Custody of new baby

[Emma2202]

Hi wondering if anyone can give me any opinions on a situation I am going through. I fell pregnant 3 weeks into a new relationship (I was on contraception) & I didn’t find out until I was 5 months pregnant. My ex was abusive, he would spit on me, hurt me, isolate me from family & threaten harm to me and himself. I left him 2 months into our relationship, he wanted nothing to do with the baby and never helped fund for any the babies things. Fast forward to the birth of our child, instead of visiting he had a party in his house for 3 days, never asked to come see his child nor did his family. 1 month later I decided to let him see my child and he would come visit and sit on his phone showing little interest, but more interest in ME. The last time I seen him I caught him going through my phone and he left by calling me horrible names, he was back to the abusive man he always was. My child is now 5 months old and I have received a letter that he wants half custody of our child but I would prefer he had no contact with my child at all. Just some other facts, he is a drug dealer of class A drugs, he told me he doesn’t want to pay for a child that he doesn’t want, he has a undiagnosed personality disorder (he won’t go to the doctor but he knows he has one), he has admitted to being unstable & a sociopath. He takes drugs every weekend with his friends at illegal raves . Does anyone know what sort of result in court this may end up? I have all evidence of everything he’s ever done and also proof of him being a drug dealer.

No judge will grant 50/50 custody of an infant. Have you got evidence of the unsuitability of him as a parent?

Have you informed the police that he's dealing drugs?

Have you been to women's aid for support around the abuse?
I would recommend doing this.

Court might recommend some contact but definitely not 50 50 unless there's loads left out of your op eg you live in a toxic waste dump and don't wish to move /have a pet tiger etc

It must be an awful situation.

How can we want half custody when he hasn't even looked at his baby. Has he fed or changed him?

You need to speak to your HV, GP and Women's Aid.
Please say you didn't put him on the birth certificate.
Inform the police about his drug dealing.You can do it anonymously through crime stoppers.

Cms. If he won't pay them he won't pay to take you to court will he?

If he's talking about 'custody' rather than contact and think he'll get 50% he hasn't had any legal advice. I suspect this is just an empty threat. Leave it and see if he takes any genuine action and in the mean time do what you can to ensure his drug dealing and behaviour is reported appropriately.

He won’t actually want 50/50 custody though. He just wants to upset the OP.

He's just saying this to further abuse you OP. It's not realistic at all: a) If he won't pay up then he can't have contact or custody, b) if he isn't on the birth certificate - which I imagine he isn't it as he wasn't around to go with you? - he would have to go to court to get parental responsibility before any of this, and then he would be also required to pay maintenance and c) if you have proof of his abuse and drug dealing there is no court on earth that would grant him what he wants and d) you can report him to police.

Personally I'd tell him you know what game he's playing and that if he doesn't back off you'll report his criminal activity, which would earn him a custodial sentence. And I'd seriously consider doing it too.

He isn’t on the birth certificate, I have a lawyer at the moment and she says the most he will get is through a contact centre that’s if they even allow that, I’ve shown her all evidence of what he’s like. I was going to report him but he’s got his friend to cover for him whilst we contact lawyers. I know exactly what friend is selling the drugs for him and hiding them for him but I’m afraid that if I do report him that they will find out it was me and something bad will happen to me. I have given him 4 chances to be there for my child and all 4 times he has messed up. I don’t want him in and out his life as it will eventually confuse him as he gets older. He hasn’t told his lawyer the truth, he told his lawyer that I’m stopping him from seeing his son for no reason (his mum told me this). His dad is paying for a lawyer for him so he hasn’t got to worry about any of that

I’m scared that my lawyer is just telling me what I want to hear and that he will get my son on his own. My health visitor knows about the domestic abuse as I had to see her more regularly than normal due to it through my pregnancy. I fear that on his own with my child that he would hurt or neglect him to get back at me as he is still trying to be in a relationship with me and because I don’t want to it is getting to him and making him angry

It will be a contact centre until he can provide a clean drugs test. It’s unlikely he’ll bother to do the drugs test if he’s using so it will be a few follow up court visits after the initial. The judges see through all this sort of crap. Be prepared to take a drug test yourself as he'll probably try and say that you are also a user.

Ignore motherofcats OP. Contact and manentance are completely separate. He can have contact whilst not paying.

No one can tell you for sure what a court would award if it went that far but it won't be 50/50.

It's unlikely that no contact will be granted. If it's in a contact centre at least you know your child is safe. If he fails to turn up or engage with the child it will be noted and could affect ongoing contact. If he plays along he could later get unsupervised contact.

You wouldn't necessarily need contact with him yourself.

Women's Aid can provide support and advice if you haven't spoken to them already.

*maintenance

This is a nightmare for you op I really don't know the legality of any of it as thankfully never been in this situation but I think my instinct would be telling me to move to the outer hebrides, that is unless you already live there of course! Best of luck.

Well he certainly can't have custody doyoumind, and any contact would be very limited due to other circumstances anyway. While there might not be a legal prohibition against contact without maintenance, he would, if he applied for a court order and parental responsibility, come on to the radar of the CMS, so the effect is the same

Um no.

That's not how maintenance works at all.

It's not like TV licenses where there are vans that go round trying to catch folk out

(Obviously I realize TV license vans are an urban myth but in the case of child maintenance it's quite a different level of obligation.)
You contact child maintenance options.
If there's been domestic abuse they can connect you to the child maintenance service.
They will then contact the non resident parent to set up payment etc.

You're talking out your arse, I'm afraid, motherofcats. The RP applies for maintenance through the CMS if the NRP isn't paying and there are various options as to how it's paid depending in how cooperative the NRP is. It's entirely separate to any court proceedings regarding contact arrangements and the court doesn't base anything on whether maintenance is paid. Yes, once he has PR it's easier to get maintenance but that's different.

Also, I've never mentioned custody as it's only ever referred to as residency or contact.

It's rare for no contact whatsoever to be granted.

I do have personal experience and am not just making it up.

Your best bet is to report him anonymously for the drug dealing via crime stoppers.

He won't know it's you, chances are it could be a pissed off user.

And if you do have evidence of what he's doing/like, then use it. If you don't protect your baby, no one else will.