How do you get anything done?

[dextersmama]

I literally have no idea how anyone gets anything done with a baby.

My son is 10 weeks old and I barely have time to eat let alone pee or shower.

How do people get things done?

If I'm not breastfeeding, I'm changing him or settling him to sleep or entertaining him.

He won't sleep in his cot during the day so when he naps I'm glued to the sofa. I used to bring his Moses basket downstairs during the day and he'd sleep and I could at least do some washing up or a small chore but he's grown out of it and is in a side sleeper in our bedroom.

I feel utterly useless around the house.
I'm exhausted because he won't go down to nap, so I can't nap.

I've tried slings and carriers to get things done but he just screams when his in them.

If your partner is responsible and helps then wait till he gets home and contributes. Having a baby is a full-time job so treat it as such, don’t expect the perfect house.

My husband was not helping, I had to deal with the baby, house and work from home 8-12 when the baby slept. I was shattered, started having heart problems, so don’t pressure yourself too much into thinking you have to manage everything. Do what you can and make sure you recovered from both pregnancy and childbirth.

If you are looking for advice and small tips- I used to wear mine in a pouch and breastfeed (makes massive impact on settling them), try to bounce when you walk with the baby in the pouch. Sleep when they sleep. And send your partner on a walk with the little one after work, weekends etc- that gives you time to sort things out. I bought play and go and pretty much took it around the house so my LO could always see me and talked to her constantly so she knew I was there, after a while it became a habit.

All the best of luck!

Ooh I feel for you. Mine was the same at that age. My in-laws couldn't believe that he didn't sleep during the day unless on my chest in a silent room or being walked briskly in his pram. I kept hearing "but he must sleep in his basket SOMETIMES?" No, he didn't.

I was lucky that he was my mother's first grandchild and she came over a couple of times a week in the early days. She would take him for a long walk, cuddle him and generally give me a break (he was fine with this at that age- not so much now!)

Things are completely different now he is 1. Please don't despair!

We had a crier - well we still do a bit, she's about to turn 1 but miles better than she was - and at 10 weeks I was combi feeding but she still did breastfeed A LOT. If she wasn't being fed she was crying, for the most part. She hardly slept in the daytime at all, literally only a few 30-40 min naps a day and mostly they were out in the pram or on top of me on the sofa and if I tried to put her down she'd instantly wake up and scream again. It was mostly hell to be quite honest. I dunno how I didn't get PND. I guess cos I had a lot of support from my family and DH.

Anyway in answer to your question, just had to accept that stuff was not going to get done and that my life had changed. Bare minimum emergency stuff got done and that was it. And 90% of that would be when DH got home on an evening and on weekends.

Now I am back at work Mon-Thurs anyway and we still do basically all our cleaning on the weekends when DH is around, the most I manage is sometimes doing a load of laundry on a Friday when I'm off with her if I'm lucky and maybe running an errand or two or popping the shop for some food.

I agree go out. Go out and forget about the mess, baby is likely to sleep better in car/pram. I really regret not getting out more when she was tiny because she screamed all the time and didn't sleep and I struggled to get ready and washed and bag packed etc to go out cos I couldn't bare to leave her screaming for 20/30 minutes whilst I did everything but I wish I had just done because she screamed when I was holding her anyway. And she always slept in the pram eventually so I should have just sucked it up and gotten out more and I would have felt better and she would have slept more. You can't do the housework when you're stuck in anyway, so might as well go out. I didn't really realise this until she was about 5 months old by which time more than half my mat leave with her was over, I really regret it.

The answer is, you don’t get anything done and you shouldn’t worry about it. Congratulations on your new baby. You are both getting to know each other and honestly your little boy needs so much of you right now, you don’t have time or energy for other things. The dishes can wait. Explore sling options, they are super handy. I shower before my husband goes to work. I pee with my baby in a sling on me or I place her in a bouncer in front of the toilet. Make sure you take care of yourself, try to eat healthy and get out of the house for a walk and maybe start trying to connect with other mums for support. Those are your priorities. Your baby and you. Plus rest! If you ever can! A baby who likes to be held for a nap will probably enjoy a contact nap -as in bed share. At least you get some rest that way. You’re doing an amazing job. Nothing else is necessary!!

Also this is the moment when you and your partner establish roles as parents. You don’t have to be the only one who can care for your baby, or do the dishes/washing. Give them opportunity to help out and accept it will be different to how you do it. But if you don’t, you’ll end up taking the whole mental load in the relationship and that’s exhausting!!

In line with the "try and get out point of view". I always pack the changing bag the night before - either when baby's asleep or with my partner. That way when I want to go out all I need to do is bottles and I'm good to go

Enjoy it! I look back on those early baby days fondly when I could sit with a cup of tea and watch rubbish box sets while he napped. He's now one and doesn't stop plus I'm back to work so no time for doing nothing.
DS was and is still the same and will only nap on us (except at nursery where he'll happy go to sleep in a cot 🤷‍♀️)
We eventually got him to sleep in pram where I'd leave him to do jobs or if I'm lucky he'll fall asleep in the car and I can do a transfer.
I used to take his bouncy chair into the bathroom and shower

Completely agree with a contact nap get baby in your arms on sofa
Even if you dont sleep shut your eyes for half hour you will feel so much better

I literally didn't get anything done at all u til he started doing decent naps in his cot, at maybe 4 months old. Until then I was in survival mode. I lost count of the amount of times I had him on my knee while I peed! Even now, at 8 months, if I don't squeeze in a shower before my husband goes to work, I don't shower (my son naps brilliantly these days but the shower is so noisy it wakes him up!). You'll get through it. If there's anyone that can help you out, get them to do so! I don't have anyone who can help out and it's much tougher!

Sorry I know the sofa advice is well intentioned but do not do this, it's extremely high risk. Safer to make your bed clear and ensure baby can't fall off and try to snooze like that, side to side with them.

Put him on the bath mat in front of you to pee. He will still scream but you can entertain him and feel like you're helping. My friend gave me the best advice - he can't roll off the floor.

Housework just had to wait in the early days. We had a cleaner come and do a blitz a couple of times which really helped, and my parents came and did jobs I couldn't manage every other week.

You see, I read this and think "it's so easy to get things done when they're that age" but that's coming from a place of 'been there, done that several times' and I KNOW that at the time, with my first, I found it hard getting stuff done.

I had a big swing seat that I put the baby in. Or used a baby carrier. But mainly I just enjoyed the baby cuddles and didn't get much done.

Second time round you have an older child to chase around, preventing you from doing stuff and you realise the baby is actually really easy. Except he first time round it's the hardest thing you'll ever do.

Hard to explain really! Parenting gets easier, but actually it gets harder and then you look back and realise it was easier before. Anyone else able to articulate that better than me haha!

My first spent most of his time on his baby bouncer or on his playmat...
Showers I’d have and he’d sit in his bouncer kicking away whilst I showered.
Hoovering bouncer or playnat again.
He liked to nap on me but I transitioned him to napping on a bed or his Moses basket so I could sleep

What PP above me said is spot on!

A swaddle and dummy really helped my DD to settle and nap in her basket, but only realised this at about 9 weeks. Before this, she would only ever sleep on me - if she wasn’t bf she was sleeping on me so I found it impossible to do anything at all. It really wasn’t what I was expecting - I thought newborns just slept in Moses baskets all day!

We ended up getting a cleaner which was great. I still found it frustrating though - all I wanted to do was walk the dog or do a bit of gardening! (DD hated slings and the pram!)

It soon passes though and before you know it you will be running around after a toddler! (Which is actually great, and in a lot of ways so much easier!)

Enjoy it! I look back on those early baby days fondly when I could sit with a cup of tea and watch rubbish box sets while he napped. He's now one and doesn't stop plus I'm back to work so no time for doing nothing.

I really struggled with the stage OP is in now and I absolutely love being the working mother of a nearly one year old (and I get loads more done now) so it doesn't always go this way! I found the 'oh, having a newborn is the easy bit' comments really depressing when DS was as little as OP's baby.

For me, getting out as much as I could really helped - I know spending the day in your PJs watching TV is some people's heaven, but it was my hell by about day 3. Plus you can't see the mess if you're out!

I know you said you'd tried slings, but do you have a local sling library? If might be worth one last check that there's not a type he'll settle in. Slings don't work for everyone and you might be one of those people, but they can be such a lifesaver if they do work.

Also, you say 'entertaining him' - how necessary is that? For some babies it might be but I also think that lots of new baby advice makes women feel guilty for not constantly 'stimulating' their newborn (most baby books seem to be written on the assumption that, despite the fact you've gone out and bought a book, you're so unconcerned about your baby that you'll just ignore it completely if not repeatedly told how important the early days are for brain development - this also, handily, fuels the baby class industry), but they really don't need it. In hindsight, DS was perfectly happy being put down and just lying there sometimes, but I felt I had to constantly play with (wave toys at) him or read aloud to him or he'd never speak. It's one of the many things I find easier now he's older - he interacts back, so entertaining him is less mind-blowingly boring for me, and also he can let me know he's bored so I can just let him get on with things if he's not (as he is doing right now while I type this!)

Prepare the night before. So get your breakfast stuff out, have your towel and clothes sitting ready for after a shower. Changing bag packed. Sling and/or pram by the front door. Then feed baby, feed you, shower, probably feed and change baby again and then get out.

I found showering every day made me feel much better and getting outside even if it's just to buy milk. I liked to have busier days at groups and liked a quiet day too.

Yes I agree with the unhelpfuless of comments like 'newborn is so much easier than t9ddler' and 'I watched Netflix all day'. That's the sort of stuff that made me feel like a terrible mother and like I must be doing something wrong. It also depends a bit on the baby. I have a friend whose baby pretty much just slept for the first 4 months of his life. I rarely saw him awake. She had soooo much time to sit and read books and it made me feel awful as I was running round with a screaming baby who wouldn't settle unless he was breastfed to sleep on me. But thst stage passed and now my boy actually naps far far better than hers. But the newborn stage for us was really really hard - some women just get lucky but it's nothing they have done differently. So OP please don't let smug comments about how easy a newborn is worry you :) For many people it's the hardest thing in the world but it does get easier and it will feel like a blur afterwards!

You just do the absolute necessities. If you're fed and clean everything else can wait. It does get better - as they get older they start to be able to entertain themselves, at first for a minute but by the time they're 13 you'll hardly see them...

I didn't feel guilty about leaving my children to cry when I went for a wee or had something to eat or put the washer on. I felt like life doesn't stop just because the baby's crying (if they've been fed and had a major change etc) and things still needed doing.

I also made myself a packed lunch every morning when dh was still there so I had a meal available without having to fanny about cooking. Either that or I went to a cafe!

I made good use of the slow cooker too so that a hot meal was there and ready for evening.

Our house isn't the tidiest, cleanest or the neatest (I used to think it was but then I read about some people's mad cleaning routines on here and realised that I'm actually quite laid back!) so the only housework that needed doing was a quick run around with the hoover and a cloth. Dh finished the laundry when he got home.

Major change? Nappy change!

Yes, this issue happened with all new mums because they are not aware about how to handle such situations if they are living in a single family, also elders help must be needed in this situation when you have a new baby born because they suggestions are quite helpful to easily move out from such situations and how to tackle them as well.

I get it all done when my partner gets home. Other Than that get a sling x

Mine slept in the pram during the day. L, by about 6 weeks they were in a pretty good routine and slept for a short while in the morning, a longer nap at lunch and another short nap about 5.

Also my dh does as much if not more as me when it comes to housework, and I have a cleaner twice a week, we upped it to three times a week when I was home easily pregnant and newborn stage!

(Just to clarify, I have 6 children, 7th on the way! Hence all the cleaning and housework needed!)

I found fresh air helped us both sleep later in the day, so best thing is to try and leave all the chores, put baby in a pram/pushchair, go for a walk, have a change of scene etc. Mine cried unless he was propped up in some way. Then try and get the nap after lunch as a regular thing. whether it is on the sofa together propped up with cushions or in your bed, with baby next to you in the side sleeper. Turn phone off, put note on door not to ring. Slowly by surely, that nap time will become sacrosanct, and not to be used for chores. Then you are less tired the rest of the day and you get to do a little bit of the organisational stuff more easily.

When I was tired, I could tune into baby but nothing else organisational. Certainly no chores. Seeing other people with baby in tow was alright though, I recommend a baby groupin morning or a teatime meetup to stop the day becoming groundhog.

Then try and get the nap after lunch as a regular thing. whether it is on the sofa together propped up with cushions or in your bed, with baby next to you in the side sleeper.

Agree with the nap but please don't nap on a sofa with your baby. It raises the SIDS and suffocation risk by something like 500%.