thing).

We try to frame things in terms of decisions so she retains a sense of control. E.g. help tidy up toys and books before bed (which she loves) or refuse to help but this means no books before bed. She will choose the latter even though I know she'd rather have the books. We try to make things fun or into a game. DD sleeps and eats well so it isn't tiredness (when she's tired I know so those moods I can head off). DD is kind to our pet and generally a very loving child. No SEN issues. It just feels so arbitrary as it seems to come out of nowhere. If DD doesn't want to do it, she won't do it. It's hard because I have a full time job and another child so when DD decides to randomly refuse, for example, to change herself and insists that "she can't" and lies there naked flat out on the floor wailing as if I've asked her to chop off her hand, it's so frustrating. It's also unfair on older sibling who feels that younger DD is getting away with things.

I feel like I'm getting to the end of my tether and that I'm perhaps doing something wrong as a parent.

Some good books might help. Someone posted this link before, helpful for books on kindness and inclusiveness etc. Maybe you could find a suitable one in that collection or some library books. Subtle way to encourage good behaviour.

happyyouhappyfamily.com/books-about-kindness/?fbclid=IwAR3AMNPcPozI6THoMvdNXC-k0Roq3QShtfWnUy-VC1d70ddVGxk0gOupPsw

my 5yo tantrum prone drama queen responded well to a 'superstar log' where i would note down any times she acted in a way i was really impressed with, getting dressed without being nagged, sharing with her sister, tidying up without complaint, persevering riding her bike etc in simple language, ideally so she could read it herself. we'd chat about them before bed. it may not help but food for thought.