I feel I have failed my daughter.

[Mrsbclinton]

My daughter is 10. She has been out of sorts the past few days, crying, withdrawn, anxious. I couldn't get to the root cause.

This evening she opened up and told me girls in her class told her about periods & she is completely freaked out by it.

I had intended telling her about them over the summer holidays for this very reason. She probably would have had the same reaction, as she is a sensitive type, I cant help but feel I failed her by not being the person who told her.

I dont think she is anywhere near getting them no obvious signs of puberty & hopefully once she gets over the shock she will be ok.

Any other parent been through similar?

It’s not ideal is it. Has she not covered puberty at school?

I’d get an age appropriate book which covers puberty, bodies and reproduction and start straight away answering the questions she must have and getting ahead on anything she hasn’t found out about in the playground.

Agreed. Age appropriate book ASAP!

I’m supposed to hasn’t been covered in school, but either way it is ideally something you should have discussed with her by now. You can’t turn back time though so don’t beat yourself up too much.

How is her sex education? Because the two go hand in hand really.

She has some idea about where babies cone from but I need to give her all the facts.

I thought it was too young for her to know the ins and outs.
Im going to give her book tomorrow and let her know she needs to talk about worries.
Feel like she is losing her childhood innocence before she is ready.

They dont cover sex ed in greater detail till next school year (not in uk)so I thought the summer holidays would be good time to broach subject.

You really should have prepared her so it wasn't this huge deal knowing how your body works isn't a loss of innocence , anyway you can now start talking to her about stuff so she isn't caught out like that again.

Oh OP, at least you’re talking to her about it now!! My mother never, ever mentioned anything about periods to me nor how babies were made, nor safe sex. Take heart, at least the discussion is open, you’re willing and you can move on from here.

Too young??

Mine asked about babies etc from about 3. I told them in age appropriate terms (a bit of mummy and daddy) and then gave more information as they got older.

They’re 7&9 and know everything in an age appropriate way.

There’s nothing to be scared of - it’s all normal biology.

A lot of the angst came from me - I felt weird talking about it but they really took it in their stride.

I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. This isn’t about taking away childhood innocence, it’s about empowering them with knowledge. Sex isn’t a dirty thing.

Things like periods - have your sanitary stuff easily seen in the bathroom so you can drop it into casual conversation for example.

You've not let your DD down. She's massively overreacting but will be fine once you start discussing things with her.

I started my periods at 9! And that isnt considered that young even back then... I think you did leave it a bit late. But I dont think you've failed her!
As you've said it's always a shock when you find out and at least you've realised you need to speak to her now, so she wont start them without knowing what's going on.
You do need to have the sex talk with her I'm afraid. Just the basics in age appropriate language. She very may well start her periods quite soon and she does need to know what is going on with her body... and even though I know it seems so young to be telling her about this, but also about the fact she could fall pregnant and about safe sex. Just because 'innocence' is no protection... as you've already discovered you cannot protect against what other children say and do to her, unless you have armed her with all the true facts yourself. Not doing that leaves her open to misinformation and maybe even manipulation. As shes particularly sensitive you need to protect her by telling her the truth as it sounds like she might be too nervous or overwhelmed to always come straight to you if someones told her something which has distressed her. Get in there first now and arm her with all the facts about her body.

as you've already discovered you cannot protect against what other children say and do to her, unless you have armed her with all the true facts yourself. Not doing that leaves her open to misinformation and maybe even manipulation.

Exactly this. So many kids have smart phones these days we made sure the DC were up to speed on sex in a normal, healthy way so they don’t come across it via something horrible in the playground. No guarantee that won’t happen anyway but at least they know the mechanics and age appropriate facts it’s not something dirty or embarrassing.

If you have a few initial chats and leave it open they’ll come back with questions off and on and know they can trust you to be open and honest with them. You want them to come to you when they’re unsure about things, not a friend, or the Internet.

Show her the book, go through it together, periods and breasts and other changes, then leave it somewhere she can find it and have a look through if she wants to.

I don’t think she’s overreacting or overly sensitive to be upset by something she didn’t know anything about. Blood is always a scary thought! But she does need to know about how her body works. Starting your period before you know to expect it or understand it must be much scarier.

Thanks so much for all the replies.