Don’t want my elderly MIL to push pram /carry baby, what would you do?

[Bananayoghurt]

I’ve not given birth yet but haven’t long left!
Been getting pram and everything ready and know if DH were to take the baby to see his Mum on his own (obviously we’re talking a few months down the line here) she would want to push pram if they went for a walk.
Thing is she’s pushing 80, is physically well but is very...dippy. She has perfect hearing yet doesn’t hear when people speak to her, doesn’t hear her own phone (which has led in the past to me and DH driving to her house late at night worried only to find her watching telly), isn’t always 100% if what’s going on around her. For these reasons I feel really unhappy at the prospect of her pushing the pram or carrying our baby. Perfectly happy for her to hold baby if she’s sitting down but not to get up and move round with baba IYSWIM.

Problem is I think my DH would feel too worried about upsetting his DM to tell her she can’t push pram so I’m wondering if perhaps I should tell her myself like “only me and DH can push pram or carry baby round etc”. Would I come across as a bossy mum or is it understandable??

For the record it’s not that I dislike her at all, just because of her age and ditziness I cannot trust her to be on the ball! For the same reasons I won’t be letting younger members of our family (cousins, nieces nephews) push the pram or carry baby around.

@pastabest hahaha me too 😂

Why can't she push the pram. ? Did I miss something ?

You're doing the right thing, baby safety first. I agree with others I would baby wear when you can so there isn't a need or option for her to carry or push the baby. I would sit down together and tell her as a united front that she won't be able to carry the baby around or push the pram. She can have a cuddle but the carrying/pushing will be parents only. Your hubby needs to be on side for this to work and trust to be there. Lots of mums don't want baby passed around or carried around by others at first. Just raise it with her together if she asks if she can. Ultimately your baby, your rules, end of. Congratulations and good luck

Going to go against the majority here.. if you don't feel comfortable letting DH take baby on his own to MIL knowing MIL will do things that are not 100% safe, don't do it! There's no law that says MILs get to do anything with their grandchildren. DH might have a different opinion but that's the joy of being parents together, disagreeing and talking it out.

Personally I hated having my DM hold DC when they were small, she is likewise a bit of a prat at a times and I don't trust her. E.g. she gave 4 month old a metal spoon to chew on I didn't allow unsupervised contact until DC was about 2 years old.

If the worst happened e.g. MIL let go of pram on busy road and there was a car accident you would never forgive yourself. My DM is a dozy twat who thought putting the pram brake on at a crossing was me being paranoid and refused to do it until I physically took the pram off her

YANBU.

I haven’t Read all the responses, but when DD2 was 3 weeks old, MIL decided she could push the prom out of BIL’s front door and down the step. Pram went one way, MIL went the other. DH caught the pram, not MIL. He has felt guilty about this ever since.

MIL broke her hip, took months to heal.

Errrm I have seen elderly women put babies at risk in prams/buggies. You are not being unreasonable at all. One time leaving buggy on slope by road, no brakes on, only this month sticking front of buggy out into traffic. Yanbu OP . But if you breastfeed you will have to be with baby anyway.

My DM is a dozy twat who thought putting the pram brake on at a crossing was me being paranoid and refused to do it until I physically took the pram off her

Do people do this?!

First baby, OP? I would speak to your midwife about your feelings of anxiety.

What nasty ageist behaviour. You are alright with her sitting holding the baby? Like a toddler. But she can’t push the fucking pram? You sound horrible. Hopefully your DH will be the voice of reason and stop you being such a twat.

I'm concerned about you describing her as 'dippy'. Obviously I might be projecting my own experience but are you concerned about your MiL's mental faculties? Do you think her behaviour has altered/declined, become noticeably more dippy, in the time you've known her?
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 73, has always been physically very healthy but pre-diagnosis would make decisions that were completely unlike her - irrational and often dangerous as she lacked the reasoning power - a situation that continues as she declines.
If you're more concerned about your MiL's mental state than her physical state then you are not being unreasonable. Otherwise I would be fine with her pushing the pram.